Peanuts are tiny powerhouses that somehow sneak into everything, from your buttered toast to your movie snacks. They sit there, looking harmless, yet holding the secret of endless crunch and flavor. No wonder people can’t stop laughing when the topic of Peanut Jokes comes up, because peanuts already have a reputation for being both small and mighty in the funniest way.
When the jokes start rolling, peanuts turn into little comedians of the snack world. They seem to walk straight from the snack bowl to the stage, ready to make everyone giggle. Peanut Jokes bring out that playful side of peanuts, showing how even the smallest nut can stir up the biggest laughter.

Best Peanut Jokes

What do you call rich peanut butter?
Jif Bezos.

Jake has a Spotify playlist that includes songs from The Peanuts Movie, Eminem, and The Cranberries.
He likes to call it his trail mix.

A raisin, a peanut, and an oat sit down and order a drink.
Bartender says, “What do you think this is? A granola bar?”

David sat at the bar carefully arranging peanuts into piles of 1, 3, 5, and 7.
The bartender glanced over and asked if he was trying to set up some odd joke. Without missing a beat, David replied, “No, but I would have done that in my prime.”

Snoopy’s official resignation letter was leaked out into the public. It simply stated:
“I’m tired of working for Peanuts.”

Always carry some peanuts in case you encounter a squirrel.
That way you have a snack while you’re hiding.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Cash.
(Cash who?)
I prefer peanuts.

What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit?
An astronut.

What do you call peanuts with guns?
Packing Peanuts.

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. After his first sip, he hears a high-pitched voice.
“Hey mister! Nice pants!” it says.
He looks around, doesn’t see anything, and quickly shrugs it off. After a little bit, he takes another sip and hears the voice again.
“Hey mister! Sweet shoes!”
Again, he looks around, sees nothing but a bartender who is busy attending to other customers. Shaking his head, he sips once more.
“Hey mister! Cool shirt!”
He puts down his drink, frustrated at this phantom voice, and signals to the bartender, who comes over.
“Hey barkeep,” he begins, “what is that high-pitched voice I keep hearing?”
“Oh, those are the peanuts,” he replies. “They’re complimentary.”

What did the peanut say to the moon?
Nothing.. Peanuts don’t speak..

Why did Peanut butter not open the door for the Jelly?…
Because it was already ajar.

Recommended: Peanut Butter Jokes

When do peanuts laugh?
When you crack them up.

What do you call a woman with a severe peanut allergy?
Ana Phylaxis.

An old grandma brings the bus driver peanuts every single day.
First, the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts, but after a week of eating them, he asked, “Please, granny, don’t bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.”.
The granny answers: “You know, I don’t have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them.”

What’s the difference between peanuts and deernuts?
Peanuts cost $2.50, but deernuts are under a buck.

Did you hear about the judge for peanut beauty pageants?
His job is pretty nuts.

What did the peanut say when his cousin was being bullied?
“Pecan someone your own size!”

There’s a new machine at my gym.
I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick…
It’s got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts… Everything!

Charles Schulz died as one of the richest Americans of the 20th century.
despite the fact he got his start making Peanuts.

Where do peanuts go if they want to join the Marines?
Camp Legume.

Did you hear about the peanut that wanted to be a teacher?
It wanted to go into macadamia.

Peanuts are great and all, but do you know what George Washington Carver SHOULD have been famous for?
Mount Rushmore.

Four kids were arrested for feeding the elephants in a zoo when there was a rule stating they couldn’t do so.
At the court, the judge asked the four kids to state their name and what they had done.
Kid 1, “My name is John, and I threw peanuts into the elephant den.”
Kid 2, “My name is David, and I threw peanuts into the elephant den.”
Kid 3, “My name is Arthur, and I threw peanuts into the elephant den.”
Kid 4, “My name is Peanuts.”

What do peanuts wear on their feet?
Cashews.

Two Peanuts were walking down a dark alley.
One was a salted.

Why did the peanut go out with the raisin?
Because it couldn’t find a date.

What is another name for a kidney-stone?
A pee-nut!

How do you trap an elephant?
Start by digging a big hole in the ground then fill it with ashes. Take some peanuts and place them around the edge of the hole. When the elephant comes to eat the peanuts, kick him in the ash-hole.

The boss asked the employee, “Why do you come out in a rash every time I give you your wages?”
He said, “Because I’m allergic to peanuts.”

Where did the peanuts go to have a few drinks?
The Snack Bar!

Why was the peanut so salty?
Because it got R O A S T E D.

After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily, she asked, “If you had 4 peanuts and I asked for one, how many would you have left?” Quickly, he replied, “If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 peanuts.”

I was given a bag of peanuts which was blessed by the Pope…
I gave them away. I hate religious nuts.

Recommended: Adult Peanut Jokes

ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.

The inventor of autocorrect just died.
May he restaurant in peanut.

Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks?
The Shell station!

Why are squirrels not circus animals?
They don’t like to work for peanuts.

Do you have a funny Peanut Joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!