50 Funny Penny Jokes And Puns That Totally Make Cents

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Jessica Amlee

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Change is inevitable, especially when it comes to humor, and that’s why our selection of penny jokes is an absolute treasure trove. Whether you’re a numismatist, a coin collector, or someone who simply appreciates a good pun, our funny penny jokes are bound to add a spark of laughter to your day.

From puns that make ‘cents’ to jokes that will make you feel ‘rich’ with laughter, our collection is a true testament to the adage that humor, much like change, is something we could all use. So, prepare to roll in the aisles as you discover these fun and witty penny jokes that are sure to keep you entertained.

Best Penny Jokes

Have you ever tried looking at a penny under a microscope?

Did you hear about the man who threw a penny down the well and made a wish?
That the police would never find Penny’s body.

Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies?
The same reason 10 pennies are worth more than 9.

Yo mama so dumb, someone gave her a penny for her thoughts and got refunded.

What do you call a kennel made of pennies, dimes, and quarters?
A Nickel-less Cage.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Penny who?)
Penny’s from heaven.

Why does Little Johnny always leave a penny on the toilet lid after he takes a dump?
Just so that a cent is covering the odor.

Did you hear about the woman who tried to bribe the police with pennies?
She was taken in by the coppers.

Do you know that the plural of penny is pence?
But we just say pennies because it makes more cents.

What do you call a penny that thinks for itself?
A centient.

How does a penny say farewell?
“I’ll Cu later!”

Yo mama so stupid, when they told her she had no common sense, she said “you’re wrong”, and slammed 2 pennies onto the table.

Why did the penny paint a D on itself?
It was just trying to be to be D-cent.

A cheap man dropped a penny from the fifth floor.
When he came down to pick it up he couldn’t find it and was about to go crazy.
5 seconds later the penny reached the ground.

Did you hear about the man who only collected rare pennies?
He didn’t have a lot of common cents.

How many pennies in a roll of pennies have a Lincoln face?
It’s actually one per cent.

Yo mama so poor, she made change from a penny.

How do you turn a penny into a dollar?
Cut it into four quarters.

A guy said to God, “God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?”
God said, “Yes.”
The guy said, “God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?”
God said, “Yes.”
The guy said, “God, can I have a penny?”
God said, “Sure, just a second.”

Why do vampires only play the penny and nickel slot machines?
Small stakes.

Did you know the original Santa had only quarters, dimes, and pennies?
He was Nicholas.

Yo mama so dumb, when I asked her why it jingles when she walks, she said that it’s because she invests in ‘penny socks.’

Why fake people are like pennies?
Two-faced and not worth a dime.

A lady and her little boy are eating in a restaurant. In an oversight, the kid swallows a coin and starts choking.
The mother tried hitting his back, slapping on the neck, and shaking him hard without any success to make him spit the coin.
A man gets up from a nearby table, lowers the boy’s pants, and squeezes his testicles. Voila! The boy spits out the coin.
The mother thanked the gentleman and asked, “Sir, are you a doctor?”
“No, ma’am, I work for IRS. We are trained to squeeze the balls of everyone to make them cough up the last penny.”

How many pennies does it take to make a dollar?
A dollars worth.

Yo mama so fat, she sat on a penny and turned it into a custom coin.

Why does no one use pennies anymore?
Cause they don’t make very much cents.

What would you call a graduated penny?

A Scotsman accidentally dropped a penny into an open sewage pit.
The pit was full of excrement, and after a few moments of thinking the Scotsman concluded, “It’s not worth it. I will never dive in for a penny!”
Then he checked his pockets for some change, picked two pounds, and throw it into the pit, “Now it’s better,” he said and jumped into the sewage.

Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
They’re shellfish penny pinchers.

Do you know why a divorce is so expensive?
Because it’s worth every penny.

Why did the Penny go to the Nickel for dating advice?
The penny saw the nickel take two dimes to his quarters.

A class is learning about probability.
Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head?
Girl: For a penny? Not very bright.

Why didn’t the man use the penny machines at the arcade?
He was afraid of change.

How do you measure the size of a picture made out of pennies?
In cent-ipixels.

Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in?
Somebody’s making a penny.

A girl goes on a date with a Jewish guy.
They sit on a hill at night, looking at the stars. The guy seems very shy, and so they sit in silence.
Wanting to break the awkward silence, the girl says. “A penny for your thoughts”, the guy smiles and replies “Well… will you hug me?”, she gets closer and he puts his arm around her.
A few minutes pass and once again, they sit in silence. The tries again: “A penny for your thoughts” the guy blushes and says. “Well… will you kiss me?”, the girl giggles and they kiss.
A good half-hour passes and once again, they sit in silence. The girl desperately wants the date to end well, so she says. “A penny for your thoughts”. The guy turns red and says. “Well… this time my thoughts are way more serious…”. Excited, the girl says, “Tell me!”
The guy opens his hand and says, “Isn’t it about time you give me those two pennies from earlier?”

If every coin has a job, what would be the penny’s job?
An Accountant, because every penny counts.

How do you make a hormone?
Throw pennies at her.

Attorney: My client is trapped in a penny
Judge: What?
Attorney: He’s in a cent.

Why is the clown careful about his coins?
Because he is Penny-wise.

Why are 1968 pennies worth almost $20?
Because that’s only 32 short.

A kid caught his father chewing pennies and spitting them out.
The son said, “Dad, what the hell are you doing?”
He replied, “I’m making us rich son.”
“How?” the kid asked
“Simple”, he said, “I’m making bit coins.”

Recommended: Crypto Memes

How do you punish Helen Keller?
Put her in a circular room and tell her there’s a penny in the corner.

How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews fighting over a penny.

John never believed in fortunetellers until recently.
She said that he’d come into money. Turns out the prostitute’s name was Penny.

Before you leave, don’t forget to coin your own penny jokes! There’s nothing more rewarding than crafting humor that leaves others in stitches. Share your wit and creativity in the comments below – who knows, your joke might just become the next crowd favorite!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

1 thought on “50 Funny Penny Jokes And Puns That Totally Make Cents”

  1. A fortune teller told a guy that he’d come into big money one day. Now, he’s married to his over-weight wife named, Penny.


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