In the grown-up world, leprechauns aren’t just the quaint, cobbling folk from children’s tales. No, these little characters have a saucy side that’s strictly for adult ears. Known for their mischievous antics and a love for all things gold, adult leprechauns also have a penchant for racy humor that would make even a seasoned sailor blush. These aren’t your garden-variety fairy tales; these stories are sprinkled with a bit of adult spice, where the leprechauns are more likely to be found sipping a pint of stout than mending shoes. And as you might guess, their jokes follow suit, leading us into the daringly humorous world of dirty leprechaun jokes.
These leprechaun jokes take the cheeky charm of these mythical beings to a whole new level, blending the folklore with a dash of adult humor that’s as bold as it is hilarious. These jokes aren’t just about laughs; they’re a nod to the leprechaun’s legendary cunning and their ability to outsmart us, mere mortals, all while keeping a twinkle in their eye. Perfect for a night out with friends or a St. Patrick’s Day celebration where the drinks are flowing as freely as the laughter, these jokes promise a rollicking good time.
Adult Leprechaun Jokes
Why do Leprechauns laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
What was bulging under the leprechaun’s trousers?
His wee knee.
What’s the difference between a leprechaun and a hooker with 5 STD’s?
Well one of them is a cunning runt.
Why are all Leprechauns drug addicts?
Because there’s pot at the end of the rainbow!
A police officer stopped a man and searched his pockets. He found a bag of weed.
“What have we here?”
“It’s not mine officer.” He scoffs. “I’m serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket.”
“Bullshit.”
“Try me!” The police officer frowns but follows him as they head to the bathroom in this cafe. The man takes out the cannabis and flushes it down the crapper. The officer checks the man’s pocket and asks, “So where’s the bag of weed?”
“What bag of weed?”
What do you call it when a leprechaun gives you a handjob?
A stroke of luck.
What do leprechauns eat on St. Patrick’s Day?
Unicorned Beef.
What do you call a gathering of very sick Irish people?
Leprechaun.
A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income.
One morning, the father walks outside to find their cow dead.
“There is nothing that could help get us out of poverty now,” says the dad as he shoots himself.
The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the cow on the ground.
“I can’t live without my husband,” she says as she shoots herself with her husband’s gun.
The daughter walks outside and sees her mother, father and cow dead.
“I can’t live any longer without my family,” she says as she jumps into the river and kills herself.
The oldest son, 23 years old, walks outside looking for the family and sees them all dead.
“Is there any way to bring them back,” he yells at the sky.
Poof! A female leprechaun appears.
“I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow,” she says, “if you can f*ck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you.”
The boy f*cks her 3 times in a row and he dies.
The middle son, 19 years old, comes out and sees the leprechaun. She gives him the same offer as his brother.
“I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow,” she says, “if you can f*ck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you.”
The son agrees to do it but can only do it 4 times. He dies.
The youngest son, 15 years old, comes out and is given the same offer.
“I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow,” she says, “if you can f*ck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you.”
The son says, “What if I f*ck you 10 times in a row?”
The leprechaun thinks. She says, “I will bring back your family and give you my pot of gold.
The son says, “What if I f*ck you 20 times in a row?”
She thinks again and says, “I will bring back your family, give you my pot of gold and give you a mansion.”
The son thinks and says, “What if I f*ck you 30 times in a row?”
She thinks and says, “I will bring back your family and make you the richest man in Ireland.”
The son says, “Wait, how do I know you will survive it?”
“What do you mean?” says the leprechaun.
“The cow didn’t.”
What do leprechauns smoke?
Pot of gold.
Why was the leprechaun at the gay man’s funeral?
It was the end of the rainbow.
Where do leprechauns live?
In a lepre-colony.
A man enters a pub, walks up to have a seat at the bar, and then pulls out a three-inch tall leprechaun from his front shirt pocket to set it on the bar top.
The man looks at the bartender and says, “Yo, I’d like to get a beer for me and an Irish wine for my little pal here!”
The bartender returns with the drinks in a short time. The man drinks his beer, the leprechaun drinks all the Irish wine from the bottle. Only for it to suddenly stop in place for a moment, do a fancy little dancing jig, spin in place super fast for a few seconds, then run over to another man seated at the bar and go “PFFFFTTTT!!!” all over him!
The man who brought the leprechaun says to the bartender, “Yo, can I get ANOTHER beer and Irish wine for me and my little pal?”
Well as you can imagine, the same thing happens again: The man drinks his beer while the leprechaun drinks the entire bottle of Irish wine. Only for it to stop, do another little jig, spin in place very fast for a second or two, then run right back to the other man at the bar and go “PFFFFTTT!!!” all over him again.
Now the second man is both quite soaking wet from being spat on and very, VERY pissed. He turns to the man who brought the leprechaun and says, “Look, I don’t care that it’s a mythological being, but if that little f*cker does that one more time, I’m gonna castrate him with a butter-knife!”
The first man shrugs and says, “Hate to break it to you, but leprechauns don’t have male or female sexes; in fact, they don’t have any genitals at all.”
Stunned, the second man murmurs, “How the f*ck do they take a piss without any genitals?”
The first man having heard him says, “OOHH, that’s simple…. they go “PFFFFFTTTT!!!”
What traits do autistic people and leprechauns share?
They’re both on the spectrum.
Why did the leprechaun wear two condoms?
To be sure, to be sure.
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they’re usually a little short.
An Irishman goes into a bar.
After downing several pints, he heads to the loo to take a huge piss.
At the urinal next to him, there’s a short guy, wearing all green, with a top hat and a pipe. He takes a quick peek and sees the short guy has a huge dick.
The Irish guy is drunk and decides to say, “I’d do anything to have a dick that big.”
The short guy says, “I’m a leprechaun. I’ll grant you one wish if you suck my dick.”
The guy thinks about it for a minute, and being sauced, he agrees. He’s kneeling down, sucking the smaller guy’s dick for a few minutes, and then stops and says, “I can’t believe I’m sucking a leprechaun’s dick!”
The short guy replies, “I can’t believe that you think I’m a leprechaun!”
What’s the difference between your s*x life and a leprechaun?
If you told that the leprechaun existed, one would believe you.
General Mills is releasing a new cereal with the Lucky Charms Leprechaun’s evil half-brother.
He’s tragically malicious.
What did the Dr. say to the Leprechaun when the Leprechaun hurt his eye?
“Oh yeah you’re Eye-rish.”
Mother Superior is in the convent when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, “Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?”
“No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent.”
“And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?”
“No, my son, I don’t believe there’s a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!”
The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, “AH TOL’ YE YOU’D BEEN FOOKIN’ A PENGUIN!”
What do you call a prisoner with leprosy?
A leprechaun.
Why does the cannibal eat leprechauns?
They’re magically delicious.
What does a leprechaun wear?
Cloveralls.
An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head, and the golfer’s ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
“Arrgh! What happened?” the Leprechaun asked.
“I’m afraid I hit you with my golf ball,” the golfer says.
“Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?”
“Thank God, you’re all right!” the golfer answers in relief. “I don’t want anything, I’m just glad you’re OK, and I apologize.” And the golfer walks off.
“What a nice guy,” the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I’ll give him the three things I would want… a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.”
A year goes by and the American golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
“Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,” the little guy says. “I just want to ask ye, how’s yer golf game?”
“My game is fantastic!” the golfer answers. I’m an internationally famous golfer now.” He adds, “By the way, it’s good to see you’re all right.”
“Oh, I’m fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how’s yer money situation?”
“Why, it’s just wonderful!” the golfer states “When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $10000 bills I didn’t even know were there!”
“I did that fer ye also.” And tell me, how’s yer sex life?”
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, “It’s OK.”
“C’mon, c’mon now,” urged the Leprechaun, “I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?”
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around and then whispers, “Once, sometimes twice a week.”
“What??” responds the Leprechaun in shock. “That’s all? Only once or twice a week?”
“Well,” says the golfer, “I figure that’s not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.”
What do you call it when a leprechaun sharts?
Lucky streak.
Recommended: Funny Leprechaun Jokes
Why did the leprechaun pick his nose?
He was digging for gold.
A stoner finds a leprechaun who promises to grant only one wish.
Stoner: Alright maaan, uhhh, how about…. a joint of the best weed EVER that never goes out or burns up, and I will never gain a tolerance to it.
Leprechaun: A neverending joint, splendid wish. So great a wish in fact that I will grant you one more wish.
Stoner: Really, another wish, that’s awesome!
Leprechaun: Sure thing, whatever your heart desires.
Stoner: I’ll take another one!
Did you know that Irish people are very stingy with their money?
Well duh, why else would leprechauns hide their gold at the end of the rainbow!
What is the name of the leprechaun who never goes inside?
Patty O’furniture.
Do you have an adult joke on Leprechaun? Write down the puns in the comment section below!
