Christmas crackers are the tiny surprises that make holiday dinners extra fun. You pull them apart, hear a pop, and suddenly there’s a paper crown on your head, a tiny toy in your hand, and laughter all around. But what really steals the show is the little slip of paper inside. That’s where the real treasure is, our Christmas jokes.
These jokes are the heart of every cracker, sparking laughter that spreads around the table like twinkling lights. Grandpa might groan, kids might giggle uncontrollably, and someone always claims they’ve heard it before, but no one can resist reading them aloud. Christmas cracker jokes may be cheesy, but they’re the perfect recipe for holiday cheer.
Best Christmas Cracker Jokes
Why do mummies love Christmas more than any other holiday?
They’re all about the wrapping.
What has a jolly laugh, brings you presents and scratches up your furniture?
Santa Claws.
What falls but never gets hurt?
Snow.
Where do snowmen keep their money?
In a snow bank.
Who’s Santa’s go-to artist on his playlist?
Elf-is Presley.
Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Donut. (Donut who?)
Donut open ’til Christmas!
What does the gingerbread man use to cover his bed?
Cookie sheets.
What do elves do after school?
Their gnome work!
What’s an elf’s favorite type of music?
“Wrap” music.
What did the cow say on Christmas morning?
“Mooooey Christmas!”
What’s Santa called when he suddenly stops in his tracks?
Santa Pause.
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
“Jungle bells, jungle bells!”
Why does Santa grow three gardens?
So he can hoe-hoe-hoe.
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary!
How much did Santa spend on his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house!
What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle smells!
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What does Santa do when the reindeer speed up too much?
Hold on for “deer” life.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water!
Which reindeer in Santa’s crew is a choreographer?
Dancer.
Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the band?
Because he had the drum sticks!
What’s red, white, and green all over?
Santa Claus when he’s travel sick!
Why doesn’t Santa indulge in junk food?
It’s bad for his elf.
Why is Santa so good at karate?
Because he has a black belt!
What do you call Santa’s furry best friend?
Santa Paws.
What’s the term for a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
Why are there only snowmen and not snow women?
Because only men would stand out in the snow without a coat.
Why doesn’t Santa visit the hospital?
He’s got private “elf care”.
What did Santa say when Mrs. Claus scolded him for forgetting groceries?
“But I checked the shopping list twice!”
What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
Nothing, reindeer can’t talk.
Which reindeer do you bet on for a race?
Dasher.
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What’s Santa’s choice of motorcycle?
A Holly Davidson.
What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?
A sad candy cane!
Why does Santa stick to the North Pole?
The penguins kicked him out of the South Pole!
What condition strikes Santa when he’s stuck in a chimney?
Santa Claustrophobia.
What is a snowman’s favorite lunch?
An Iceberger!
What does Mrs. Claus say when dark clouds roll in?
It looks like rain, deer!
What happens when Santa tries playing Sherlock?
Santa clues.
What’s Santa’s go-to candy?
Jolly Ranchers.
How does Santa take pictures?
With his North Pole-aroid.
What do you call Santa when he’s broke?
Saint Nickel-less.
What do you get when you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker.
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling crummy!
What’s a fancier name for Santa’s Little Helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
What did Mary Poppins want from Santa?
Supercalifragilisticexpialia-snowshoes!
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Why did the Christmas tree visit the barber?
It needed a quick trim.
What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?
Santa’s burps!
Why are Christmas trees hopeless at sewing?
They keep dropping their needles.
What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?
A jolly roll!
How do you know a Christmas tree is a girl?
It’s rocking a tree skirt.
What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards!
What do you get if you cross a pig with Christmas tree lights?
A piglet.
What did one Christmas tree tell the other?
“Lighten up!”
What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!
How did the ornament become obsessed with Christmas?
It was hooked on trees forever.
What happens when you cross an iPhone with a Christmas tree?
You get a pine-apple.
What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap ties from the rich and gives them to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite treat?
Orna-mints.
Why do snowmen love hide and seek?
Because they can camouflage!
Why wouldn’t the Christmas tree stay upright?
It didn’t have any legs.
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How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed!
What did one snowman say to the other?
“You’re looking cool!”
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper.
What kind of ball refuses to bounce?
“A snowball!”
What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar?
He got 12 months.
What vehicle do elves move around in during the off-season?
A minivan.
What do snowmen pop when the sun turns up the heat?
A chill pill.
What’s an elf’s go-to sport?
North-pole vaulting.
What’s Santa’s favorite sandwich?
Peanut Butter & Jolly.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert?
“O camel ye faithful!”
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What holiday do cows celebrate the most?
Moo-years Day.
What was the elf allergic to?
Sh-ELF-ish.
Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve?
He left his sleigh in a snow zone.
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
You don’t feed it.
Where does Santa put his suit after Christmas?
In his Claus-et.
What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas pie?
Your teeth.
What was the librarian’s favorite Christmas song?
Silent Night.
Who gives presents to baby sharks?
Santa JAWS.
What happens when you cross a Dracula with a snowman?
Frostbite.
What Christmas song does fruit like the most?
We Wish You a Berry Christmas.
Do you have a funny Christmas cracker joke? Write down the best ones in the comment section below!
