Fire, the ultimate multitasker, has been around since cavemen decided life could use a little heat and drama. It cooks your food, lights up your s’mores, and sometimes gets a bit too excited during summer barbeques. But the fire isn’t always fun and games, it can also cause hazards like the burning of buildings, making it both a hero and a bit of a troublemaker. No wonder people say fire has a fiery personality!
Speaking of fire jokes, they bring the lighter side to this blazing topic, turning sparks of chaos into bursts of laughter. These jokes take fiery moments, both the silly and the serious. And douse them in humor, proving that even the hottest situations can have a cool punchline. With fire jokes, you’re guaranteed a good laugh without worrying about calling the fire brigade!
Best Fire Jokes
Ever searched Google for “how to start a large fire”?
52,000 matches.
What kind of fire leaves a room damp?
A humidifire.
Caveman discovers weed,
Caveman discovers fire,
Stone age begins.
Why are cigarettes like hamsters?
Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.
They say you should test your fire alarm once a month.
But it’s costing me a fortune in houses!
What do you call a jacket that’s on fire?
A blazer.
Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly.
So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over”.
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said, “Nope, it ain’t Paddy.”
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, “No, it ain’t Paddy.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Sean said, “Well, Paddy had two ar$eholes.”
“What? He had two arseholes?” asked the mortician.
“Yup, everyone knew he had two ar$eholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Paddy with them two ar$eholes….'”
If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant…What’s on the out side?
K9P.
In the event of a fire, what steps should you take?
Large ones.
Hey girl, are you a fire alarm?
Because shut the f up.
Do you remember when they first invented fire?
It was a hot commodity.
Did you hear about the bread factory that caught fire?
Everything is toast.
Why was it hard work pulling a fire-breathing lizard along the road?
Because it’s a dragon.
What happens if you fire the firefighters?
More fire. Duh.
A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.
The physicist announces “We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!”
The chemist replies “No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of reactants, can no longer continue!”
Meanwhile, the two turn around to find that the statistician is running around the room setting everything else on fire. “What the hell are you doing??”
“Getting a proper sample size!”
Why do police officers wear blue?
Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to her bills?
Bernadette.
Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire?
If it burns, it’s a smart ant. If it doesn’t, it’s retardant.
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Why did the farmer fire the DJ?
Because he kept on dropping beets.
What did the beaver say when his house caught fire?
“Hot dam!”
What do you call a fireman who can’t put out a fire?
Man.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak, were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft…
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again, that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
What’s the difference between a physicist and an engineer?
An engineer and a physicist are roommates. One day a fire starts in the kitchen. The engineer is the only one home. He hears the alarm jumps out of bed grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall and puts out the fire and goes back to bed.
The next night a fire starts in the kitchen again. This time the physicist is the only one home. The physicist gets out of bed and sees the fire. He looks at the wall and sees a fire extinguisher. He then goes back to bed happy knowing that a solution exists.
My Dad told me “always fight fire with fire”…
And that’s why he’s no longer a fireman.
What kind of moron invented the fire blanket?
Surely fire is warm enough already!
Did you hear about the fire at the cheese factory?
Nearly a total loss… all that was left was de-brie.
Despite being fire-breathing monsters, dragons will never actually explode.
But a dino might.
If you need to start a fire by rubbing sticks together, make sure they are the same.
Then you’ll have a match.
Why do the firemen take out people from a burning building before they put the fire out with water?
Bros before hose.
The other day this house caught fire.
The insurance agent said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?”
The owner said, “Fire and theft.” The agent frowned. “Uh oh. That’s the wrong kind. It should be fire OR theft.”
Apparently, the only way one can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed while it’s burning down.
Did you hear about the guy who lit his pants on fire?
He made an ash of himself!
What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?
Hose A and Hose B!
Why are hens so good at fire drills?
They always know where to egg sit.
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If fire and water are both elements, what is steam?
Better than Epic.
What starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘UCK’?
Fire Truck!
Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for the night,
Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant.
In a blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, “All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 pounds to the fire department that brings them out intact.”
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 pounds to the fire station who could bring out the company’s secret files. But still, the fire fighters could not get through.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of old men over 65. To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 pounds and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the chief, “What are you going to do with all that money?”
“Well,” said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, “the first thing we’re gonna do is fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck.”
What do you call a man who’s on fire?
Bernie.
What do you do when your musical instrument is on fire?
You stop, rock, and roll.
What do you call a monkey holding a firecracker?
A Baboom!
A police officer says to a couple, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but your son set the school on fire.”
They ask “Was it arson?”, and the officer answers “Yes, your son”.
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How did the fire fall in love?
It found its perfect match!
Why could the grill never keep a job?
He kept getting fired.
A blonde’s neighbor’s house was on fire so she called 911.
The blonde told the operator, “My neighbor’s house is on fire!”.
The operator asked, “Where are you? ”
The blonde answered, “At my house”.
The operator replied, “No, I’m asking how do we get there?”
The blonde said, “In a firetruck, duh!”
What do you get when you light a pig on fire?
A piglit.
Fire has destroyed a world-famous landmark in Paris.
And there’s notre dame thing they could do about it.
In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.
The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist, he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.
Don’t you just hate those guys who show up at your door and tell you that you need to be saved or you’ll burn?
F*cking firemen.
What did the smoke detector say to the fire?
“beep beep beep beep beep…”
What do you call a deer with no eyes that is on fire?
No flaming idea.
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A beekeeper was driving by a brothel when he noticed that it was on fire …
All of the ladies that worked there were trapped at one of the upstairs windows and they were frantically yelling for help.
Quickly, the man pulled over and tied a hammock between two fence posts that were just below the window. But the ladies were afraid to jump because they didn’t think the hammock would hold them.
The flames were getting much worse, so the beekeeper did the only thing he could think of. He went back to his truck and retrieved a very special bee that he kept in a box labeled “in case of a brothel fire”
Sure enough, this special bee flew right up into the open window where all the ladies had gathered. Of course, this just made them panic even more. One by one this bee chased each lady until all sense was lost and she leaped out the window, landing safely in the outstretched hammock below.
When all the ladies had reached the ground safely the specially trained bee returned to his box, then the ladies turned to the beekeeper and offered him their gratitude. But he refused. “After all,” he explained, “it wasn’t me that saved you. It was the hornet.”
How do you start a holy fire?
With a match made in Heaven.
What do you call a dis@bled person on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
Over 200 souls were lost.
What did the firefighter say when the brothel was burning down?
We are gonna need more hose.
A man had his eyelids burned off in a fire and the doctors used a new procedure to replace them with his foreskin
He came out just fine besides being a little cockeyed.
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Crisp Kringle.
What do you call a homo on fire?
LGBBQ.
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Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents.
“Dad! Dad! Fire! The house is burning!!”
“Let’s get out of here son! Quietly, you’re gonna wake up your mom!”
What do you call a mexican whose car was on fire?
Carlito.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.
Do you have a funny Fire Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
