Avocados are like the popular kids at the fruit party. They are cool, creamy, and always in demand. They’re technically berries, but don’t tell the strawberries or they might get jealous. Full of good fats and smooth charm, avocados have wiggled their way into sandwiches, salads, and even skincare. With all this fame, it’s no surprise people are cracking up over Avocado Jokes too.
And just like that, Avocado Jokes started growing faster than a ripe avo turns brown. From puns to silly stories, these jokes spread like smashed avocado on toast, proving that even a fruit with a giant seed can plant big laughs.

Best Avocado Jokes

There are 6.02×10^23 guacas in a guacamole,
Which is also known as the avocado’s number.

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?
I have like 50 wooden balls already.

If two avocado are “avocados”
then shouldn’t three avocado be “avocatres”, and four be “avoquatro”, and five be “avocinco”?

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Avocado!
(Avocado who?)
Avocado cold.

What is the difference between guacamole and Mexican courtrooms?
One is full of avocados and the other is full of abogados.

Saw a falcon eating avocado toast.
Guess it’s a millennial falcon.

People laugh at my car because it’s ugly and green.
At least I avocado.

What do you call an avocado that doesn’t?
An avocadon’t.

What do you call avocados blessed by the Pope?
Holy Guacamole.

What do you get when you cross an avocado with The Jungle Book?
Guacamowgli.

Recommended: Guacamole Jokes

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six.”
A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk.
“Why did you buy six cartons of milk?” the wife asks.
He replies, “They had avocados.”

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?
I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

Why shouldn’t you put avocados in your eyes?
You could get guacoma.

Found a bullet in my avocado.
Guess you can call it glockomole.

What did the Mexican avocado want to be when it grows up?
A lawyer.

Picking up women in bars is like picking up Avocados in a supermarket…
You have no idea how damaged they are until you get them home.

What do you call an avocado that’s giving you the silent treatment?
An Incommunicado.

What do you call an expired avocado?
Guaca-moldy.

What do you call it when you’re in the kitchen and accidentally step on some avocado that fell in the floor?
Sockamole.

An old man was staying in a hotel and went for breakfast at the restaurant.
The waiter asked him what he’d like for breakfast and the old man replies, “I want porridge but it must be lumpy and under cooked, then I want some bacon, eggs and toast but the bacon must be burnt to a crisp, the eggs must be runny and snotty and the toast I want 1 slice very soggy and the other slice must be burnt so bad that it would unfit for human consumption. Oh and beans but the beans must be half scorching and half frozen. And a month old muffin. Then I want coffee but it must be weak and taste like cat pee with 4 day old sour milk. Oh and a slice of avocado but it must be bruised and have some flies eggs laid in it. “
The waiter replied, “Sorry, sir, but we couldn’t possibly ever serve you a meal like that.”
And the old man replied, “Why not? You gave it to me yesterday!”

What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.

Shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials.
Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house.

What do you call avocados that are grown in the Everglades?
Guacodiles.

What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of?
Avocado pickers.

What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie.

What do you call an overly affectionate avocado?
An avocuddle.

What type of music do avocados listen to?
Guac & Roll.

What’s an avocado’s favourite kind of exercise?
Avocardio!

Wife: “He is always mixing up common phrases!”
Therapist: “What if you are misinterpreting him?”
Husband: “Ooh..Check you out for playing devil’s avocado.”

An avocado thief was caught committing a crime…
I heard they tried to get away, but they didn’t av a car doe…

What do you call it when you punch someone with an avocado?
Guacamelee.

What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
Bravocado!

What do you call a rodent that eats avocados
Guacamole.

What’s the difference between a ripe and a rotten avocado?
About fifteen minutes.

What’s an avocado’s favorite arcade game?
Guac-a-Mole.

Farmers would make a lot more money if they didn’t grow avocado.
They should try growing twovocadoes.

What does Pac-Man put in his tacos?
Guacauacauacauacauacamole.

Bought an avocado to boost my memory.
But forgot where did I put it.

What is an avocados dream date?
Going for long guacs on the beach.

When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make?
Guac!

What do you call mashed avocado with milk?
Guacam-au-lait.

What is Shere Khan’s favourite dip?
Guaca-mowgli.

A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a asparagus stalk in the other ear, and an avocado in one nostril. The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”

I left some avocados in the fridge for too long, and they started a band.
They mostly play hard guac.

What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.

Why do avocados find it so hard to date each other?
Because they’re just never quite ripe.

What did the dad who had too many avocados say to people as he handed them out for free?
“Havocado!”

Recommended: Banana Jokes

How do robots eat guacamole?
With microchips!

How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate avocado toast before it was cool.

What is an avocado’s favorite Christmas song?
Guac-in’ Around the Christmas Tree.

How does an avocado move?
They guac.

One day, two avocados, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb, and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.
The uninjured avocado called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured avocado was taken to the emergency department at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured avocado, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.”
“The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”

Why are avocados always sad?
Because they have a pit in their stomach.

What did the grumpy avocado say?
“You have guac to be kidding me!”

Where does an avocado go if it needs time to think?
On a walkamole.

Yo mama so cheap, she uses avocado peels as slippers.

What is the name of Voldemort’s favorite guacamole recipe?
Avocado-kedavra.

Recommended: Pumpkin Jokes

How do you know when avocado’s need to go to rehab?
Because they’ll be avocontrol

What happens when avocados fall out?
It gets guacward!

What does a rooster crow on an avocado farm?
Guac-a-doodle-doo.

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an avocado?
Cockamole.

How does an avocado fairy tale end?
Happily avo after!

Do you have a funny Avocado Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!