“Tell Me a Joke” Jokes are like the snack-sized treats of comedy. They are short, sweet, and guaranteed to leave you with a grin. They’re the kind of jokes you can ask a friend or even a virtual assistant, and bam, they hit you with something quick and funny. It’s the perfect antidote to awkward silences or when you’re stuck in an elevator with someone who loves small talk.
What makes “Tell Me a Joke” Jokes so fun is their unpredictability. You never know if you’re going to hear a clever pun, a groan-worthy dad joke, or something so absurd it leaves you laughing for no reason at all. They’re like mystery boxes of humor, always serving up a surprise that turns an ordinary moment into something worth remembering.
Funniest “Tell Me a Joke” Jokes
Every morning, I tell my family that I’m going jogging and then I don’t go.
It’s a running joke.
Two blind guys walk into a bar.
The second one says to the first one, “You could have warned me!”
Why did the chicken nugget cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends.
The local blacksmith passed away and I inherited his dog.
As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
The Lord said to John “Come forth and receive eternal life”.
But John came fifth so he just won toaster.
Where do bumblebees go to use the restroom?
At the BP station.
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.
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A skeleton walks into a bar.
And orders a beer and a mop.
Who’s the coolest person in the hospital?
The ultra sound guy.
Who’s the coolest when the ultra sound guy isn’t there?
The hip replacement guy.
What’s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One’s really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.
Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.
I went to a beekeeper to buy a dozen bees.
He counted out 13 and gave them to me. So, being an honest person I told him “Sir, you gave me one too many!”
He looked at me and said, “That one is a freebie!”
What’s the difference between a steak and a shooting star?
One’s meaty, the other is a little meteor.
What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher get fired?
She couldn’t control her pupils.
A Roman centurion goes into the bar and asks for a martinus.
The bartender asks, “Don’t you mean a martini?”
Centurion says, “If I want a double, I’ll ask for it!”
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3 guys walk into a bar.
The fourth one ducks.
What do you get when you change an elephant into a cat?
A cat.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven: One muffin turns to the other and says, “Man, it’s hot in here.”
The other muffin cries, “Holy crap, A Talking Muffin!!”
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Two parrots are sitting on a perch.
Says one to the other: ” Do you smell fish?”
My wife told me to stop doing flamingo impressions.
I had to put my foot down.
One snowman turns to the other and says, “Can you smell carrots?”
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob.
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused drugs during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.
Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they AHRR!
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Able.
What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A wOnKeY.
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor guy.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.
Where do you find a dog with no arms or no legs?
Right where you left it.
What do you call a marine with an IQ of 70?
General.
I went to a zoo. All it had was a dog.
It was a shit-zoo.
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Where did the girl go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
What do you call a Mexican boy?
A paragraph. When he grows up, he becomes an esé.
2 pretzels were walking down the street.
One was aSALTed.
Why don’t sharks eat drowning attorneys?
Professional courtesy.
An elephant climbed a tree and sat on a branch.
Squirrel said, “What are you doing up here?”
“Eating some apples,” said the elephant.
“You dummy this is a pine tree!” said the squirrel.
“I know,” said the elephant who proceeded to pull apples out his bag.
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur?
DoYouThinkHeSaurus.
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur dog?
DoYouThinkHeSaurus Rex.
What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor?
“Make me one with everything.”
Why do they only bury farmers two feet in the ground?
So they can still get their handout.
Did you see Helen Keller’s new house?
No. Neither did she.
Unemployment jokes don’t work.
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What do you call it when a chameleon can’t camouflage?
A reptile dysfunction.
What did Missy Elliot say when selling ice cream?
“Come get ya free cone!”
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
He wanted to get a long little doggie.
A father was washing his car with his son.
And the son asked, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
A friend of mine is an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac.
He stays up all night long wondering if there’s a dog.
I invented a new word today. Plagiarism.
Just got attacked by 6 dwarves.
Not Happy.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, “Dam.”
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Why did the old man fall into the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe Philoppe.
What did they give the guy who invented the door knocker?
A No-bell prize.
This grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper looks confused and says, “You have a drink called Irving?”
Why can’t Cinderella play baseball?
Because she runs away from the ball and her coach is a pumpkin.
Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks?
They’re a little meteor.
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A synonym roll.
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What do you call a dog who can do magic?
Labracadabrador.
Why did the scarecrow win the lifetime achievement award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
The bartender says “I’m sorry we don’t serve time travellers here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.
Why did the ancient Egyptians like to keep their heads shaved?
To be more Pharaoh-dynamic!
Where does the General keep his armies?
In his sleevies!
What do you call an explosive monkey?
Baboom!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked his problem out with a pencil.
Why do North Koreans draw the best straight lines?
They have a supreme ruler.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
What’s the difference between Saudi Arabia and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Saudi Arabia don’t like the Flinstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do!
Why doesn’t anyone ever play poker in a zoo?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Know why you should never eat Jolly Green Giant vegetables?
Because he always stands over the corn and peas.
What do you call it when you finish your tea?
Tea end!
Do you have a funny “Tell Me a Joke” Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
