Santa and Banta are two best friends who somehow find themselves in the funniest situations possible. One day they might be trying to fix a bulb and end up turning the whole neighborhood dark, and the next day they’re teaching each other “life lessons” that make no sense at all. Their friendship is full of laughter, confusion, and silly logic that makes people laugh till their stomachs hurt. Wherever Santa goes, Banta is not far behind, usually making things twice as hilarious.
Santa Banta jokes are the heart of lighthearted fun that can turn any dull moment into a burst of laughter. These jokes show how two simple friends see the world in their own funny way, mixing wisdom with nonsense. People love them because they bring humor from everyday life, sometimes with clever twists and sometimes just pure foolishness. Reading these jokes feels like sitting with two friends who never take life too seriously and always know how to make everyone smile.
Best Santa Banta Jokes
Interviewer asks, “What is your birth date?”
Santa replies, “Thirteenth October.”
Interviewer asks again, “Which year?”
Santa exclaims, “Oye ullu ke pathe… every year!”
After spending several hours wandering through the woods, Santa and Banta are thoroughly lost. Disorientated, they sit down to discuss what to do next.
“Hey, I have an idea,” says Santa. “If we each fire three shots into the air, someone will hear them and come to help us.”
Banta agrees, so each of them fires their shots. An hour later, nobody has come to help, so they decide to fire three more shots. Another hour passes – still no one.
“Okay lets try this one more time” says Santa.
“Yaar Santa, this had better work,” replies Banta. “These are our last arrows.”
The teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one, Santa.
He wrote: ‘ To Rain, No Match!’
Santa was sitting sadly outside his house on his marriage anniversary. Banta saw him, walked over, and asked, “Oye, why are you sitting outside?”
Santa: “Buddy, today was my marriage anniversary, so I gave my wife a chain as a gift, and she threw me out of the house.”
Banta: “Why? Did you bring a silver chain?”
Santa: “No, a bicycle chain.”
Santa is giving an exam.
The girl in front asks, “Main teri nakal maar loon?”
Santa replies, “Maar lay, baad vich main teri asal marunga.”
Santa and Banta went for a walk in the jungle when a lion appeared in front of them. Banta threw dust into the lion’s eyes and shouted,
Banta says: “Oye, run quickly!”
Santa replies: “Why should I run? You’re the one who threw the dust.”
Santa once bought guavas from the market and started eating them. Suddenly, he noticed a worm inside one of the guavas. Santa shouted angrily, “Hey, there’s a worm coming out of your guava!”
The guava seller thought for a moment and then said, “Brother, it’s all about luck, maybe the next guava will have a motorcycle inside.”
Hearing this, Santa became excited and said, “Alright then, pack five kilos!”
The circus owner was scolding Santa loudly.
The owner says, “There is a limit to carelessness. Did you really leave the lion unchained last night?”
Santa replies, “How does it matter? Who would steal a lion?”
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Banta is driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden, nature calls. He sees a little bar up the way, and he pulls into the parking lot.
When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables, and there’s hardly standing room anywhere.
Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up. When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked. All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he’s ever had right there in the hole.
Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul is in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.
“What happened!?!” says Banta.
The bartender responds, “Where were you when the sh*t hit the fan?!”
Santa says, “Brother, you gave me the Safola oil, but you did not give the gift that comes with it.”
Shopkeeper replies, “There is no gift with this.”
Santa says, “Do not fool me. It is written on it, cholesterol free.”
When the Banta came home, his wife, Preeto, was crying.
“Your mother insulted me,” she sobbed.
“My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?” Banta asked.
“I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious.”
“And?”
“At the end of the letter, she wrote: PS. Dear Preeto, when you have finished reading this letter, don’t forget to give it to my son.”
Seeing Santa crying, Banta asked what had happened.
Santa explains: “I bought a two-ton AC, but when I reached home and weighed it, it turned out to be thirty-five kilos!”
Banta went to the doctor with a swollen foot. After careful examination, the doctor gave him a huge pill.
“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor said.
The doctor was gone quite a while, and eventually Banta lost his patience. He hobbled to the sink, forced the huge pill down, slurped water from the sink until the pill cleared his throat, and then hobbled back onto the examining table.
In walks the doctor with a bucket of warm water and says, “Okay, once the tablet has dissolved, soak your foot in it for at least half an hour.”
Santa’s lips were burnt.
Banta asks, “How did they get burnt?”
Santa explains, “I went to drop my wife at the railway station.”
Banta wonders, “So what happened?”
Santa replies, “I was so happy that I kissed the train engine.”
Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: “What will come first, the chicken or the egg?”
He says, “Oye Yaar, whatever you order first will come first.”
Banta visited a five-star hotel for the first time. Feeling a bit shy, he ordered tea. Within minutes, a well-dressed and smart waiter arrived with a kettle of hot water, a kettle of hot milk, a few tea pouches, and some sugar cubes.
Banta looked around, somehow managed to make the tea, and drank it. After a while, the waiter returned and asked,
Waiter says: “Sir, would you like anything else?”
Banta, in a very disappointed tone, replies,
Banta says: “I actually wanted to eat biryani, but leave it. I do not know how to make it, and it will take too much time.”
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Banta wrote a letter to the new Aviation Minister.
Banta writes, “Sir, it is my humble request that the new airport in Panvel should be named Bantacruz, since my brother already has an airport named after him, Santacruz!”
Santa was appointed as a salesperson at a local store in Chandigarh.
While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had ‘Peach Jam,’ to which he bluntly replied, “Out of stock.”
At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgust.
It was then that the shopkeeper, who had been looking on, called Santa aside and told him, “When a customer asks for a product that is out of stock, you apologize for its unavailability, and then offer other types of the same product. For instance, in this case, it was peach jam; offer other types of jam like pineapple jam, guava, apricot jam, and so on.”
Next, came in another lady who asked for toilet paper, and Santa politely replied, “I am sorry, ma’am, we do not have any toilet paper right now, but you could try some Carbon Paper or Sand Paper!”
Santa complains, “You cheated me.”
Shopkeeper replies, “No, I sold you a good radio.”
Santa explains, “The label says Made in Japan, but the radio says this is All India Radio!”
Santa asks, “What is the name of your car?”
Pooja replies, “I forgot the name, but it starts with T.”
Santa laughs, “What a strange car, it starts with tea. All the cars I know start with petrol.”
Santa called the airport and asked,
Santa asks, “How long is the journey from Punjab to America?”
Receptionist answers, “One second sir.”
.
.
.
Santa disconnects the call and mutters, “She must be drunk.”
Santa to a doctor, “Mera beta motorcycle se gir gaya…”
Doctor replies, “I can’t understand Hindi. Can you tell in English.”
Santa says, “My londa gironda from Hero Honda!!!!”
Just as Santa was about to fall asleep, his wife shook him and said, “I hear someone breaking in.”
At least two nights a week for twenty years, Santa had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. So, he went out for a routine check.
When Santa entered the adjacent room, he was surprised to see a thief. The man held a gun to his head and continued to rob the house.
As the thief was about to leave, Santa said, “You have to go and meet my wife, Jeeto.”
The thief said, “Why would you want me to meet your wife?”
Santa replied, “Well, she’s been expecting you for 20 years.”
There was an Englishman who was singing, “There was a cold day,” whilst having a shit in the cinema toilets.
Our Banta walks by and hears him singing, “There was a cold day, There was a cold day,” he slams the door wide open.
The Englishman, in a shock, says, “What the bl00dy hell are you doing?”
Banta replied, “Oh, sorry! I thought you ar saying, ‘Darwaza Khol De’ (open the door).”
Santa and the local priest were always fighting and arguing, and eventually they finished up in court.
After listening to evidence from both sides, the magistrate said, “I feel sure that this can be settled amicably. Shake hands with each other, and say something for goodwill.”
The priest shook Santa’s hand and said, “I wish for you what you wish for me.”
“See, Your Honour,” said Santa. “HE’S STARTING AGAIN.”
Santa warns, “Banta, don’t charge your mobile while sleeping at night.”
Banta asks, “Why?”
Santa explains, “Sometimes the battery may blast.”
Banta replies, “Yes, I know. That is why I remove the battery from the mobile while charging.”
Banta walked through the forest when he heard a cry for help. He found a dwarf stuck in a trap. He freed the dwarf, and the dwarf granted him two wishes.
“My first wish,” Banta said, “is a bottle of whiskey that will never be empty.”
And flash, there was the bottle. Banta opened it, and drank it empty. The next moment, the bottle was full again. Banta was very happy.
“What is your second wish?” the dwarf asked.
Banta replied, “I want another bottle…”
Banta says, “Bro, I just left my job. I could not work for that boss after what he said to me.”
Santa asks, “What happened, what did he say?”
Banta replies, “You lazy duffer man, you are fired.”
Banta noticed that Santa was looking depressed and asked what was wrong.
“Well,” said Santa, “I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I’m in deep trouble at home.”
“What kind of question?” asked Banta.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat, and wrinkly.”
“That’s easy,” said Banta. “You just say ‘Of course I will’.”
“Yeah,” said Santa, “That’s what I did, except I said ‘Of course I DO…'”
Santa asks, “What is the difference between a mother’s tears and a girlfriend’s tears?”
Banta replies, “A mother’s tears affect our heart, and a girlfriend’s tears affect our pocket.”
Banta wanted to use his ATM card, but the machine kept rejecting it. In frustration, he called the bank helpline.
Banta angrily asks, “So what’s wrong with my ATM card?”
Girl replies, “Sir, I have checked your account, everything is fine here, and you should be able to use your card. Are you sure your card is not damaged or broken?”
Banta argues, “Are you insane? What are you suggesting? No one takes better care of their ATM card than I do.”
Girl continues, “Okay, sir, are you also sure the surface isn’t wet or stained with dirt?”
Banta snaps, “Are you mad? I take very good care of my card. In fact, I even got it laminated last week when I laminated my identity card.”
Girl repeats in shock, “Did you just say laminate?”
A nurse asked a patient who had a bleeding head injury for his details.
Nurse asks, “Your name?”
Patient replies, “Santa.”
Nurse asks, “Birthdate?”
Patient answers, “First February.”
Nurse asks, “Married?”
Patient replies, “No, car accident.”
Santa says, “I’m in big trouble!”
Banta asks, “Why is that?”
Santa explains, “I saw a mouse in my house!”
Banta advises, “Oh, all you need to do is use a trap.”
Santa replies, “I don’t have one.”
Banta suggests, “Then buy one.”
Santa complains, “I can’t afford one.”
Banta offers, “I can give you mine if you want.”
Santa says, “That sounds good.”
Banta adds, “Just use some cheese to make the mouse come to the trap.”
Santa says, “I don’t have any cheese.”
Banta continues, “Okay, then take a piece of bread, put a bit of oil in it, and place it in the trap.”
Santa replies, “I don’t have oil.”
Banta says, “Then just put a small piece of bread.”
Santa admits, “I don’t have bread.”
Banta finally shouts, “Then what is that mouse doing at your house?”
Banta, an eager young man, entered his prospective boss’s office for an interview.
“One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness. I hope you wiped your shoe on the doormat while coming in?” said the boss.
“Yes, sir,” Banta replied promptly.
The boss continued, “One more thing we’re very particular about is honesty. There is no doormat outside!”
Santa says, “I want to be in the navy.”
Banta responds, “Great, but do you know swimming?”
Santa replies, “No.”
Banta asks, “Then how can you join the navy?”
Santa answers, “Why? Those who are in the air force, can they fly like birds?”
Santa walked into a bar one evening, sat down, and said, “Barman, give me 1 bottle of beer, and give everybody here 2 bottles. As I am drinking, let them be drinking.”
The barman obeyed. Everybody hailed Santa.
As they were all drinking, Santa said, “Barman, give me 1 bowl of chicken soup, and give everybody here 2 bowls of chicken soup each, as I am eating, let them be eating.”
The barman obeyed. Everybody praised Santa.
Minutes later, Santa said, “Barman, bring me my bill, and bring everybody their bill, as I am paying, let them be paying.”
Santa went to a restaurant in China.
Chinese waiter says, “Sir, I have stewed liver, boiled tongue, and frog’s legs.”
Santa replies, “Yaar tu apni problems chhodd, menu card ley aa…”
In the middle of a hectic day at the office, Santa received a phone call from his friend Banta.
Banta says, “Santa, I just bought an expensive diamond ring for my wife Preeto. I hope this won’t break our long friendship?”
Santa replies, “Have you gone crazy? Why would buying your wife an expensive diamond ring break our friendship? You’re not giving it to my wife.”
Banta explains, “But my wife is taking it to your wife. She’s at your house right now showing it to her.”
Santa says, “Look, a thief has entered our kitchen and he is eating the cake I made.”
Banta asks, “Whom should I call now, the police or an ambulance?”
Santa had just finished collecting the rents from the tenants in his apartment block. But when he got home he realized that his wallet was missing and burst into tears.
“What’s the matter?” asked his wife.
“I’ve lost my wallet containing 25 thousand rupees,” he wailed. “I think I put it in my inside coat pocket, but it’s not there now.”
“Did you look in the pockets of your pants?”
“Yes, but the money isn’t there either.”
“What about the side pocket of your jacket? Did you look there?”
“Of course not!” he snapped. “Do you want me to lose the last bit of hope I have left?”
While walking in the highlands, Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta asks, “Are you ok?”
Santa replies, “Yes.”
Banta asks, “Did you break anything?”
Santa answers, “No, there is nothing down here.”
Santa couldn’t believe it – he’d made it to the last round of his favourite game show.
“Congratulations, Santa ji,” said Big B. “Answer correctly and you go home with five crores!
“This is a two-part question on Punjab history,” he continued. “The second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like first?”
Santa figured he’d play it safe, “I think I’ll try the second part of the question first.”
Big B nodded approvingly, while the audience was silent with anticipation.
“Okay, Santa ji, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?”
Teacher asks, “Which is the oldest animal in the world?”
Santa replies, “Zebra.”
Teacher asks, “How?”
Santa answers, “Because it is black and white.”
Two drunk, Santa and Banta, were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground.
“Is that shit, Banta?” Santa said.
“I don’t really know.” Responded Banta as he bent over, “it smells like shit.”
Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. “It feels like shit!”
Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. “Sure tastes like shit, buddy! I think it’s definitely shit.”
“Hooooeee!” Responded Santa, “Good thing we didn’t step in it!”
American says, “In our country, marriage even takes place with email.”
Santa replies, “In India, it is only with a female.”
Santa and Banta are sitting in the bar at Amritsar airport.
“I’ve come to meet my brother,” said the Santa. “He’s due to fly in from Canada in an hour’s time. It’s his first trip home in forty years.”
“Will you be able to recognize him?” asked the Banta.
“I’m sure I won’t,” said Santa, “after all, he’s been away for a long time.”
“I wonder if he’ll recognize you?” said the Banta.
“Of course he will,” said Santa. “Sure, I haven’t been away at all.”
Santa was withdrawing money from an ATM.
Banta, who was standing behind him, says, “I have seen your password. It is ****.”
Santa replies, “You are wrong. It is 1394.”
Banta confirms, “Preeto and I are going to get a divorce”.
Santa was stunned. “Why? What happened? You two seem so happy together.”
“Well,” he said, “ever since we got married, Preeto has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night, and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, and how to invest in the stock market.”
“Are you a little bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you?” Santa probed.
“Nah, I’m not bitter. Now that I’m so improved, she just isn`t good enough for me.”
Banta owned a factory and issued orders that only married men would be employed.
A friend asks, “Why this rule?”
Banta replies, “Because married men are more obedient.”
Santa and Banta meet in the street. Santa looked dejected and almost on the verge of tears.
Banta said, “Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?”
Santa said, “Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me fifty lacs.”
“Thats not bad.” “Hold on, Im just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew died and left me twenty lacs.”
“I’d like that.”
“Last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a million.”
“The how come you look so glum?”
“This week – nothing!”
Santa, Banta, and one of their friend, Sunny, tried out for the same job as road stripers. The employer told them they would all work for three days, and whoever painted the most would get the job.
At the end of the first day, Sunny had painted 4 miles, Banta had painted 3.5 miles, and Santa had painted 10 miles. The employer was so excited, he told Santa to keep it up, and the job was his.
The next day the Sunny painted 6 miles, Banta 7 miles, and Santa 5 miles. The employer told Santa not to worry, you still have a good lead.
So, on the third day, Sunny had painted 7 miles, Banta 8 miles, and Santa only two miles.
The employer was so disappointed, he asked Santa, “What went wrong? You were doing so well?”
Santa said, “Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away.”
Do you have a funny Santa Banta Joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
