Welders are trained professionals who make and repair structures and other objects using metals and other materials. Welding jokes may refer to the difficult and sometimes dangerous nature of their employment, their proficiency with tools and equipment, or the numerous types of materials they work with.
Furthermore, welding is fun. You’re building things. Making something. Sometimes you’re constructing someone else’s vision or work, and other times you’re making your own. Sometimes it’s a repair, sometimes it’s rescuing something from the scrap heap.
Best Welding Jokes
What do you call a welder who never does their job?
A ne’er-do-weld.
Do you know what happens when you eat aluminum foil?
You sheet metal.
Did you hear about the man who decided to take a welding class with his new date?
It was quite the bonding experience.
What is the Technical Difference between Welding and Wedding?
Not much; both are joints, in a way. In Welding, there are sparks first and bonding forever, whereas in a Wedding there is bonding first and sparks forever.
Daughter: Mom, how do you know when ‘he’ is the one?
Mom: As soon as you see him you’ll know. The sparks will be flying, and you’ll approach him and ask, “Hey, can you weld this for me?”
Do you know that two metal heads don’t marry?
They weld.
Did you hear about the homeless guy who got a part-time job welding?
It’s to make ends meet.
How do iron workers order their steak?
Weld done.
If Noah were to build a boat today, would it be steel?
Held together with ark welding.
What do you call two daggers welded together?
A shiv-al union.
Do you know why frogs don’t weld?
Because they still ribbet.
A robot man walks into a robot restaurant.
A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order. The robot man orders a robot steak. The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared. The robot man replies, “Weld on.”
Did you hear about the new welding position that opened up at work?
Management is desperate to fillet.
What do you call a really well done fusion of metal on a ship called Weldan?
A well done weld on Weldan.
Why are there very less good welding jokes?
All the good ones argon.
A welder sees an ad for help and a metals shop. $18-$25 per hour.
He walks in and inquires about the position. They give him some metal to weld and tell him to return it when he’s finished.
The welder returns with two welds. The first one is stunning. Pristine beads, straight as an arrow. The shop owner compliments him on such fine work. The second weld is sloppy and unappealing. The shop owner asks, “What’s up with the difference in welds?”
The welder says, “The first one is $25 an hour and the second one is $18.”
How does underwater welding work?
It’s all about the current.
Why did the underwater welder get fired?
Because he didn’t work well under pressure.
Why do people take an instant dislike to welders?
To save time later.
What do welders and wheel barrows have in common?
They’re hard to push around and easily upset.
What do you say to a guy with an IQ of 10?
Grind that weld.
What kind of music do welders like?
Heavy metal.
An evil genie kidnapped a welder and two of his friends and sentenced them to a week in the desert.
But first, the genie lets each person select one item to take with them.
The first friend chose a water bottle to keep him hydrated.
The second friend chose an umbrella to shield himself from the sun.
The welder chose a car door, so that if it got too hot he could roll down the window.
Why do they only give welders ten-minute breaks?
Any longer and they’d have to retrain them.
How do you know you’re a welder?
Your clothes occasionally catch on fire.
Why is dating easy for welders?
They always bond.
What does a welder say when there’s a leak?
“I guess it didn’t seal weld.”
Why is water important for welders?
They’re always quenching.
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
After the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage for fun one evening. His new wife was standing on the bench, staring at him. “Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we’re married, maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop,” she finally said after a lengthy silence. “You should definitely sell all of your welders, along with your gun collection, golf clubs, and that dumb antique Harley.” Tom’s expression was filled with horror.
She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
He replied, “There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screamed, “You never told me you were married before!”
Tom replied, “I wasn’t.”
Why does the foreman keep reprimanding his welding employees?
He likes to test their metal.
What’s a welder’s favorite unit of length?
Ammeter.
How do welders solve their problems?
By finding the root.
What do welders do if they can’t decide?
They do a tension test.
Why are welders, good tennis players?
They have an excellent forehand and backhand.
The man stood at the pearly gates, his face was worn and old.
He asked the man of his faith admission to the fold. “What did you do on Earth that you seek admission here?”
He says, “I was a welder on the pipelines and in the oil fields for years.”
The gates sprang sharply open and St. Peter rang a bell. The Lord said, “Come in and get a harp, you’ve done had your share of hell.”
How many welders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Nobody knows, it’s not in their job description.
What’s a welder’s favorite cuisine?
Fusion.
What does a welder call their grandmother?
GMAW.
Why did the welder want to become a rheumatologist?
They were into joints.
Why do welders always get selected for team sports?
They play all of the positions.
A young boy playing in the attic discovers his father’s old welding goggles.
“What are these?” asks the kid.
“They’re my old goggles from when I was a professional welder.”
“Can I play with them? I’d like to imagine I’m a fighter pilot!”
“All well, but don’t wander too far in the park since there are some strange people around.”
Later, when an old man in a mac walks up, the boy wearing the goggles is rushing around imagining he’s on a plane.
“Have you ever seen a naked adult man, small boy?”
“No, mister.”
“Do you have any knowledge of huge hard willies, small boy?”
“No, sir, I’m afraid I don’t.”
“Do you know anything about wanking small boy!” he exclaimed.
“Listen mister, think I’d better tell you – I’m not a real welder.”
How do you tell a chemist from a welder?
Ask them to pronounce the word “unionised”
What do you call a welder without any friends?
Voight.
Why are welders so hot?
They keep switching their irons on.
Why did the welder cross the road?
Better materials on the other side.
What do you call a happy welder?
An oxymoron.
Why do welders wear ear plugs?
So they don’t get told to “get back to work.”
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What did they call the man who gave a handjob to an electrician, a plumber, a welder, and a construction worker?
A Jack Off All Trades.
How is welding like sex?
If you don’t have 100 % penetration and touch both sides its not fun for anyone.
What do welders and p*rn stars have in common?
You always see them in strange positions, yelling for more rod.
Have a better weld joke? Post your own welding puns and one-liners in the comment section!
