90 Funny Christmas Dad Jokes for Ho-Ho-Hilarious Xmas

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Jessica Amlee

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Holidays are a time for family, food, and, of course, groan-inducing puns. Dads, bless their hearts, seem to have an endless supply of cringe-worthy jokes, and Christmas is no different. When families gather to celebrate, dad jokes are a lighthearted way to share laughter and bond.  These jokes, often delivered by dads but certainly not limited to them, have a charming, if not slightly corny, character that adds to the festive cheer.

However, don’t underestimate the influence of Christmas Dad Jokes in 2023. While they may evoke moans and eye rolls at first, they frequently end up being the most memorable events of the holiday season. They break the ice, bring people together, and create shared moments that will be remembered for years. So, the next time your father cracks a Christmas Dad Joke, don’t roll your eyes. Take a deep breath, brace yourself for the impending hilarity, and revel in the ecstasy that only a genuinely horrible pun can provide.

Best Christmas Dad Jokes

What do you call a Christmas wreath made out of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins.

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?
Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.

What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?

How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents.

Why didn’t Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents?
Because he was on the Nautilus.

What’s an atheist’s favorite Christmas movie?
Coincidence on 34th Street.

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas
She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace!”
So I bought her NOTHING!

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
“It’s Christmas, Eve.”

What did 50 Cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas?
“Gee, you knit?”

I can’t believe there are 364 days left until Christmas,
And people have already got their decorations up.

What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has noel.

If anybody received a book from me at Christmas…
They’ll be due back at the library in the next few days.

Why is Christmas like your job?
You do all the work and a fat man in a suit gets the credit.

Why is it so easy to track Santa on Christmas Eve?
Because he always accepts cookies.

Recommended: Best Santa Jokes

Do you know why the gates of heaven are always left open?
Cause Jesus was raised in a barn!

What do you call someone who gives out soda on Christmas?
Fanta Clause.

Why is Amazon a lot like Santa Claus?
It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around Christmas, and is very eager for our cookies.

Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles.

What do you call someone who loves Christmas but doubts the existence of God?

“Boss, can I have a week off around Christmas?”
“It’s May.”
“Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas?”

What’s the best Christmas present you could possibly get?
A broken drum.

What is similar about Christmas and the tornado season?
You have a tree in your living room.

Why were the eggs Benedict served on a shiny platter on Christmas morning?
Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

Want to know Quasimodo’s favorite Christmas song?
Jingle bells!

What do law enforcement personnel sing during Christmas?
Police navidad.

Do you know anyone who will be alone without family or friends for Christmas?
Because I need to borrow some chairs.

Recommended: Clean Jesus Christ Jokes

Why couldn’t the woman find her Christmas cake?
It was stollen.

How do you hide a new video game before Christmas?
You put the cartridge in a pear tree.

What do you hear from a toasty fireplace on Christmas Eve?

What’s a pirate’s favorite Christmas movie?
It’s A Plunderful Life!

What do you get when you cross a pig and a Christmas tree?
A porcupine.

The postman’s off to Spain tomorrow for Christmas.
I asked him if he was going to Parcelona.

Have you heard about the new Star Trek Christmas movie?
It’s The Wreath of Khan.

Tampax recently announced they will be removing the string from their tampons and replacing it with tinsel.
This will be for the Christmas period only.

Why did the one-armed man go to the mall on Christmas Eve?
To visit the secondhand shop.

How does a stoner bake his Christmas ham?
420°, glaze it.

What does Santa use to clean his suit for Christmas?

Recommended: Clean Grinch Jokes

Where do Snowmen do their Christmas Shopping?
The winternet.

Why was Frosty inspecting the carrots at the grocery store?
He was picking his nose.

Who’s never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey. He’s always stuffed!

What do you call an ornament on a Christmas tree that is all by itself?
The Decoration of Independence.

Why is a necromancer a good addition to Christmas parties?
They’re always raising people’s spirits.

What’s Karen’s favorite Christmas song?
“Away in a Manager.”

Why did a lot of Christmas lights show up at the party?
If one goes out, they all go out.

What did the Christmas tree say when dad took it to the curb?
“I’m delighted!”

What is a Hindu’s favorite Christmas song?
“We Vishnu a Merry Christmas.”

What is Mike Tyson’s favorite Christmas song?
“Sani-Cloth is coming to town!”

Recommended: Knock Knock Jokes on Christmas

What do you call a futuristic Christmas card?
A holly-gram!

What did the divorced guy get for Christmas?

How do you say “Merry Christmas” in Ireland?
“Irish you a Merry Christmas.”

What kind of sick people hate Christmas?

What do vegans say at Christmas?
“Soy to the world!”

What does a duck do at Christmas time?

Where did the shareholder keep his Christmas presents?
In his stockings.

Where does Spider-Man do his Christmas shopping?
On the web.

What do you call someone who goes crazy with Christmas decorations?

What does Batman say when you invite him for Christmas?
“Got ham?”

Recommended: Funny Gift Jokes

What is a roof’s favorite Christmas carol?
Shingle bells.

What part of the Constitution discusses Christmas?
The Santa Clause.

What’s an owl’s favorite Christmas carol?
Silent flight!

What is the worst Christmas present for men?
A nutcracker.

What do you call the irrational fear of Christmas?
Santa Claustrophobia.

Why shouldn’t you eat Middle Eastern food on Christmas?
Because yule falafel.

What did the French deconstructionist serve for dinner at Christmas?

What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert?
“O Camel Ye Faithful.”

How are Christmas Eve and Christmas Day like American politics?
Both are a two-party system.

What does flamboyant Santa ride around in on Christmas?

What’s the first thing Mrs Clause did when Santa got home on Christmas morning?
Emptied his sack.

Recommended: Dirty Xmas Jokes

Why do turkeys love Thanksgiving?
Because they don’t have to worry about buying Christmas presents.

Who claps for Christmas?

What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint Nickelless.

Everyone has heard of the rapper Post Malone but have you heard of Ho Malone?
It’s a classic 90s Christmas movie.

What US state has the most Christmas spirit?

How do you say “Merry Christmas” to your blankets?
Fleece Navidad.

Did you hear that the Hallmark Channel has a new horror movie coming out?
The guy doesn’t propose on Christmas Eve.

Why are socks a bad Christmas present for Daddy Bear?
Because he will always have bare feet.

What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree?
“It’s been nice gnawing you.”

What did the bald dad say after receiving a comb for Christmas?
“I will never part with this.”

Did you hear about the husband who bought his wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas?
It’s not her main present, just a stocking stuffer.

Recommended: Dark Xmas Jokes

What Christmas song do they sing in the psychiatric hospital?
“Do you see what I see?”

What does a Christmas tree and a monk have in common?
They both have ornamental balls.

What does Poseidon give on Christmas?

What do you call Dwayne Johnson dressed up in a Christmas outfit?
Jingle Bell Rock.

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
Because he had no body to go with.

These jokes remind us that sometimes, the best way to spread holiday cheer is to share a simple, silly joke that brings a smile to everyone’s face, proving that laughter can be one of the greatest gifts during the holiday season.
Do you have funny dad jokes about Christmas? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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