Wishes are like the last slice of pizza, everyone wants one, but not everyone gets it. From birthday candles to lucky coins, we all hope the universe is listening. But wish jokes prove life has a funny way of twisting our dreams like wishing for good grades and getting a lesson in studying instead!
That’s where wish jokes shine, turning wild dreams into laughs. They poke fun at the gap between what we want and what we get—like wishing for riches and getting Monopoly money. In the end, the best wish might just be for a good sense of humor!
Best Wish Jokes
A genie granted this man 2 out of his 3 wishes, and his third wish was for him to forget he ever met the man.
He replied with, “I am a genie, and I shall grant you 3 wishes!”
What does the shy little pebble wish for?
To be a little Bolder.
What’s the difference between a genie and a scientist?
One grants wishes and the other wishes for grants.
I wish I could be ugly for one day.
Being ugly every day sucks.
Genie: You have 3 wishes.
Kid: I’ve seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.
Genie: I promise that won’t happen. I’m so sure it won’t I’ll give you infinite wishes if it does.
Kid: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.
Genie: You son of a…
I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day.
I’m tired of being fat every day.
An Irish man frees a genie who is happy to be released from his confinement. So the genie grants him 3 wishes.
The Irishman thinks about it, and says “I want me a pint of Guinness that is never empty.”
So poof a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The man drinks it down, and when he places it back on the bar, it’s filled up again.
“So, what would you like for your other two wishes, sir?”
“I want two more of these, then!”
What would you call it if you had a female genie grant all of your wishes?
Miss-o-genie.
Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes.
Me: I wish for a world without lawyers.
Genie: Done, you have no more wishes.
Me: But you said 3.
Genie: Sue me.
Did you hear about the depressed Swede?
He wished he’d never been Bjorn!
A genie asked, “What’s your first wish?”
Steve answered, “I wish I was rich.”
And the genie said, “What’s your second wish, Rich?”
What do you call someone’s death wish?
A deathtiny.
Barack Obama walks into a bar, but he is invisible.
After attracting the bartender’s attention, the bartender says “Ok, I’ll bite. Why are you invisible?”
Barack says “Well, I found a bottle on the beach and…then I rubbed it.” “And then…importantly…A genie came out.” “The genie said I could have…3 wishes.”
For my first wish, I said “Let me say this, and this is profoundly important…I want Michelle to marry me…I love her,…and I think America will love her too.” That wish was granted.
For my second wish, I said “Like all patriotic Americans, I am deeply patriotic…and I want to be President…of the United States…so I can serve my country.” That wish was granted too.
And then, for my third wish, I started by saying “Let me be clear…”
Me at age 10: “I wish I was a dog. They’re always happy, get to run around all day, and everyone loves them!”
Me at age 24: “I wish I was a dog. I’d have died by now.”
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and spade.
Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.
They rub it, and a genie appears.
“I have three wishes, so I’ll give one to each of you,” the genie announces.
The first dinosaur thinks hard.
“Alright,” he says, “I’ll have a big, juicy, piece of meat.”
Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he’d ever seen appears in front of him.
Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.
“I know! I’ll have a shower of meat!”
Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.
The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.
“I’ve got it!” he cries, “I want a MEATIER shower!”
What do you call a dentist that grants 3 wishes?
A dental hygenie!
Does anyone know the name of that movie where a kid makes a wish and he grows up to be Tom Hanks?
I can’t think of the title but it was Big in the 80s.
What do you call a song about somebody wanting something?
Wishful singing.
A man finds a genie lamp, rubs it, and poof a Genie appears.
Genie: I have the power to grant you 3 wishes but keep in mind, whatever you wish, your mother-in-law will receive two-fold…
Man: Ok. My first wish is for 1 billion dollars.
Genie: Your wish is granted, but keep in mind that your mother-in-law will receive 2 billion dollars.
Man: That’s fine. My second wish is for a 20,000sq ft mansion in the Hamptons.
Genie: Your wish is granted, but keep in mind that your mother-in-law will receive a 40,000sq ft mansion in the Hamptons.
Man: That’s fine.
Genie: Ok. What is your third wish?
Man: I want you to beat me half to death.
Genie: Okay what’s your last wish?
Me: I wish I had a tail.
Genje: Wejrd but okay.
A genie grants three wishes to an old lady.
She says, “I want to be young again.”
poof
She’s young again.
“I want my little house to be turned into a beautiful mansion.”
poof
She’s now living in a beautiful mansion.
“I want my cat to be turned into a handsome young man!”
poof
Her cat is now a handsome young man.
“Oh cat, all my fantasies have come true! Take me in your arms, take me upstairs and make mad, passionate love to me!”
The cat says, “Oh darlin’, you should’ve thought about that a long time ago, before you had me fixed.”
The old man is told by the Genie that he will grant him one wish.
The man says, “I wish for a wife 30 years younger!”
So the genie made him 90.
A stoner rubs a bong and a genie comes out, offering three wishes.
The stoner says, “Ok for my first wish, I want a six-inch joint.” And poof! A joint appears and the stoner and genie sit down and smoke it together.
“For my second wish, I want a 12-inch blunt!” And poof! A blunt appears and the stoner and genie sit down and smoke it together.
“Ok now for my third wish, I want an 18-inch monster roll with a THC-concentrate core!” And poof! The biggest blunt you’ve ever seen appears and the stoner and genie sit down and smoke it together.
Finally, the genie gets up and slowly starts to stagger away. Then he stops, turns his head, and with a stoney grin says, “Ok man, one more wish!”
I wish I had Trump as a teacher.
Citations would be easy.
“You know it, I know it, everyone knows it!”
Yo mama so poor, when she wishes down a well, she wishes for her money back
A guy sees a lamp, rubs it, and a Genie comes out. The genie is so happy that he decides to grant one wish. The guy thinks about it and says “I want to be a powerful man in the world, and have a beautiful wife”
The next morning the guy woke in an unfamiliar room, and a beautiful woman said to him, “Wake up John, it’s a busy day, we have a car tour in Dallas.”
On her deathbed, Morton’s wife had one last wish.
“Dearest Morton, when I’m gone I want you to go on and live your life to the fullest and meet someone new. I want you to give her my jewellry, my wedding ring, and my Parisian dresses.”
“I can’t do that..” says Morton. His wife insists, “Oh, but you must! You must!”
He replies, “No, I really can’t – You’re a size 17 and she wears a size 10.”
Genie: You have 3 wishes. What is your first?
Guy: I wish for more wishes.
Genie: You can wish for anything but more wishes.
Guy: Damn. I wish I could.
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
This guy accidentally texted his wife “I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.”
A Genie once granted me one wish, so I said, “I just want to be happy”.
So now I’m living in a little cottage with 6 dwarfs, working in a mine and singing ?’ Whistle while you work…….’ ?
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie pops out!
The genie says that he will grant the man only one wish, and that he has to pick from three choices. He can either be the richest man in the world, the most popular man in the world, or the wisest man in the world. The man says “We all know that money does not bring happiness, and that popularity just makes you a slave to the whims of others, but wisdom is everlasting. I want to be the wisest man in the world.”
The Genie goes “poof” and suddenly the man’s face assumes a serene expression. He sits down, rubbing his chin in thought. Then he looks towards the genie and says, “I should have taken the money”.
A man is stranded in the desert when he comes across a genie’s lamp. He rubs it and the genie grants him just one wish. The man said, “I could die happy here, if I could just get…”
… one more ‘s’.
Genie: OK, I’m ready for your third wish.
Me: Third? What about the first two?
Genie: Well, this is a little unusual, but after your first wish, you screamed like a madman and said “I wish I’d never made that wish!” So that counted as your second wish, and I erased your memory of both of them.
Me: Well, OK. I wish I really understood how women think.
Genie: Granted. By the way, that was your first wish, too.
A genie offers a Balkan man one wish, but his neighbor will get double whatever he wishes for himself.
The man wishes for one of his kidneys to fail.
There is a legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York there is a magical mirror If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you a wish If you lie – poof it swallows you up.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead walk into this bar. They head straight for the mirror. The redhead goes first and says, “I think I’m the most beautiful woman on Earth” Poof- the mirror swallows her up. The brunette goes up to the mirror and says, “I think I’m the sexiest woman on Earth” Poof – the mirror swallows her up.
Last, the blonde goes up to the mirror and says, ” I think…” Poof!
Genie granted me one wish, but with the condition that my enemy will get two times more.
I asked for 120/80 blood pressure.
A man stumbles upon a genie in the desert.
The genie pops up and says, “Congratulations, you may now request 2 wishes.” Feeling confused, the man asks, “Why isn’t 3 wishes? Isn’t it always 3?” After which, the genie tells the man to look in his pants.
After a few seconds of amazement by the man, the genie explains, “Listen, kid, I’ve been doing this a long time.”
Three blondes are stranded on an island. A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish. So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs in her bag, and finds a cell phone and calls the Army.
The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair in her purse, and fires it off. The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says,”Let’s go over the bridge.”
A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well.
and a genie pops out. The genie tells him “You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish.”
“I want a dragon.”
“Are you sure? That’s… pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?”
“I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet.”
“…what color dragon do you want?”
One day, a lawyer finds a genie’s lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
“You have three wishes,” the genie says. “The only rule is that you can’t wish for more wishes.”
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, “I wish the word splork were interchangeable with the word wish. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word wish as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks.”
The genie sighs and says, “This is why nobody likes lawyers.”
A young man is going about his regular day when a genie stops him and grants him one wish.
The man pauses to think for a moment, then says, “Okay, I’ve got one.”
He tells the genie that he wants to build a bridge from Los Angeles to Sydney so he can drive there whenever he wants.
The genie immediately shakes his head and says, “No, that’s not possible. The Pacific Ocean is too deep, the currents are too strong, and the bridge would never hold up. It’s impossible. Wish for something else.”
A little upset that he can’t have his bridge, the man takes a moment to think and then says, “Alright, I wish to understand how a woman’s mind works.”
The genie sighs and asks, “Do you want the bridge to be two lanes or four?”
Say what you want about the Make-a-Wish Foundation
But they know how to work to a deadline.
My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
Do you have a funny Wish Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
