Every year, as soon as the leaves start falling and the air smells like cinnamon, pumpkins take over the world. They’re everywhere, on porches, in lattes, and even pretending to be soup. And when all that pumpkin madness starts spinning, there’s only one thing left to make sense of it all, our Pumpkin Jokes.
These jokes are the secret ingredient that keeps fall from becoming too serious. One minute you’re carving a face into a gourd, and the next, you’re laughing about how it looks like your grumpy neighbor. These jokes roll in like crunchy leaves, bringing harmless fun, goofy thoughts, and that perfect break from school stress or homework blues. Because let’s be honest, if a fruit that looks like it skipped leg day can become the king of October, then it deserves a few good laughs.

Best Pumpkin Jokes

What do you get if you divide a pumpkin’s circumference by its diameter?
Pumpkin π.

What do you call a heavy pumpkin?
A PLUMPKIN!!!

If a male pumpkin is named Gord, what is his wife’s name?
Melonie.

A piece of pumpkin pie costs $2.00 in Jamaica and $2.45 in Barbados.
These are the pie rates of the Carribean.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Gourd.
(Gourd who?)
Gourd to see you, let’s carve some pumpkins!

If pumpkins were originally placed outside of houses to ward off evil spirits…
That would mean they were on gourd duty!

What do you call secret agents that only work in Autumn?
Pumpkin Spies.

What sport do pumpkins like
Squash!

A head chef of a famous restaurant bought three sheep named A, B, and C.
The head chef puts a pumpkin on A, says to the sous chef, “if you put a pumpkin on A, it does nothing.”
Again, the same thing happens with B. Nothing.
But when the head chef puts the pumpkin on C, it suddenly stands on its hind legs, goes to the kitchen, and starts cooking a gourmet meal while cursing at the kitchen staff.
Now the head chef calmly turned to the sous chef and said, “Now do you see what happens when you put a gourd on ram C in the kitchen?”

Why did Cinderella always lose at tennis?
Because her coach was a PUMPKIN.

How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.

What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka?
A sorority.

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Orange.
(Orange who?)
Orange you glad it’s almost Halloween?

Recommended: Halloween Jokes for Work

A man was driving behind a truck carrying pumpkins when the tailgate failed, spilling pumpkins all over his car. The car was totaled. His insurance claim was denied.
They called it an act of gourd.

We’re carving pumpkins this weekend! Going to do Groot, Drax, Rocket, and all the rest.
They’ll be our Gourd-ians of the Galaxy.

What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving?
“Good-pie, everyone.”

What do you call a female pumpkin
An umkin! A pumpkin without a pp.

An elderly gentleman was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening.
He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, “I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names.”
The old man hung his head. “I have to tell you the truth,” he said, “Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago and I’m scared to death to ask her what it is!”

Coffee is acidic. Until you add pumpkin and spices…
Then it becomes basic.

Why did the Mexican pumpkin have to go on a diet?
Because he was gourd-o.

What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.

Recommended: Fall Jokes

What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
“You look a little sick.”

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Aida.
(Aida who?)
Aida the whole pumpkin pie!

Yo mama so ugly, when she went out on Halloween night, the Pumpkin Heads gave her a carved pumpkin to cover her head.

What’s the difference between a pumpkin and a classroom filled with baby antelopes?
Quite a few things.

Did you know that Starbucks can make your teeth whiter?
Enough pumpkin spiced latte will make anything whiter.

What does a carved pumpkin celebrate?
Hollow-een.

Donald Trump has been invited to join The Spice Girls’ Reunion Tour…
He’ll be appearing as Pumpkin Spice.

The grade three teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence, and Little Johnny puts up his hand…
“Yes, Johnny?”
“Well, miss, my dad actually used that word on the weekend. We were driving out in the countryside when we got stuck behind a pumpkin truck full of pumpkins. When my dad tried to pass him, he sped up, so when we got to a roadside diner we stopped for lunch.
“Later on, we found the pumpkin truck further up the road on its side with pumpkins all over the road, and my dad said:
“It’s gonna take that contagious to pick them all up!”

What do you get when you divide 355 jack o’lanterns by 113 jack o’lanterns?
Pumpkin Pi.

Recommended: Pie Jokes

How do you make Pumpkin Pie?
Take the circumference of the pumpkin and divide it by the diameter of the pumpkin.

Why did the pumpkin take a detour?
To avoid a seedy part of town.

Did you hear about the pumpkins that went to the gym?
They wanted to become jacked-o-lanterns.

What’d the farmer say when he accidentally squashed his pumpkin?
“Oh my gord.”

How does a Halloween pumpkin listen to music?
“On vine-yl.”

Have you ever won a pumpkin carving contest?
It’s a hollow victory.

Would you ever consider yourself a beautiful gourd?
Because you look smashing, pumpkin.

It was Halloween time.
A pumpkin says to a jack-o’-lantern, “All we ever do is sit around on the stoop. Don’t you want to mix it up, try something different?”
The jack-o’-lantern says, “I don’t have the guts.”

Recommended: Funny Halloween Quotes

How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?
Apply the pumpkin patch.

Who helps little pumpkins get to school?
The crossing gourd.

Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie?
He’s a squashbuckling pirate.

What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre?
“Pulp fiction.”

What did Lil Pump call his fanbase?
The Pumpkin.

A pumpkin and her husband go out for a special dinner date.
They meet each other after work at a table within the restaurant.
Wife asked, “How do I look?”
Husband replied, “Gourdgeous as ever, dear.”

Where do pumpkins hold meetings?
The gourdroom.

Recommended: Halloween Jokes

Where’s the best place to grow korn, smashing pumpkins, black-eyed peas, and red hot chili peppers?
In a soundgarden.

What do you get from a falling pumpkin?
Squashed.

Why did the Pumpkin go to the tailor’s?
He needed a patch.

Why was the jack-o-lantern so forgetful?
“Because he’s empty headed.”

What do you call a pumpkin with attitude?
Sass-squash.

What do you call a pump’s relative?
A pumpkin.

Did you hear about the bullfighting pumpkin?
He was gored.

What happens when you eat too much pumpkin pie?
“You get au-tumn-y ache.”

What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.

Recommended: Avocado Jokes

What did the big pumpkin say to the little pumpkin?
“Let’s have a showdown. Whip whip wop!”

What does a redneck do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.

Did you know that the state vegetable and official state pastime of Alabama are the same thing?
Pumpkin.

What do you find in a pumpkin’s pants?
A Halloweenie!

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won’t let her… As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.”First, you must wear a diaphragm.”
Cinderella agrees.”What’s the second condition?”
“You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin.” Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.
The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn’t show up.
Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied.
“Where have you been?” demands the fairy godmother. “Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!”
“I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything.”
“I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!”
“I can’t remember, exactly… Peter Peter, something or other…”

What do hillbillies do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.

What do you call a carved pumpkin in September?
A premature ejack-o-lantern.

What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
“Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?”

Recommended: Dirty Halloween Jokes

What’s an inbred’s favorite fruit?
Pumpkin.

Which is the most incestuous fruit?
The pumpkin!

What’s the difference between a pumpkin and a fleshlight?
Ones a Jack-O’-Lantern, the other is a Jack-N’-Lantern.

What did the pumpkin say to the pumpkin carver?
“Cut it out.”

Do you have a funny Pumpkin Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!