Casinos are vibrant, bustling hubs of gambling activities, offering a range of games from slot machines to poker tables. These establishments are designed to create an atmosphere of fun and excitement, while at the same time promising the allure of potentially huge winnings. An integral part of understanding casino dynamics is acknowledging “the house.” The house, referring to the casino itself, is known to always have an edge in all casino games. This concept, known as the house advantage or house edge, is the statistical advantage that the casino has in each game, ensuring it will make a profit in the long run, no matter how players may win in the short term.
When it comes to humor, casino jokes often play on the various elements that make up the casino experience – the hope, the despair, the thrill of the game, and often, the inevitable losses. The witty puns or one-liners often highlight the irony of going against the house, knowing well that the odds are stacked against the player. They may poke fun at the optimism of gamblers or the lengths they will go to for that elusive win. Just like a poker game, these jokes often have a twist or surprise in the punchline that makes them funny. These jokes, told in the right spirit, can add a dash of humor to the adrenaline-charged casino atmosphere, allowing players to share a laugh over shared experiences.
Best Casino Jokes
What’s the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
How bad is Inflation in the country?
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
What do you call a T-Rex that works in a casino?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear about the fat guy who spent his free time in a British casino?
He heard it was a fast way to lose pounds.
Why are there no casinos in China?
They hate Tibet.
How do you walk out of a Casino with $1 Million?
Walk in with $2 Million.
What is it called when you’re having second thoughts about booking a room at a Native American casino?
A reservation reservation reservation.
Why are there no casinos in France?
Because nobody likes Toulouse.
What is the worst part of selling a casino?
Everything is a gamble.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.”
With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!” As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, “Yes! Yes! I won! I won!” She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, “What did she roll?” The other answers, “I don’t know, I thought you were watching.”
Why are there no casinos in Africa?
Too many cheetahs.
Recommended: Gambling Jokes
What did the nun wear to the casino?
Her gambling habit.
How do casinos make a lot of money from Han Solo?
They never tell him the odds.
Why did the deer get mad at his girlfriend when she got back from the casino?
She told him that she blew 30 bucks while she was there.
Why do fat people lose so much at casino tables?
Because whenever they are out of chips they always grab more.
A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening… suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him and whispers, “Take all the money in your wallet, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!”
The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, puts all the money on 27, and wins!
Excited he exits the casino and meets the Devil again. The latter is silent for a moment and then says again, “Take all your money – all that you’ve won – go inside and put them on 27!” – “Again?!” – “Yes! Do it!” – The man quickly yields, goes in again, put all the money on 27, and … wins!
Now everyone in the casino is amazed, they check the wheel, and nope no tilt or bias (and it was outputting numbers randomly before), seems like genuine luck, reluctantly he’s given almost two hundred thousand dollars and leaves elated. Outside he meets the Devil again who again tells him to go put everything on 27, the man is shocked but does so, and wins again!
And now he’s given most of the casino’s bank, millions of dollars, walks out shining like a star, and says to the Devil, “I don’t know why people say you’re the most sinister being there is, you’ve been awesome to me today!!”
The Devil looks at him strangely, pauses, and replies, “Well that may be true or not but you are definitely the luckiest motherf*cking son of a bitch that I’ve ever f*cking seen!!”
Why did the monks go to the casino?
Why betting your house in the casino is the best thing you can do?
The house always win.
Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino?
He was caught counting carbs.
Did you hear about the casino that hired a blacksmith?
He who smelt it, dealt it.
Why was the card dealer at the casino so resilient?
He dealt with whatever was thrown his way.
Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
Because he was on a roll.
A gambler invites two friends, a mathematician, and an engineer, to the casino to try and score big with their help.
The mathematician suggests blackjack, as with card counting it’s the only game where the house doesn’t have an advantage. The engineer agrees for the same reason, but warns, that since this is the real world, to be wary of the casino getting wise to them. The gambler follows the advice of his intellectual friends.
As they are heading to the blackjack table they see a large crowd around a roulette table, the gambler asks a crowd member what’s going on and they explain that black has been hit 24 times in a row, the gambler quickly scrambles to the front and makes a huge bet on red, telling his friends that red is “due”. The mathematician explains the roulette table doesn’t have memory and that past results don’t affect future ones, not only that, 24 of the same color in a row is only a 1 in 30 million chance which seems unlikely but when one thinks about how many games of roulette around the world are played on a regular basis it’s very likely to occur somewhere.
Sure enough, the result is black again and the gambler breaks down into tears, as he was already broke to begin with. His friend the engineer pats him on the shoulder and passes him enough chips to double what he just lost and explains he just won way more from a big bet on black.
The mathematician asks why on earth would he bet on roulette when the house has a large advantage. The engineer asks the mathematician, “What’s more likely: we’re witnessing a 1 in 30 million chance event, or that someone has messed with the table?”
A man walks into the casino and asks a security guard which machine people get the most money from.
The guard points to the ATM machine.
Why don’t casinos in Las Vegas hire girls from California?
Because they, like, can’t even deal.
Why is it so easy to buy drugs at a casino?
Because the casinos are full of dealers.
What’s the difference between a casino and a strip club?
You actually have a chance of getting screwed at the casino.
Who’s second in command at a casino restaurant?
The Sioux chef.
A busload of Senior citizens were traveling to a casino. Halfway into the trip, a little old lady walked up to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus.
The driver told her he would check it out at the Casino. So she went back to her seat and sat down. Five minutes later a second little old lady walked to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus. Since this was the second complaint in five minutes, he thought he had better check it out. He pulled the bus to the side of the road and walked to the back of the bus.
There he found a little baldheaded old man crawling around on his hands and knees. The driver asked, “What the hell are you doing down there?”
The baldheaded man looked up and said, “I lost my toupee and I’m trying to find it. I thought I had it twice, but mine is parted on the side.”
What do you call an iguana that runs a casino?
The lizard of odds.
Have you ever been to the Dad Joke Casino?
They attract a lot of Eye Rollers.
Two mates are at the sportsbooks when one of them loses ฿500 on a single game, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.
His mate walks over to the dead man’s house and tells his wife, “Your husband just lost ฿500 sports betting.” She hollers, “TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!” to which the friend replies, “Okay I’ll tell him.”
Why was John Milton banned from the casino?
Every time he came in, there was a pair of dice lost.
What do Tupac and the movie Casino have in common?
Both were shot in Vegas.
Did you hear about the strobe light-filled new casino for people with epilepsy?
It’s called ‘Seizures palace.’
A man goes into a casino and sees a sign that reads:
“If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.”
He thinks about it for a moment and then dials the number. When they answered he said, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?”
Casino Manager: Larry, I told you to hire professionals to tally up our daily earnings. Instead, you brought in a bunch of floozies off the street.
Larry: But, sir, isn’t it the thot that counts?
What did Wilford Brimley say to his friends after they all lost in craps at the casino?
Why don’t tourists like the casino at Disneyland?
Because the mouse always wins.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“What’s new with you?” the bartender asks.
“Well, I just opened a new casino for dogs. They can play poker, black jack, roulette… almost all the games,” the guy says. “They have to go outside for craps, though.”
What do illegal casinos and sex have in common?
Liqueur at the front. Poker in the back.
What sound did the slot machine make when the Chinese person won the jackpot?
Two blonde friends, Jenny and Jane, went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
The blondes agreed that when their allotted gambling money was gone, she would go sit on the beach and wait for the other to finish gambling.
Jane quickly lost all of her money and went to sit on the beach.
The blonde patiently waited and waited and waited and waited on the beach.
After what seemed an eternity, she saw her blonde friend Jenny coming toward her carrying a huge sack of coins!
“Hey, Jane,” said Jenny, “how’d you do?”
“Well, Jenny”, said Jane, “you see me here on the beach, what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though.”
“Oh yeah,” said Jenny, “I did find a good slot machine. It’s way in the back. I’ll show it to you, you can’t lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!”
What do you call a disabled man when he’s smoking pot at a casino?
A high roller.
Do you have a funny casino joke? Write down your own casino puns in the comment section below!