99 Best Halloween Jokes To Get You In The Spooky Spirit

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Jessica Amlee

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You’ve got to counterbalance all those screaming with a little laughter. In between making terrifying Halloween treats, dressing the house with Halloween decorations, and stocking up on all the cheap Halloween candy you can find, it’s crucial to take some time to relax and appreciate the lighter side of this holiday. Aside from the odd weird costume, there are some corny Halloween jokes that will make you laugh. There’s at least one Halloween joke that will make you laugh out loud, whether it’s about mum’s trick-or-treating, a love for all things fall, or making Santa wait his turn.

If you’re a Halloween fanatic, you wait all year for the sight of most decor, costumes, and trick or treat. Because not everyone finds headless witches and killer clowns hilarious, it’s wonderful that there are Halloween jokes aimed at making everyone laugh.

Funny Halloween Jokes

Why shouldn’t you wear a dinosaur costume in bad neighborhoods?
You’ll get Jurasskicked.

Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.

What is the periodic table called on Halloween?
The Atoms family!

A boy dressed up as a pirate for Halloween, and a lady at the door he knocked on asked, “Where are your buccaneers?”
He said, “Where do you think? Right under my buccanhat!”

What does a contractor say on Halloween?
“Brick or Treat.”

What do you call a wolf that is lost?
A where-wolf.

What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?

What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on Halloween?
“Happy halloweenie!”

What do you call a monster who plays tricks on Halloween?

What sea won the Halloween competition?
The Dead Sea.

Remember about the one who dressed up as a screwdriver this past Halloween?
It wasn’t the best costume but still turned a lot of heads.

Dad said to his son, “There’s only one thing about Halloween that scares me.”
The kid asked, “Which is?”
Dad replied, “Exactly!”

Why do computer scientists always confuse Christmas and Halloween?
It is because DEC 25 = OCT 31.

Did you hear about the kid dressed up as a UDP packet for Halloween?
But don’t think anyone got it.

Hear about the girl who thought of going as a bandaid this Halloween?
She decided against it as it’s really hard to pull it off.

What do you call someone who will always banish one of 2 spirits, but never both?
An XORcist.

Why shouldn’t you dress up like a purse for a Halloween heist?
You don’t want to be an accessory to the crime.

What would wolverine dress up as for Halloween?
A huge axe man.

What does Beyoncé do on Halloween?
A Séayoncé.

Heard about the kid who ways wanted to be a ghost for Halloween?
His mom thought it was a good idea because when he was up to something she could see right through me, but Dad said he was too dense.

Son: What are you going to be for Halloween dad?
Dad: Drunk.
Son: What’s mom gonna be?
Dad: Mad.

Heard about the man who got a job making plastic Dracula before Halloween?
He says, “There’s only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.”

Why do some always get Halloween and Valentine’s Day confused?
They’re both about candy and being something you’re not.

A classmate dressed up as a storm trooper for Halloween and shot up the school
Don’t worry, no one got hurt.

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Did you hear about the guy who went on a congressional bill for Halloween?
He stayed in the House and didn’t do anything.

What happened to the employee who told his boss that he was coming into work dressed as his dad for Halloween?
He didn’t show up.

A conversation between girls at a Halloween party.
Girl 1: What are you dressed as?
Girl 2: I’m a harp.
Girl 1: Your costume’s too small to be a harp.
Girl 2: Are you calling me a lyre?

Did you hear about the guy who dressed up as a gifted kid for Halloween?
When his neighbors asked what he was supposed to be, he sadly replied, “I was supposed to be a lot of things…”

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composer for Halloween?
“You be Beethoven, I’ll be Bach.”

A kid asked his friend what he was being for Halloween, and he said “Nothing.”
The kid said, “No, that’s what you are in real life, you have to wear a costume.”

Did you hear about the man going to dress up as a Subaru head gasket for Halloween?
There’s a really good chance he’ll get blown.

What are you going to be for Halloween if you have no money?
You are going to be evicted.

What did the spoon dress up as for the Halloween party?
A cereal killer.

What is a skeleton’s favorite snack?

Recommended: Jack-O-Lantern Jokes

Three guys flee into a museum to avoid the oncoming horde of zombies. While seeking food and water, one of the survivors discovers a golden lamp, from which a genie roars.
“You are allowed three wishes. So, what’s your first wish?” declares the genie. “I want to go back to my family before the zombie apocalypse and never have it happen,” the first man asks. “It sounds amazing, I want that as well,” adds the second man. And then the two men vanished.
The weight of all the zombies pushing on the museum’s front door has just broken it in. The museum is quickly filling up with zombies. The genie requests a wish from the last man. “I wish my two pals were back here to help fend off all these zombies,” he thinks hastily.

What three certainties in life?
Death, taxes, and Halloween candy assortments will always include one candy that ruins the bag.

What do you call Halloween for feminists?

What’s better than getting dumped on Halloween?
Well, at least she didn’t ghost you.

What happens when one door closes?
A Spirit Halloween store opens.

Why do some kids miss Halloween all year?
They can no longer take free candy from creepy strangers.

It’s so hot this summer, the Halloween candy at Walmart is starting to melt.

A man attends a Halloween party while carrying a girl on his back.
“And what are you?” the host inquires. “I’m a snail,” the person says. “And who’s that on your back?” the host asks. “This is Michelle!”

What do you call a DJ on Halloween?
The boogie-man.

Why are cornfield mazes part of our Halloween tradition?
They are exceptionally ear-ie.

A five-year-old and his father were discussing Halloween candy. The father told him that he liked Kit-Kats.
The kid picked out a Butterfinger from his bag, held it up, and said, “Kit-Kats are good but these are butter.”

Recommended: Halloween Knock Knock Jokes

How do Halloween characters listen to their music?
Scare pods.

Did you hear about the kid who farts a lot whenever it’s Halloween?
That’s why he always dresses up as Jack the Ripper.

What did one pumpkin say to the other after the Halloween party?
Damn! We got lit last night!

Superman went to a Halloween party
Someone was dressed as a Bitcoin. Someone dressed as a Dogecoin. Someone else dressed as Ethereum. Superman was pissed.
He didn’t realize it was gonna be a Crypto night.

The father saw his son eating chocolate even after he confiscated all his Halloween candy. He asked the kid where he got that from.
The son replied, “I always have a few twix up my sleeve.”

Why did Casper oversleep on Halloween?
He had too much boos!

What do you call a Karen on Halloween?
A trigger treater.

What does a vegetarian zombie eat?

What do birds give out on Halloween?

How do you dress up as a match on Halloween?
Just take all the clothes off and the face turns red instantly.

Recommended: Vampire Jokes

What did the ghost, the crow, and the door lock say on Halloween?
Boo! Caw! Key!

On a foggy Halloween night, a man is coming home alone when he hears: BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
Walking faster, he glances back and sees an upright casket smashing its way down the middle of the street toward him through the fog.
BUMP, BUMP, BUMP… Terrified, the man starts running toward his house, the casket trailing behind him. BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…. FASTER… FASTER… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…. He hurries up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens it, rushes in, slams it shut, and locks it behind him. However, the casket bursts through his door, the casket’s lid clapping. The terrified man rushes with noise behind him clappity-BUMP…clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP.
He rushes upstairs to the restroom and locks himself in. His pulse is thumping, his mind is racing, and his breath is spilling out in sobs.
The casket shatters the door with a thunderous CRASH. Bumping and clapping in his direction. The man yells and clutches for… anything.
All he can find is a box of cough drops! Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin….and…of…course, …the coffin stops!

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was out standing in his field.

Did you hear about the man who told everyone that he is going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes him?
He is dead Sirius.

What does Olive Garden serve on Halloween?
Fettuccini Afraid-O.

Did you hear about the neighborhood girl’s Halloween costume which is spooky but so freakin’ hot?
She’s a ghost pepper.

Why do many hope it doesn’t rain on Halloween night?
That would dampen spirits.

What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Boy, the Halloween vandals and pranksters hit my neighborhood hard already. They destroyed a bunch of street signs,” he tells the bartender. “They really pulled out all the stops.”

Did you hear about the guy who came second at a Halloween party, dressed as a Giraffe?
He didn’t win but at least he could hold his head high.

Recommended: Monster Jokes

A math teacher says that for Halloween he is dressing up as a tree.
When his students ask him what he is, he said, “Gee, I’m a tree.” (Geometry)

What do you call a father wearing a baby carrier with a bag of sugar in it?
A sugar daddy.

Why couldn’t the witch get into her house?
Because she lost her spo-keys.

Why was Freud pretty weird about the whole Halloween experience?
Attribute that to his mummy issues.

What did aunt say when she showed up an hour late to the Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume?
“Sorry, I was getting dressed.”

Did you hear about the guy who went to church on Halloween?
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

What kind of plant likes Halloween?

A Martial Artist is outside on Halloween.
Kid: That’s a big bowl of candy mister!
MA: Yeah, but you can only taekwondo.

Why wouldn’t the crab share his Halloween candy?
He’s shellfish.

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Halloween party?
He didn’t have the guts to go.

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What do you say to your friend who is dressing up as the Archipelago off the southwest coast of Britain for Halloween?
“Don’t be so scilly.”

What is Charles Darwin’s go-to Halloween costume?
A galapaghost.

Heard about the wizard who asked a guy to proofread one of his books in preparation for Halloween?
It was more of a Spell Checker.

Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
It had no body to dance with!

What did the wife say when the husband told her that he was thinking of going as a pair of eyeglasses this Halloween?
“Please don’t. You’ll make a spectacle of yourself.”

What should you do If you want to dress as a Cyclops for Halloween?
Start keeping an eye out for an authentic costume design.

Why are some thinking about dressing up as a Banker for Halloween this year?
They think it will gain a lot of interest.

What do you call a zombie garage sale?
A dead giveaway.

What happened to the kid who wanted to dress as a condiment for Halloween?
He couldn’t mustard up the courage.

Did you hear about the disabled guy who wants to be a Band-Aid for Halloween but he’s got no arms?
Don’t know how he expects to pull it off.

Recommended: Adult Halloween Jokes

Wanna know what emo is for Halloween?

Heard about the company that decided to produce those Halloween-themed mints?
They said it’s a scare tictac.

Did you hear about the girl who thought about dressing up as a plank of wood for Halloween?
She changed her mind because she would get board quickly.

What do Catholics get during mass on Halloween?
Christ Krispie Treats.

What do you call when a girl dressed as the grim reaper on Halloween came to your door with messy hair and asked you politely to fix it?
That night, you had a brush with death.

What did Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin.

Heard about the boss who told the employee to dress up for Halloween when coming in for his shift?
He dressed up as the invisible man.

Why couldn’t the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?
Because most people are offended at seeing Boo Bees.

What kind of floors do Ghosts prefer in their homes?
Bam-Boo floors.

Why do bottomless shoes count as Halloween decorations?
Because they have no soles.

Recommended: Trick or Treat Jokes

How do you celebrate both Halloween and Reformation Day?
By nailing 95 Reese’s to the church door.

Hear about the priest who taped Cd’s to his glasses for Halloween?
It was a blessing in disk eyes.

Are any of the Halloween monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.

What happened to the guy who wanted to be Tarzan for Halloween?
He didn’t want to go out on a limb.

Why did India cancel Halloween?
They ran out of Gandhi.

What did the cranberry dress up as for Halloween?
A zombay-ay-ay.

If you consider yourself a true Halloween fanatic, you should enjoy and share the above exclusive collection of Halloween jokes with your friends and family on the internet and Social Media Platforms.

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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