Mermaid stories swim through old sea tales like a shiny thread, following a half human and half fish being that keeps showing up in sailor talk and late-night docks. Mermaid jokes grew around those tales, and this blog follows one drifting from tavern whispers to modern humor, with a narrator who keeps getting pulled deeper by curiosity.
Then these jokes drift into Dirty Mermaid Jokes as the same storyteller starts hearing wilder versions that float around after midnight, where grown-ups twist sea myths into cheeky humor. These puns keep riding that tide, turning simple sea lore into bold laughs that splash across adult conversations.
Adult Mermaid Jokes
How do we know a blind man created mermaids?
He smelled the bottom half of a woman.
Where do mermaids go to make sweet love?
The seabed.
What’s a mermaid’s favorite drug?
Seaweed.
A man walks into a bar and sits next to a guy with a very small head.
After a few beers, the man asks the other person, “Hey, I’m not trying to be disrespectful, but how come you have such a little head?”
The man responds, “It’s a bittersweet story, to be sure. When I was in the army, my plane was shot down in the Pacific. I jumped out of a plane and landed on a remote island. After a few months on this isolated island, a gorgeous mermaid arrived out of nowhere and gave me three wishes. My first wish is to be saved from this island, I told her.”
“A rescue boat will locate you tomorrow,” the Mermaid stated.
My second wish is to be wealthy for the rest of my life.”
The Mermaid said, “Invest early in these companies, and you will be a wealthy man… And what is your final wish?”
“Well, Mermaid, you know I’ve been stranded on this island for so long, and seeing as you are so beautiful, I’d wish for nothing more than to sleep with you.”
The Mermaid sighed and said, “I cannot grant you that wish, you see I’m a half fish, it would not work.”
Frustrated, the man said, “Well, how about a little head then?”
If a sailor calls a woman in the ocean a Mermaid, what does he call a woman on land?
Land Ho!
What’s the difference between a woman who plays Fortnite and a lesbi@n mermaid?
One’s a gamer girl, the other’s a gay mer-girl.
What do you call male mermaids?
Sea men.
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Paddy, an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Welshman. They come to see a mermaid sitting on a rock. They have never seen a more lovely creature.
“Have you ever been kissed?” asks an Englishman. The mermaid is coy and says no. He kisses her on the cheek gently. A Welshman stands forward and asks if you’ve ever been hugged. When the mermaid says no again, he hugs her.
Irish man rocks up and asks, “Ever been f*cked?” The mermaid goes a bit red in the face and says no. To which the Irishman replies, “You are now, the tides gone out.”
What are gay mermen afraid of?
MermAIDS.
What’s the luckiest fish?
Starfish, mermaids use them as bras.
What do you call a lesbi@n mermaid?
An h2omosexual.
Two English gentlemen are fishing on a boat.
The one receives a tremendous pull on his line while they are both fishing in silence, as gentlemen do. He takes a gorgeous mermaid out of the sea after some fighting. While holding her, he examines her from head to tail: top half lady, bottom half fish.
The mermaid looks him in the eyes with an amorous expression. He then drops her back into the water without saying anything.
His friend, in complete disbelief, exclaims, “But why?”
To which the first replies, “But how?”
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Kid: “Dad, are mermaids fish or women?”
Dad: “It depends on whether you are h0rny or hungry.”
What do you call a redneck mermaid?
A Gillbilly.
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman are walking down the beach and see a Mermaid.
The Englishman stops and asks her, “Have you ever been kissed?” She replies, “No, I haven’t.” So he kisses her.
The Scotsman asks her, “Have you ever been fondled?” She replies, “No, I haven’t.” So he fondles her.
Lastly, the Irishman walks up and asks, “Have you ever been f*cked?” She replies, “No, I haven’t”, and he tells her, “You have now, the tide went out ten minutes ago!”
What do you call a muslim mermaid?
Torpedo.
What’s the difference between police sirens and mermaid sirens?
The police sirens, tase, and shoot you first. Regular sirens just go straight to the drown-and-eat-you part.
What’s the difference between an emo kid and Ariel?
Ariel has cuts for breathing.
Once there was a guy who had a 25-inch package. With that large size, it was more of a problem for him. Relationships never lasted, life was awkward, and he was completely fed up.
Desperate, he went to a doctor and explained his situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, “Go to the ocean at midnight. You’ll find a mermaid. Ask her to marry you. Every time she says no, it’ll shrink by five inches.” Even though he doubted it, he went anyway just for the sake of it.
At 12:00 A.M, a mermaid appeared. He approached her and asked her to marry him. She said No and his package actually got shorter by 5 inches, but he thought it was too long, so again he asked her to marry him, and it got to 15 inches. He thought, with 10 inches it will be of perfect length, so very happily he asked the mermaid again, “Will you marry me?”
The mermaid, now frustrated, replies, “How many times do I have to tell you? No No No.”
What do you call a mermaid’s flying b00b?
Ariel’s aerial areola.
How does it become pregnant in the first place?
Artifishial inseamenation.
Do you have a Dirty Mermaid joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
