Pickles have always had a talent for slipping into grown-up conversations with a kind of mischievous charm, and that is exactly why adults never quite outgrow them. In my story, it began when a friend brought a jar to a party and whispered that these little green troublemakers had a reputation for sparking cheeky thoughts. Everyone nodded with a guilty smile, as if the jar itself knew more secrets than it should.
That same night, the talk drifted toward Dirty Pickle Jokes, and the room lit up with playful tension even though no one dared share a single line. The jar sat in the middle of the table like a tiny troublemaker supervising the fun, and the group carried on with teasing stories about how these jokes always show up at the wrong moments. By the end, it felt like the pickles had taken over the mood, guiding everyone into harmless mischief without saying a word.
Adult Pickle Jokes
What is pickle bread before its baked?
Dill dough.
What did Spider-Man do when he found a penis in a jar of formaldehyde?
Well Peter Parker picked that pickled p*cker.
What did the girl pickle say to the boy pickle when she found out that he had been cheating on her?
That’s a dill-breaker!
What’s the difference between an@l and a cheeseburger?
A cheeseburger doesn’t fart when you remove the pickle.
Husband comes home after getting fired from the pickle factory.
His wife asks, What the hell happened?!
He says, “I got caught sticking my dick in the pickle slicer.”
“Dear lord!” she declares. “Are you OK?”
“Yeah, I’m totally fine,” he says.
“Was the pickle slicer turned on?” she says.
To which the husband replied, “Yeah, she loved it.”
A guy walks in on his daughter masturbating with a pickle.
“Sick!” he says. “I was going to eat that. Now it’s going to taste like pickle.”
Yo mama so disgusting, one time, I stuck a cucumber up in her, and when I pulled it out it was a pickle.
I was teased about my p*nis size almost every day of elementary school.
I got called names like teeny weenie, micro dong, and pickled pecker.
If it weren’t for that, being home-schooled wouldn’t have been so bad.
Why was the Hulk charged with sexual harassment at Burger King?
He asked them to hold the pickle.
Recommended: Pickle Jokes
A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are in a heated debate over whose life is more difficult.
The cucumber says, “Man, I’ve got it rough…when I get big, fat and juicy, they rip me off the vine, slice me up, put me in a salad, and eat me!”
The pickle laughs and says, “That’s nothing. When I get big, fat and juicy, they rip me off the vine, put me in a jar of vinegar for who knows how long, and THEN eat me!”
The penis doesn’t laugh, but instead stares grimly off into space. “That’s easy…when I get big, fat, and juicy, they put a plastic bag over my head, throw me into a dark room, and smash my head against a wall until I puke and pass out.”
A mama pickle was walking past her son’s room when she heard some thumping coming from inside.
She banged on the door and yelled, “Quit gherkin off in there!”
My girlfriend has the strangest pregnancy cravings.
At 18 weeks, she craves oranges and pickles, but at 6 weeks, she craves coat hangers and vodka.
Schwartz dies and is brought to the local funeral home to be laid out. The funeral director carts him in and begins to undress the body, but when he pulls off the man’s pants, he can’t believe what he sees! Mr. Schwartz has easily got the largest penis he’s ever seen. I mean- HUGE! “I can’t believe the size of this thing,” he thinks. “Nobody would ever believe this!” So he does something completely out of character: he cuts it off and puts it in a pickle jar with some formaldehyde. The thing is curled 3 times around the bottom. That night he gets home and can’t wait to show his wife.
“Honey! Look at THIS!”
She takes one look and screams- “Oh my God! Schwartz is dead!!!”
What do you get when you cross a pickle with a deer?
A dildoe.
I like my women like I like my fried pickles.
Oily, moist, and battered.
Two morticians meet in a bar and talk about their jobs.
The first mortician says to the other, “Today I got a woman who had a cl*toris like a pickled cucumber”.
The other one asks, “What, so big?”
“No,” says the first, “so salty!”
I’ve developed a fetish for brined cucumbers.
Now I’m in a pickle.
Why is pickled venison so arousing?
Because it’s a dill doe.
It’s always confusing when I go on dates and find out my dates are shemales.
It’s like reaching into a cookie jar and pulling out a pickle.
A guy, who is not very well endowed, unfortunately, is getting married in a week, and he’s freaking out.
He’s so embarrassed by the diminutive size of his member, he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. The wedding night comes, and out of desperation, he sneaks a large pickle into bed- and successfully gets through the night. As a matter of fact, that’s how he gets through the next several years until one night, his wife grows suspicious. So on goes the bedside lamp and back go the covers, and there it is.
She looks at him and says- “You son of a b*tch! You mean to tell me you’ve been using a PICKLE on me for the last eight years of our marriage?!?”
He looks at her pleadingly- “Okay… okay… you got me. But before you judge me too harshly- I never said ONE WORD when the kids came along!”
What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
A quarter pounder.
What’s the difference between a f*tus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
Do you have a Dirty Pickle joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
