90 Funny Santa Jokes That’ll Make You Go HO HO HO

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Jessica Amlee

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Santa Claus, the jolly figure in red, is a central character in Christmas celebrations around the world. Known for his merry laugh, white beard, and love of cookies, Santa symbolizes the spirit of giving and joy. He’s believed to fly across the sky in a sleigh pulled by reindeer, delivering presents to children on Christmas Eve. This beloved character, also known as Saint Nicholas or Kris Kringle, has his roots in folklore and is a symbol of childhood wonder. The magic of Santa Claus lies in his ability to bring families together and spread happiness, making him a cherished part of the holiday season.

Santa jokes are a festive staple, bringing smiles and laughter to holiday gatherings. These jokes often revolve around Santa’s iconic traits – his round belly, his busy workshop at the North Pole, and his list of who’s naughty and nice. They’re a lighthearted way to celebrate the whimsy and fun of the Christmas season, shared among both children and adults. With a twinkle in their eye, these Santa jokes encapsulate the warmth and humor of the holidays, reminding us to embrace the lighter side of life during the most wonderful time of the year.

Best Santa Claus Jokes

Did you hear about the kid who got a coal from Santa?
The next year he decided to make him pay for it and poisoned his cookies. Somehow, the bastard found out and killed his dad.

What do you call a broke Santa?
Saint Nickel-less.

Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work.

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost?
$0, it’s on the house.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Coal who?)
Coal me when Santa’s on his way.

What did the owl say after putting the Santa hat on?

What ethnicity is Santa?
North Poleish.

Why is there no divorce court on the North Pole?
You’d expect a lot of marriages to go south sooner or later.

Remember when you were a kid and your parents used to fill your head with nonsense like Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, and Easter Bunny?
Well now that we’re older, we don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said “NO NO NO!”

What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
Santa doesn’t jelly himself down the chimney on Christmas Eve.

Which one of Santa’s reindeer do dinosaurs like the least?

Why was Santa hacked?
Because he accepts all the cookies.

What’s worse than finding out Santa isn’t real as a kid?
Finding out your parents are broke.

How is Amazon a lot like Santa Claus?
It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around Christmas and is very eager for our cookies.

Santa Claus gets captured and interrogated by the KGB.
“You are a very suspicious man. Who did you say you are?”
“I’m Father Christmas.”
“Then who is this Santa?”
“Oh that’s also me, I have many names, ho ho ho!”
“So you are a spy then? And what kind of jet is that? It is not detectable by our radars.”
“You mean the sleigh? It is actually quite magical you see…”
“Enough of this nonsense!”
“Oh my, what’s with that language? It sets a bad example to little Tanya and Ivan.”
“How do you know the names of my children? What are you even doing here?”
“Well, I give presents to all the children of the world!”
“What do you want in return?”
The Russians pause for a second.
“So you’re a communist?”
“Da, comrade.”
“Dimitri, two vodkas, one milk, and a cookie for our comrade!”

What’s Santa’s favorite pizza?
One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even.

What do you get if you cross Santa with a Cowboy?
A Jolly Rancher.

What did Santa Claus say when his reindeer asked for a raise?
“Frankly my deer, I don’t give a dime!”

What’s is the technically correct legal terminology for Santa’s Elves?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call a kid that’s afraid of Santa?

So an honest lawyer, a hard-working politician and Santa are walking and they find a 100€ note on the ground. Who is going to pick it up?
Santa because the first two don’t exist.

Where did Santa meet his wife?
Conjunction junction, they specialize in hooking up words, phrases, and Clauses.

Why should ladies stop asking Santa for the perfect man?
That fella has tried to kidnap me 4 times this week.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Santa who?)
Santa Christmas card to you. Did you get it?

Did you hear that Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England?
Guess you could say he sleighed it.

Why is Santa so busy?
He’s wrapped up in a lot of things.

Yo mama so poor, every time Santa gives her coal, she makes money off of it!

What do you call an elf that hates Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.

What’s a Christmas dilemma?
If you tell Santa what you want for Christmas, then you’ll definitely be on the naughty list.

Recommended: Naughty Santa Jokes

A young girl sits on Santa’s lap and requests a Barbie and a GI Joe.
“Of course, little girl, you can have that, but doesn’t Barbie usually come with Ken?”
“Oh no, Santa, Barbie fakes it with Ken, she comes with GI Joe.”

What’s Santa’s favorite heavy metal band?

Did you hear that Santa played a round of golf on Christmas day to relax and hit a birdie?
It was a partridge on a par 3.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Interrupting Santa.
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

Why is Santa Claus always a man?
Because no woman will wear the same dress year after year for the same occasion.

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and voter fraud?
One is a childish fantasy about getting what you want. The other has flying reindeer.

Yo mama so fat, Santa gave her a treadmill for Christmas.

Why does Santa go down a chimney on Christmas?
Because it soots him.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Santa who?)
Santa card to my gramma for Christmas.

Almost everyone at the North Pole becomes extremely anxious whenever Santa feels depressed
That’s when he’s most likely to elf harm.

What’s it called when someone is afraid of getting stuck in a chimney?
Santa Claustrophobia.

Kid: Santa, what’s the story of your reindeer names?
Santa: Why I name them after memories, like Prancer frolicking through the snow!
Kid: What about Donner?
A dark countenance settles on Santa’s face
Santa: The year was 1847, snowfall had trapped us in the Sierra Nevada…!

What does Santa use to clean his suit for Christmas?

Yo mama so ugly, Santa pays an elf to drop off her gifts at Christmas.

Why does Santa spend 364 days a year forming strong masculine relationships?
Bros before hos.

Recommended: Adult Christmas Jokes

Why does Santa go through the chimney?
Because Mrs. Claus wouldn’t let him go through her back door.

What does Santa say if you get too close to him with a cold?
“You’re on the snotty list!”

What weapon does Santa have?
Ballistic mistletoe.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Claus who?)
Claus I can’t wait any longer!

Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist?
Because they had low elf-esteem.

What did the ram say to Santa?
“All I want for Christmas is ewe.”

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and the Krampus?
Santa comes once a year and loves everyone, the Krampus comes once a month and hates women.

Why doesn’t Santa get something for the child who believes in nothing?
Because they’re on the nihilist.

Where do Santa’s elves make the just acceptable toys?
In the satisfactory.

What are the 4 stages of life?
You believe in Santa.
You don’t believe in Santa.
You are Santa.
You look like Santa.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked out the window?
It looks like rain, dear.

Recommended: Reindeer Jokes

Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee so much?
Because they’re Santa’s star bucks.

How do you know when Santa is around?
You can sense his presents.

Why was Santa disappointed in Rudolph’s report card?
He went down in History.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Ho Ho.
(Ho Ho who?)
Your Santa impression needs a little work!

Why can you neither confirm nor deny Santa’s existence?
Clausible deniability.

What happens when Santa’s GPS stops working?
He becomes a lost Claus.

Did you hear that there was an accident at Santa’s workshop and a bookcase collapsed?
Now there’s a shelf on an elf.

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?
Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Gift who?)
Gift me a coal already. I want to go see Santa!

Who is Santa’s favorite actor?
Danny Trejo-ho-ho.

Who is Santa Claus’s favorite actress?
Holly Berry.

What does St. Nicholas call his suits?
His Santa Clothes.
Where does he store his suits?
In his Klaus-et.

Did you hear about Santa’s elf who shoots rockets from his feet?
His name is Missile Toe.

Recommended: Elf Jokes

Why doesn’t Santa need health insurance?
He has his own private Elfcare.

What kind of music do Santa’s elves listen to at this time of year?
Wrap music.

What do you get if you cross Santa Claus and a Duck?
Lots of presents, and a large bill.

What does Santa say walking backward?
“Oh oh oh.”

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Ivana who?)
Ivana go see Santa, so gift me a coal already!

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Crisp Kringle.

What would Santa Claus be called if he didn’t wear underwear?
Saint Knicker-less.

What do Santa’s helpers learn in kindergarten?
The elf-abet.

What does Santa use to clean his hands?

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Santa Who?)
Santa who’s too tired to come down the chimney.

What is Santa’s religion?
He’s eggnogstic.

Recommended: Eggnog Puns

Why was Hipster Santa arrested for arson?
Because he was putting coal in bad kids stockings before it was cool.

Who’s Santa’s favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.

What do you call the terms and conditions of a Christmas present?
Santa clauses.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws.

How do elves measure their height?
In Santa-meters.

Many people associate Santa with the joy and magic of the holiday season, so joking about him can be a fun and lighthearted way to celebrate the season. Additionally, the image of Santa Claus – a jolly old man in a red suit with a white beard – is very recognizable and easily lends itself to humorous puns and jokes.
Have a better Santa Claus joke? Post your one-liners and puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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