Every year on February 2nd, a sleepy little rodent named the groundhog becomes the world’s most unreliable weather forecaster. According to tradition, if this furry meteorologist sees his shadow, winter sticks around; if not, spring comes early. It’s a big day for a small animal that spends most of the year eating and napping. And yet, Groundhog Jokes are more accurate than his weather predictions!
Groundhog Jokes are all about this chubby little legend and his so-called “abilities.” People love to joke about his forecasting skills, his cozy underground life, and the fact that he only works one day a year. It’s comedy gold—especially when you realize that no matter what he predicts, winter just does whatever it wants!
Best Groundhog Jokes
What animal takes up the most land?
A groundhog.
Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?
I really suck at Guac-a-mole.
What did the French groundhog see when he woke up?
His château.
Can’t believe the film Groundhog Day came out 30 years ago.
It feels like yesterday.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Brighton.
(Brighton who?)
Brighton early, that’s when the groundhog checks his shadow.
I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events: Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
What do you call a woodchuck’s laundry?
Hogwash.
Why was the groundhog afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9!
This golfer goes to confession and tells the priest, “Forgive me Father for I have sinned.”
The priest says, “Tell me your transgressions, my son.”
“Well,” the guy says, “I was on the 5th hole last week and I hate to say it but I cursed.”
“What happened, my son?” the priest asks.
“So I teed it up and I hit the ball about 40 yards past the hole…”
“And you swore then, my son?” asks the priest.
“No. Ya see, after the ball stopped rolling, a groundhog grabbed it in its mouth and started running away from the hole.”
“And is that when you swore, my son?” asks the priest.
“No. Because believe it or not, then a bald eagle swooped down out of the sky, grabbed the groundhog, flew up in the air… and by God, the ball dropped out of the groundhog’s mouth and landed two feet from the hole.”
“Wait,” says the priest, “Don’t tell me you missed that f*cking putt.”
What’s the furriest side of a groundhog?
The outside.
Recommended: Groundhog Day Jokes
Does anyone know any good Groundhog Day jokes?
Because I keep hearing the same ones over and over.
I was thinking of making a Groundhog Day style movie with Keanu Reeves as a teenager.
Working title is john constant teen.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
Ground Hog!
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Jewel.
(Jewel who?)
Jewel be happy to know there will be an early spring!
How do groundhogs move their homes?
With wheelburrows.
Which animal makes the best DJs?
Sound Hogs.
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”
“Of course I do,” he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office.
At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long-stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn’t wait for her husband to come home.
“First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!” she exclaimed.
“I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”
What do you call a woodchuck with no hands?
A won’t chuck.
What did the groundhog’s trainer tell him before the Olympics?
Gopher gold.
What do you get when you cross a groundhog with a Maple Leaf?
Six more weeks of hockey.
What is a groundhog’s favorite color?
MaHOGany.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Annette.
(Annette who?)
Annette is one way to catch a groundhog.
What do you call a male pig with no legs and delusions of being a weather forecaster?
Groundhog.
What did the groundhog say when the wolf grabbed his tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
What brand of syrup do groundhogs use on pancakes?
Hog Cabin.
Living beside a groundhog means you get one prediction every morning.
Yesterday I learned that my tomatoes will be ripe in 6 weeks.
Today I learned that my dementia is onset and early.
What do you call an animal that hoards all the dirt?
A groundhog.
Why should you never share a bed with a woodchuck?
They always hog the covers.
What do you call a pig who can’t fly?
Groundhog.
What would you call a pig that obeys the laws of gravity?
A groundhog.
Where do ill groundhogs go?
The hogspital.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Sia.
(Sia who?)
Sia in the spring!
I know why Groundhog Day is so important.
It’s literally an emerge and see.
Why is Pinocchio afraid of Woodchucks?
Because he has a woodpecker.
What do you call a groundhog who drives recklessly?
A road hog.
When does a groundhog come before a woodchuck?
In the dictionary.
In the winter a man says to his wife, “Should we bring the pet groundhog inside, it is freezing out there.”
“But it stinks”, says the wife.
To which the husband replies, “He will get used to it!”
What is a groundhog’s favorite drink?
Hole milk.
Why did the groundhog donate so much to charity?
He was Phil-anthropic.
What do you call a Harley Davidson with no tires?
A groundhog.
How do groundhogs approach wellness?
Hole-istically.
What do you call a royal groundhog?
A crowned hog.
Do you have a funny Groundhog Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
