75 Funny Santa Jokes That’ll Make You Go HOO HOO HOO

Funny Santa Jokes on Christmas
Funny Santa Jokes

There are many jokes about Santa Claus because he is a well-known and beloved figure in many cultures, and humor is a way for people to connect with each other and have fun. Additionally, Santa Claus has many characteristics that lend themselves to being the subject of jokes, such as his jolly appearance, his association with giving gifts, and his supposed ability to deliver presents to children all around the world in a single night. Many people enjoy making and telling Santa jokes as a way to celebrate the holiday season and add some levity to the sometimes hectic time of year.

Best Santa Claus Jokes

Did you hear about the kid who got a coal from Santa?
The next year he decided to make him pay for it and poisoned his cookies. Somehow, the bastard found out and killed his dad.

What do you call a broke Santa?
Saint Nickel-less.

Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work.

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost?
$0, it’s on the house.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Coal who?)
Coal me when Santa’s on his way.

What did the owl say after putting the Santa hat on?

What ethnicity is Santa?
North Poleish.

Why is there no divorce court on the North Pole?
You’d expect a lot of marriages to go south sooner or later.

Remember when you were a kid and your parents used to fill your head with nonsense like Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, and Easter Bunny?
Well now that we’re older, we don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said “NO NO NO!”

What do you call a kid that’s afraid of Santa?

So an honest lawyer, a hard-working politician and Santa are walking and they find a 100€ note on the ground. Who is going to pick it up?
Santa because the first two don’t exist.

Where did Santa meet his wife?
Conjunction junction, they specialize in hooking up words, phrases, and Clauses.

Why should ladies stop asking Santa for the perfect man?
That fella has tried to kidnap me 4 times this week.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Santa who?)
Santa Christmas card to you. Did you get it?

Did you hear that Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England?
Guess you could say he sleighed it.

Why is Santa so busy?
He’s wrapped up in a lot of things.

Yo mama so poor, every time Santa gives her coal, she makes money off of it!

What do you call an elf that hates Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.

What’s a Christmas dilemma?
If you tell Santa what you want for Christmas, then you’ll definitely be on the naughty list.

Recommended: Naughty Santa Jokes

A young girl sits on Santa’s lap and requests a Barbie and a GI Joe.
“Of course, little girl, you can have that, but doesn’t Barbie usually come with Ken?”
“Oh no, Santa, Barbie fakes it with Ken, she comes with GI Joe.”

What’s Santa’s favorite heavy metal band?

Did you hear that Santa played a round of golf on Christmas day to relax and hit a birdie?
It was a partridge on a par 3.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Interrupting Santa.
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

Why is Santa Claus always a man?
Because no woman will wear the same dress year after year for the same occasion.

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and voter fraud?
One is a childish fantasy about getting what you want. The other has flying reindeer.

Yo mama so fat, Santa gave her a treadmill for Christmas.

Why does Santa go down a chimney on Christmas?
Because it soots him.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Santa who?)
Santa card to my gramma for Christmas.

Almost everyone at the North Pole becomes extremely anxious whenever Santa feels depressed
That’s when he’s most likely to elf harm.

What’s it called when someone is afraid of getting stuck in a chimney?
Santa Claustrophobia.

Kid: Santa, what’s the story of your reindeer names?
Santa: Why I name them after memories, like Prancer frolicking through the snow!
Kid: What about Donner?
A dark countenance settles on Santa’s face
Santa: The year was 1847, snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada…!

What does Santa use to clean his suit for Christmas?

Yo mama so ugly, Santa pays an elf to drop off her gifts at Christmas.

Why does Santa spend 364 days a year forming strong masculine relationships?
Bros before hos.

Recommended: Adult Christmas Jokes

Why does Santa go through the chimney?
Because Mrs. Claus wouldn’t let him go through her back door.

What does Santa say if you get too close to him with a cold?
“You’re on the snotty list!”

What weapon does Santa have?
Ballistic mistletoe.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Claus who?)
Claus I can’t wait any longer!

Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist?
Because they had low elf-esteem.

What did the ram say to Santa?
“All I want for Christmas is ewe.”

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and the Krampus?
Santa comes once a year and loves everyone, the Krampus comes once a month and hates women.

Why doesn’t Santa get something for the child who believes in nothing?
Because they’re on the nihilist.

Where do Santa’s elves make the just acceptable toys?
In the satisfactory.

What are the 4 stages of life?
You believe in Santa.
You don’t believe in Santa.
You are Santa.
You look like Santa.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked out the window?
It looks like rain, dear.

Recommended: Reindeer Jokes

Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee so much?
Because they’re Santa’s star bucks.

How do you know when Santa is around?
You can sense his presents.

Why was Santa disappointed in Rudolph’s report card?
He went down in History.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Ho Ho.
(Ho Ho who?)
Your Santa impression needs a little work!

Why can you neither confirm nor deny Santa’s existence?
Clausible deniability.

What happens when Santa’s GPS stops working?
He becomes a lost Claus.

Did you hear that there was an accident at Santa’s workshop and a bookcase collapsed?
Now there’s a shelf on an elf.

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?
Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Gift who?)
Gift me a coal already. I want to go see Santa!

Who is Santa’s favorite actor?
Danny Trejo-ho-ho.

Who is Santa Claus’s favorite actress?
Holly Berry.

What does St. Nicholas call his suits?
His Santa Clothes.
Where does he store his suits?
In his Klaus-et.

Did you hear about Santa’s elf who shoots rockets from his feet?
His name is Missile Toe.

Recommended: Elf Jokes

Why doesn’t Santa need health insurance?
He has his own private Elfcare.

What kind of music do Santa’s elves listen to at this time of year?
Wrap music.

What do you get if you cross Santa Claus and a Duck?
Lots of presents, and a large bill.

What does Santa say walking backward?
“Oh oh oh.”

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Ivana who?)
Ivana go see Santa, so gift me a coal already!

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Crisp Kringle.

What would Santa Claus be called if he didn’t wear underwear?
Saint Knicker-less.

What do Santa’s helpers learn in kindergarten?
The elf-abet.

What does Santa use to clean his hands?

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Santa Who?)
Santa who’s too tired to come down the chimney.

What is Santa’s religion?
He’s eggnogstic.

Recommended: Eggnog Puns

Why was Hipster Santa arrested for arson?
Because he was putting coal in bad kids stockings before it was cool.

Who’s Santa’s favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.

What do you call the terms and conditions of a Christmas present?
Santa clauses.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws.

How do elves measure their height?
In Santa-meters.

Many people associate Santa with the joy and magic of the holiday season, so joking about him can be a fun and lighthearted way to celebrate the season. Additionally, the image of Santa Claus – a jolly old man in a red suit with a white beard – is very recognizable and easily lends itself to humorous puns and jokes.
Have a better Santa Claus joke? Post your one-liners and puns in the comment section below!

What do you think?

Written by Jessica Amlee

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Known for her sharp wit and clever wordplay, Jessica has authored several popular joke books. A regular at stand-up comedy clubs, she never fails to leave her audience in stitches. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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