Maori jokes offer a glimpse into the heart of New Zealand’s indigenous culture, blending humor with the Maori language, traditions, and worldview. These jests often playfully incorporate aspects of Maori mythology, social norms, and the unique melody of the Te Reo Maori language. They may involve a clever twist on a Maori proverb or a humorous anecdote about legendary figures from Maori myths.
While these jokes can be a source of hearty laughter, they also provide a bridge to understanding the rich tapestry of Maori culture. Remember, humor steeped in cultural context requires a delicate balance – it’s essential to appreciate and share these jokes in a way that respects and honors the Maori heritage.
Best Maori Jokes
What do you call a group of Maoris on Prozac?
Once were worriers.
What did the Maori say to the Jew?
“Hebrew.”
What did Godzilla say after he ate the island of Tonga?
“I want Somoa.”
What did the Maori statue say to the other Maori statue?
“Statue bro?”
Why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?
To get to the other side.
Why did the pakeha cross the road?
To get his motorbike back.
Did you hear about the fashion designer who combined the national dress of India with the carefree styling of Polynesia?
He’s calling it his ‘Sari, Sarong number.’
If you are a Maori when you enter and exit the toilet, what are you when you are in the toilet?
European (You’re peeing).
What did the ocean say to the shore?
Nada, he just waved.
How many Juju Lips does a flower have?
Tulips!
What did the Maori cat say when he looked in the mirror?
“You look like me ow!”
What do you call a Maori with one leg shorter than the other?
Not even bro!
What do you call a plastic Maori?
Prince Tui Tupperware!
A Maori Doctor can’t find a job in a Hospital, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside: GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100. A guy walking past sees the sign and thinks this is an excellent opportunity to earn $100, so he goes into the clinic.
Guy: I have lost my sense of taste.
Doctor: Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.
Guy: Ugh. This is kerosene.
Doctor: Chur, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.
The annoyed guy goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Guy: I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.
Doctor: Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.
Guy (annoyed): This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.
Doctor: Chuuur. You got your memory back. Give me $20.
The fuming guy pays him and then comes back a week later determined to get about $100.
Guy: My eyesight has become very weak I can’t see at all.
Doctor: Oh well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.
Guy (staring at the note): But this is $20, not $100!
Doctor: Chuuuur, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20.
Why Pacific Islanders are some of the greediest people you would’ve met?
Every time you give them something, they always end up wanting Samoa.
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Where is the biggest Marae in New Zealand?
Mount Eden Prison.
Why do you never laugh at a Maori on a bike?
Because it might be yours.
If there are three Maoris in the car then who is driving?
The Police.
An Aussie and a Maori walk into a bakery.
The Aussie steals three pastries and slips them into his pocket. He turns to the Maori and says, “Pretty slick aye, bro? The owner didn’t even see me.”
Unimpressed, the Maori replies, “Typical dishonest Aussie, bro. I’m gonna show you the honest way and still get the same result.”
The Maori calls out to the owner of the shop and says, “Bro, I want to show you a magic trick.” Intrigued, the owner comes over. The Maori asks him for a pastry, which the owner gives him, and the Maori eats it. He asks for another and eats that, too. He asks for a third and eats it as well.
The owner says, “C’mon, mate. Where’s the magic trick?”
The Maori points to the Aussie and says, “Check his pockets.”
Why did the Pacific Islanders go back to Mcdonalds’?
To get Samoa chips.
Why did the chocolate factory make white chocolate?
So Maoris can get their face dirty too.
How do you get a Maori in a bath?
Chuck a box of KFC in it.
An English teacher was teaching in a class in New Zealand and suddenly points to the student by putting up a question.
Maori student: Me miss!?
English Teacher: You! Yes, you? How many seconds are there in one minute?
The Whole class puts their hands up saying, “Miss! Miss! I know!”
Maori student: Rrrrrrrr ummmmmmm rrr 60 Miss! 60 seconds in one minute Miss?
English Teacher: Well done. Now how many seconds are there in one hour?
The Whole class raises hands again.
Maori student: Errrrrr… ummmmm …. six!! Carry the …errrrrrr … put the zero……. errrrrr….. ummmmmmm!!!…..how many seconds!!?…
English Teacher: Well!?
Maori student: Nearly had it Miss!? Ummmmmmm …..hmmmmm.. errrrrrrr ….. Got it Miss!!!! 3600 seconds Miss! 3600 seconds in one hour?
English Teacher: Very good, well done. Now I will give you a minute or two to answer this last question just do your best ok!?
Maori student: Very good Miss!
English Teacher: Ok! How many seconds are there in one year? Just answer as best you can?
No hands go up this time except the Maori fallas.
Maori student: Miss! Miss! That’s simple I know the answer to that one!
English Teacher: (astounded) Is that correct!? What is the answer then?
Maori student: (big smile) It’s 12! The answer is 12 Miss! 12 seconds in one year?
English Teacher: (shocked) 12 seconds in one year! How on earth did you arrive at that answer!?
Maori student: Easy Miss! 2nd of January ..2nd of February ….2nd of March…..!
How do you get a Maori out of a bath?
You chuck some soap in ….!
Where do Maoris get their shoes from?
The neighbor’s door step.
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You owned a 3-storey house and rented the top floor to the Maori, the middle floor to the Pakeha, and used the basement as a Rumpus room. One day, there was a massive earthquake and your house collapsed. Who survived?
The Pakeha’s, because they were All at work.
How do you put 100 Maoris in a mini?
Put fish and chips in there.
How do you get them out?
Tell them that they have to pay for it.
What’s the fastest thing in the world?
A Maori with a KFC voucher.
What’s the second fastest thing in the world?
The Maori running away from the guy he stole the voucher from.
What do you call a Maori who runs around a tree?
A merry-go-round.
There was once a great Polynesian king
He lived in a magnificent palace made of woven grass and sat on a beautiful throne.
One day another kingdom gave him a gift: a new throne, even more, exquisite than the one he already had. The king wanted to replace his old throne right away, but he didn’t want to just throw it away; he had so many good memories tied to it!
Instead, he had it moved to the attic, and then he proceeded to sit on his new throne. Unfortunately, since the palace was made of woven grass, it couldn’t support the weight of the old throne. Thus the old throne came crashing down, falling on top of the king and killing him instantly.
The moral of the story: Those who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones!
What do Maoris have in common with Christmas lights?
They all hang out together, half of them aint too bright and the other 3 don’t even work.
Why did the Maori farmer bring a ladder to the orchard?
Because he wanted to “pick a runga.”
Do you have a better Maori joke? Write down your own Maori jokes and puns in the comment section below!
I dated a feminist from New Zealand who hated puns about inorganic substances.
She believed that mineral the same.
so there are two blind animals that walk into the forest from different sides and then they bump into each other one is a bunny and ones a frog. The bunny goes dude watch out and then the frog goes aa g you watch out the bunny goes wait what are you the frog goes oooh g I don’t know the the frog goes what are you to the bunny the bunny says I don’t know I’m blind to so the frog goes let me feel and see what you are so the frog goes you have long fluffy ears , small fluffy tail , small nose and big feet the frog goes you must be a bunny the bunny says yes in a bunny so the bunny says my turn now you have no ears big nose ,big feet , big ears slimy body , big head wait you must be a Māori.
Why did the American trans-gender eat the salad?
Because he was a her-before (herbivore)
Why did the Aussie man eat the American trans-gender?
Because Aussies have a thing for cunts.
Why did the Maori man laugh at both of them?
Because only a Amaorican🫵
A couple of jokes I heard in 1980.
How do you know how many Maori’s in a neighbourhood? Count the number of Mark 4 Zephyrs’ and multiply by fifteen.
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What’s yellow and cream, and full of blackheads? The last bus to ponsonby.
What do you call a wet Maori?
Waiwera Raincoat