Beans aren’t just for dinner, they’re little troublemakers that bring both flavor and flatulence to the table. Adults know them well, not just as a healthy bite, but as nature’s built-in comedy starter. One small bowl can turn a quiet evening into a full-blown concert, leaving everyone blaming the nearest chili.
That’s where dirty bean jokes sprout up. Born from the chaos beans cause and the laughter that follows. These jokes take the innocent little legume and toss it into the world of grown-up humor. They’re playful, slightly naughty, and always full of gas… I mean, laughs.
Adult Bean Jokes
What do you get when you eat peanut butter and baked beans?
A fart that sticks to the roof of your a$$.
Why did the bean blush?
It saw the salad dressing!
One day, two green beans, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb, and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured green bean called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured green bean was taken to the emergency department at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured green bean, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.”
“The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”
What do you call an unshaved pot-smoker’s clit*ris?
A bushy baked bean.
How do beans flirt?
They give you that saucy look.
What do you call weed smoking Mexicans?
Baked beans.
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display when a lady asks, “Do you have any green beans?”
The stockboy replies, “Sorry, ma’am, we’re out of green beans, but we’ll be getting a shipment tomorrow morning.”
The lady looks around some more. A few minutes later, she runs back to him asking where the green beans are. The stockboy, confused about her mental state, simply tells her, “Sorry, ma’am, we’re out of green beans, but we’ll be getting a shipment tomorrow morning.”
The lady looks around some more, then goes back to the same stockboy and asks, “Where the hell do you keep the green beans? I need some green beans right now!”
The stockboy, getting frustrated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady, “Answer a couple of questions and I’ll get you your green beans from the back.”
The lady agrees, and the man starts the questions.
“Spell ‘cat’ for me, as in ‘catastrophe.’”
She says, “OK — C-A-T.”
“Very good!” the stockboy says. “Now spell ‘dog,’ as in ‘dogmatic.’”
The lady, getting frustrated, spells it correctly.
Now the employee finally asks, “Now spell ‘fuc,’ as in green beans.”
She replies, “There’s no ‘f*ck’ in green beans!”
To which the stockboy replies, “THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!”
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How are soy beans & d*ld0s similar?
They’re both meat replacements.
A call girl visits the doctor.
Girl: “Doc, I think that I am pregnant.”
Doctor: “Do you know who the father is?”
Girl: “Oh! For f*ck’s sake, if you ate a can of beans. Would you know which one made you fart?”
What is the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
Donald Trump has never had a garbanzo bean on his face.
What do jelly beans and parents have in common?
If they’re black, you’ve got nothing to eat.
A man walking home from the market comes across a giant beanstalk reaching into the clouds that was never there before. Trying his luck, he decides to climb.
As he gets to the 1st set of clouds, he sees the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen before. She tells him, “You can have me now or climb further up to success.” Intrigued, the man thinks and decides to try his luck and climb higher.
Upon reaching the 2nd set of clouds, his jaw drops at an even more beautiful woman than the previous cloud. She says to the man, “You can have me now or climb further up to success.” The man thinks for a moment and decides to try his luck, and continues to climb.
As the man reaches the 3rd set of clouds, he sees a big, fat, hairy biker. Biker walks up to the man and says, “Hi, I’m Sess.”
Why can’t Jews eat beans?
It gives them gas.
What do you call a Mexican cop?
Pork and beans.
How do you get 100 Ethiopians in a post box?
Throw a tin of beans in there.
How do ya get ’em back out again?
Run past with a tin opener.
What’s a Pedo’s favorite breakfast?
Beans with mini sausages.
Why do Mexicans re-fry beans?
Because they can’t do anything right the first time.
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Three g@y guys die, and their partners are discussing what to do with their ashes.
“My John loved fishing, so I’m gonna dump his ashes in the lake!”
“My Charlie loved hiking, so I’ll scatter his ashes at the top of a mountain.”
“My Billy was one hell of a cook… so I’m gonna stir his ashes into a big pot of beans and let him blow my a$$ one last time…”
What do you call a Mexican in the pool?
Bean dip.
Do you have a Dirty Bean joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
