Lobsters are those tough-looking sea creatures with claws so big they could win an arm-wrestling contest, yet they spend most of their time crawling around the ocean floor like slow-moving gangsters. People pay top dollar to eat them, but if lobsters could talk, they’d probably charge us extra just for the butter. Their fancy reputation makes it funny to think about how ridiculous they’d be if they had human personalities.
Dirty lobster jokes take that same fancy seafood star and throw it into situations that definitely aren’t meant for a dinner menu. It’s like the lobster suddenly trades its ocean floor for a comedy stage, claws out, making everyone blush and laugh at the same time. These jokes remind us that even a creature known for being a delicacy can turn into the life of the party when the humor gets a little spicy.
Adult Lobster Jokes
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
My ex never understood my fetish to dress up as a lobster in the bedroom…
She accused me of being shellfish in bed.
What’s worse than lobsters on Mars?
Crabs on Uranus.
Some days, millionaires eat lobster for dinner.
And some days it’s the other way around.
Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?
A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.
What’s worse than a lobster on a piano?
Crabs on your organ.
Do you know why the lobster killed himself?
He had self-steam issues.
Yo mama so dirty, she has more crabs than Red Lobster.
What do you call a lobster who’s good at giving bl*wjobs?
A slobster.
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The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. “We know it’s late, sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.
“Tell me! Did you find her!?” the husband shouted.
The Mounties looked at each other. One said,
“We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.. Which do you want to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said “Give me the bad news first.”
The second Mountie said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.” “Oh my God!” exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”
The Mountie continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 12 good-size lobsters clinging to her.”
Stunned, the husband demanded, “If that’s the good news, what’s the great news???”
The Mountie answered, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”
What do Red Lobster and a Woman’s Shelter have in common?
They both serve battered clams.
Yo mama so nasty, Red Lobster kicked her out for bringing her own crabs.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
Lobster.
A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night, and he gets crabs.
So the next day, he goes back to complain.
And the woman says, “Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?”
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
Do you have a dirty Lobster joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
