A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 32,” he replies.
“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.
A little while later, she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the same question.
The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.”
With a big smile, the woman responds, “Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”
Again, she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man standing next to her the same question.
He replies, “Lady, I’m 78, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then, can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”
He slips both hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each bre@st, gently pinching each n*pple. He pushes her bre@sts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay… How old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman asks, “That was incredible! How could you tell?”
“I was behind you at McDonald’s.”
Explanation: The humor builds as the old man makes an outrageous claim about determining age, leading the woman to let curiosity get the best of her. The punchline delivers the twist—he didn’t need to touch her at all; he overheard her at McDonald’s, making his “method” hilariously unnecessary.
