Jokes have been around forever, serving as a way to brighten up our days with laughter. Whether it’s a well-crafted punchline or a silly play on words, jokes are a tool we all use to connect with others. But sometimes, even the best of us get a little lazy and end up telling Lame Jokes. These are the ones that make you cringe and wonder how they even made it past the brainstorming stage. They might be cheesy, predictable, or just plain awkward, but they still manage to get a chuckle or an eye-roll.
Lame Jokes might not win any awards for creativity, but that’s what makes them so entertaining. They don’t need to be clever to be funny; they just need to be delivered with confidence and maybe a little bit of enthusiasm. The beauty of Lame Jokes lies in their simplicity, they’re so bad, they’re actually good!
Funniest Lame Jokes
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-Tickles.
What do you call a lame person who has telepathy?
Telepathetic
A length of rope walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at him and says, “Get out, we don’t serve ropes in here!” The rope goes outside, cuts himself in half, and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends.
He walks back into the bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, aren’t you that rope I just kicked out?”
And the rope replies, “No, I’m a frayed knot.”
How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?
His hand slipped.
I got an invite to a wedding that said “black tie only”.
But when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.
A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”
Everyone chuckles, and the vendor makes the dog. The Buddhist hands him a twenty, the vendor pockets it & moves on to the next customer. The Buddhist complains, “Hey where’s my change.”
And the Vendor replies, “Ah, change comes from within.”
Never trust an atom.
They make up everything.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Europe.
(Europe who?)
No you’re a poo!
What do you call a Labrador that becomes a magician?
A Labracadabrador!
Olympic gymnast walks into a bar, she doesn’t get a medal.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
“No thanks, I’m traveling light.”
A helium molecule walks in afterwards. The bellhop asks if he needs any help.
Helium doesn’t react.
Which side of the zebra has the most stripes?
The outside.
How do you organize a party in space?
You planet.
What does an annoying pepper do?
It get’s jalapeño face.
I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says “Give me a beer.” The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner.
“Hey boss” he says, “there’s a horse in the bar asking for a beer.”
The bar owner pauses for a second, then replies “Well then give him one, but charge him double. Horses don’t know the price of beer.” So the bartender heads back out front and hands the horse a beer.
“You know,” says the barkeep, “we don’t get many horses around here.”
To which the horse replies, “At these prices I’m not surprised.”
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A neutron walks into the hotel bar and asks “how much for a beer?”
The bartender says, “For you? No charge.”
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
You park your car, man.
What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
Why did Timmy hate eating clocks?
It was really time consuming.
Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, “It could have been worse.” To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.
On the golf course one day, one of them said, “Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!”
“That’s awful,” said Frank, “But it could have been worse.” “How in the hell,” asked his bewildered friend, “Could it have been worse?” “Well,” replied Frank, “If it happened the night before, Id be dead now!”
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
Where did the king hide his armies?
Up his sleevies.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Two protons walk into the bar and run into each other. One of them falls down.
“You OK?” asks the other.
“I think so,” says the proton.
“You sure?” the other asks.
“Yeah,” says the proton. “I’m positive.”
What did the buffalo said to his son when he dropped him off at school?
“Bi-son.”
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three, a right ear, a left ear and space, the final front ear.
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What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
So a skeleton walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender, “Give me a beer and a mop.”
A scientist wants to reduce my body temperature to minus 273 degrees Celsius.
My wife says it will kill me but I think I’ll be 0 K.
A grasshopper works into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey! We have a drink named after you!”
Confused, the grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named Steve?”
Three logicians walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, “Would all of you like a drink?”
The first logician replies, “I don’t know.”
The second logician replies, “I don’t know.”
The last logician replies, “Yes.”
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
NACHO CHEESE!
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels!
Why are North Korean weekends so lame?
Because theres only one party.
Two blondes fell into a black hole.
One of them said, “It’s awfully dark in here, Isn’t it?”
The other blonde cried, “I don’t know, I can’t see!”
Why do kittens lick themselves?
Because they’re delicious.
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
A woman marries a man and has 10 children.
The man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children. The next man dies so the woman remarries again and has ten more children. That man dies so the woman remarries and has 10 more children.
The husband dies again and finally the woman dies as well. At the funeral, the priest mutters, “Good god! They’re finally together!’ A man at the funeral asks another man on his left, “Which husband do you think he means? The first, second, or third?”
The man on his left says, “I think he means her legs!”
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Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke?
Joke joke jooooke.
Three tomatoes are walking down the street. A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato.
The baby tomato starts falling behind so the papa tomato squishes him and says, “Ketchup.”
Why did the car go to the pet store?
To get a carpet.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
Really, their making headlines everywhere!
Why was the ant so confused?
Because all of his Uncles were ants.
I invented a time machine next week.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
Stegasnoraus.
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer!
A guy sees a three-legged pig at a new friend’s farm and asks why the pig has three legs. His friend replies, “Let me tell you about that pig—he’s a hero. Last year, my house caught on fire, and that pig knocked down my door and dragged my unconscious body outside to safety.”
The guy asks, “Oh, that’s how he lost the leg, in the fire?”
His friend says, “Oh, no! When you have a good pig like that, you don’t want to eat him all at once.”
What type of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
Are you made of copper and Tellurium?
Cause you’re CuTe!
Two guys walk into a bar.
The third guy ducks.
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Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.
Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. “I’m sorry Mickey, but I can’t legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane…”
Mickey replied, “I didn’t say she was mentally insane, I said that she’s fuggin goofy!”
An older man and a young boy are walking through the woods at night. The little boy says, “I’m scared.”
The man says, “You’re scared? I gotta walk back by myself!”
Girls on dating apps get bombarded with too many lame and boring messages.
For them, finding the good ones is like finding a needle in a hey-stack.
What is brown and sticky?
A Stick!
What’s the fastest type of garden?
Flash Garden!
What goes down but doesn’t come up?
A yo.
Limbo champion walks into a bar.
He’s disqualified.
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t you START ANYTHING!!!”
What did the pirate get on his report card?
Seven Cs.
A bird was sleeping cozily in his nest at the top of a pine tree when suddenly he heard a lot of noise, and the whole tree started to shake. He looked down and saw a very fat and clumsy elephant climbing the tree.
The bird yelled, “Hey! What are you doing?! Why are you making so much racket?”
The elephant replied, “I just want to climb up there and eat some pears!”
The bird said, “There are no pears here, you stupid elephant! This is a pine tree!”
The elephant responded, “I know! I brought my own pears!”
Two fish are in a tank.
One turns to the other and asks, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
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How do you make an egg roll?
You push it.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.
Why did the golfer bring another pair of trousers to the course?
In case he got a hole in one.
Why are a duck’s feet webbed?
To stamp out forest fires.
Why are an elephant’s feet flat?
To stamp out burning ducks.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
Where do cows go to dance?
A meat ball.
How close was Anakin to the lava?
About two feet away.
Which sport is more lame: frisbee, or curling?
Discus.
A magician was driving down the road.
And then he turned into a driveway.
What did the number 0 say to the number 8?
“Nice Belt!”
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What is big, grey, and not very important?
An irrelephant.
Two muffins are in an oven.
One turns and says, “It’s getting hot in here…”
The other responds, “Holy crap! A talking muffin!”
Why was the lizard mad at her husband?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending!
What do you call a guy with no shins?
Tony.
What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG!
A woman is fed up with receiving lame birthday presents from her husband.
So, two weeks before her birthday, she tells her husband “You always get me the worst presents when my birthday rolls around. Well, this year had better be different. When I wake up in two weeks, there had better be something in the driveway that will go from O to 200 in less than 60 seconds!”
A week and 6 days pass, and the woman goes to bed, trembling with excitement as she imagines what the her husband has gotten her. The next morning, she wakes up early, and notices her husband is already missing from the bed. So, she rushes downstairs.
Her husband is already at the door, holding it open for her, a wide smile upon his face. She squeals with excitement, runs out the door, straight to the driveway.
Where she finds a bathroom scale, complete with a bow on top.
Their divorce was finalized 3 months later.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Why don’t clams donate to charity?
They’re shellfish.
Where do you send criminal rainbows?
Prism.
But it’s a light sentence.
So they have time to reflect.
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Did you hear the joke about the 3 legged horse?
It was lame.
Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
Because his daddy was a mummy.
Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
Because he was pissed off.
What do you call a frog on a secret mission?
Infrognito.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
You take him for a drag.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What’s red and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket.
What’s green and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket in disguise.
A duck walks into a drugstore and gets some chapstick.
When the woman at the counter asked if he wanted to pay cash or debit, he replied, “Just put it on my bill.”
What do you call a bird that doesn’t eat?
A polynomial.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lack toes.
A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat.
Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says, “Hey, you’re a handsome fellow.” The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says, “Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You’re a smart man.”
Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender “Hey what the hell, this bowl of pretzels keeps saying nice things to me!”
Bartender says “Don’t worry about it, the pretzels are complimentary.”
Do you know why when geese are flying in a V formation one of the sides of the V is always longer?
Because there are more geese on that side.
What’s a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.
What superhero is always telling lame jokes?
Dadpool.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1forrest1.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It died.
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I got really into pretending I was a flamingo for a while. I was great at it.
Eventually, my wife told me to knock it off, so I had to put my foot down.
Man who run in front of car get tire’d.
Man who run in back of car get exhaust’ed.
One hot summer day on Sesame Street, Bert and Ernie are sitting on the stoop of their apartment building.
Bert turns to Ernie and says, “Hey Ernie, want to get some ice cream?”
Ernie looks at Bert and says, “Sure Bert.”
Want to hear a construction joke?
Sorry, I’m still working on it.
Did you hear about the carrot that died?
There was a big turnip at the funeral.
My ex-wife still misses me…
But her aim is getting better.
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know and I don’t really care.
Why can’t a bike stand up on its own?
Because it is two tired.
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There are two goldfish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says, “You man the guns and I’ll drive.”
An old lady in front of me at the ATM asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
Do you have a Lame Joke? Write down your silly ones in the comment section below!
