20 Funny India vs. Pakistan Jokes That Know No Borders

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Jessica Amlee

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India and Pakistan are two neighboring countries in Asia with a history as intertwined as that of long-lost twins separated at birth but still sporting matching mustaches. Whether it’s cricket, food, or Bollywood films, the competition is as fierce as a tandoori chicken’s flavor. The rivalry extends from border skirmishes to cricket pitches, from UN meetings to the comments section of YouTube videos. They say if India is chai, Pakistan is more like chai with extra cardamom. You get the picture.

Now, what do you get when you add humor to this spicy mix of history and rivalry? India vs. Pakistan jokes are a genre unto itself! Like the cricket matches between the two nations, these jokes can spark household debates, WhatsApp wars, and even trigger the “angry” emoji from your most patriotic auntie. From jabs at political leaders to playful pokes at cricket players, these jokes serve as a lighter avenue for the two nations to engage in verbal sparring without the diplomatic fallout. After all, sometimes you need a laugh to keep from crying, or in this case, to prevent an international incident. Let’s call it “peacekeeping via punchlines,” shall we?

Best India vs. Pakistan Jokes

What’s a weird fact about the India and Pakistan cricket match?
Two countries with water shortages are praying for the rain to stay away.

Did you hear about the HumorNama editor who got punched twice for making a dad joke?
Once in India, and another in Pakistan. It was Pun Jab.

An American mistakes a Hindu from India as a Muslim from Pakistan
Indian guy goes “Excuse me, sir, you seem to have mistaken me for a Muslim from Pakistan. I belong to 711 not 911.”

India and Pakistan are on the brink of war, both nations are vowing to destroy each other.
Talk about your classic win, win for the Brits.

Indian Army has arrested a pigeon – on suspicion of being a Pakistani spy.
Apparently, he was trying to stage a coo.

What’s the difference between Indians and Pakistanis?
When a Pakistani has a red dot on his forehead it means he has about two seconds to live.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.
Soon enough, he got hungry.
“Hey, I’m going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?” He asked the Pakistanis.
The man to his right said he would like a Coke.
“Of course.” said the Indian.
“After all, Indians and Pakistanis are Brothers!”
When the Indian went to get the coke, the man who asked for the Coke spit in one of his shoes.
Once the Indian came back, the guy to his left asked him for another Coke. He happily obliged. While he was gone, the man spit in his other shoe.
Soon enough, the Indian returned, with the Coke, of course. After everyone had settled down, and the Pakistanis had had half their Cokes, the Indian put his legs in his shoes and sighed.
“How long will we keep doing this, brothers? Spitting in each other’s shoes, pissing in each other’s Cokes?”

Recommended: Indian Jokes

What is the difference between disaster and catastrophe?
If a plane flying from Lahore to Delhi carrying a hundred Pakistanis crashes mid-air, then it is a disaster. If it lands safely, it is a catastrophe.

Why doesn’t Pakistan have an Olympic squad?
Because everyone who can run, swim, or jump, is trying to cross the Indian Border.

There is a Pakistan-India match happening in Lahore, and Sardarji comes to visit Lahore. His mother warns him that the shopkeepers in Lahore are ruthless, they charge twice as much, so he should always haggle aggressively.
Anyhoo, so Sardarji crosses Wagha and checks into a hotel a day from the match. The problem is, the hotel loo has no lota, and he can’t seem to get one from the reception, so he says to himself, “What the hell, I will just go buy one.”
So he goes to the shopkeeper and asks how much a lota is.
The shopkeeper says, “50 Rupees.”
Sardarji remembers his mother’s advice, so he says, “I will give you 25.”
The shopkeeper says, “That’s too low! I will offer you 40.”
Sardarji says, “I will give only 20.”
The Shopkeeper says, “Not a paisa less than 30!”
The Sardarji says, “Not a paisa more than 15!”
The shopkeeper is surprised by the aggressive negotiations, so he says, “Sardarji since you have come as a tourist, as a token of friendship, I will just give it to you for free.”
Sardarji thinks for a moment, then says, “I want two!”

A match between India and Pakistan in an ICC tournament is going to happen.
There is enthusiasm among the cricket fans of both the countries. On the other hand,
all the TVs are trembling due to fear of breaking.

A Pakistani soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says, “Are you crazy? You just joined the Pakistani army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!”
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Indian tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, “How did you do it?”
“Well, I jumped in a tank and went toward the border with the Indians. I approached the border and saw an Indian tank. I put my white flag up, the Indian tank put his white flag up. I said to the Indian soldier, ‘Do you want to get a 3-day pass?’ So we exchanged tanks!”

India and Pakistan calling each other out.
Kashmir Outside!

A group 3 Pakistanis and a group 3 Indians were all heading to the Cricket World Cup via Train. Upon entering the train the Indian group saw the Pakistanis just pay for a single while they bought 3 individual tickets.
When the conductor came along the Indians saw that all 3 Pakistanis quickly filed into the bathroom. The conductor knocked on the door and asked for the ticket. A single hand came out and handed him the ticket. Observing this the Indians decided to try it on their return trip.
On the return trip, the Indians bought a single ticket and the same group of Pakistanis bought no ticket at all! When the conductor came along the 3 Pakistanis filed into one bathroom while the 3 Indians filed into another.
Then one Pakistani came out of the bathroom knocked on the door of the Indian’s bathroom and asked, “Ticket please!”

Recommended: Punjabi Jokes

Some infiltrators were caught in Kashmir.
When interrogated, they say, “There is no light in Pakistan sir, we were coming to watch the match!”

An insect falls into a mug of beer.
Englishman: Throws his mug away and walks out.
American: Takes the insect out and drinks the beer.
Chinese: Eats the insect and throws the beer away.
Indian: Sells the beer to the American, insect to the Chinese, and gets a fresh beer for himself.
Pakistani: Accuses the Indian of putting the insect in his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for Military aid, and gets a loan from the American to buy another beer. He then moves to England and claims benefits.

A large group of Pakistani soldiers are moving down a road when they hear an Indian voice call from behind a sand dune.
“One Indian Army soldier is better than ten Pakistanis.” The Pakistani commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice then calls out, “One Indian Army soldier is better than fifty Pakistanis.” Furious, the Pakistani commander sends his next best 50 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences.
After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The Indian voice calls out again, “One Indian Army soldier is better than one hundred Pakistanis.” The enraged Pakistani Commander musters one hundred of his best fighters and sends them across the dune. Gunfire, grenades, machine gun fire, rockets, etc. ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually, one wounded Pakistani fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his Commander, “Don’t send any more men, its a trap…there’s two of them!”

A few Indian pilots went to Russia for the training of modern MiG-27 aircraft.
Russian instructor:
Press this button to takeoff.
Press this button to turn the plane right.
Press this button to turn the plane left.
Pressing this button to go up.
At the end of the training, Indian pilots stood up and asked, “But how will we bring the plane down?”
The instructor took a deep breath and said, “Do not worry about it, and leave this job to Pakistan!”

An Indian and a Pakistani farmer are neighbors.
One day, a chicken from the Indian’s farm lays an egg on the Pakistani’s farm. The two farmers argue about who the egg belongs to since it was the Indian’s chicken but it was on the Pakistani’s farm. So they decide to have a contest of strength and tolerance to decide who keeps the egg.
Both farmers would take turns throwing a small stone at the other as hard as they could and the first to give up loses. The Indian goes first. He finds a stone and winds up staring the other farmer directly in his eyes and lets loose the stone with all his might. It strikes the Pakistani square in the head and he reels backward falling over. His head is in a daze but he stumbles to his feet for his turn.
He picks up a stone and winds up when the Indian says, “Wait! The egg’s all yours.”

An Indian man, a Pakistani man, and an English man walk into a maternity ward.
The doctor tells them there’s been a mix up and he doesn’t know who’s baby is who’s. The Indian man runs in grabs the only white baby and starts to walk out. The English man looks really confused and says “I’m pretty sure that’s not your baby, it looks white so it’s mine.”
The Indian man says, “I know, but there’s no chance I’m going to raise a damn Pakistani.”

Recommended: Paki Jokes

Once, an Indian and a Pakistani were chit-chatting. The Pakistani asks the Indian, “How do you treat your thieves?”
The Indian said, “Put them in jail, show them compassion, and provide them every comfort in jail. What do you guys do?”
“That’s nothing,” the Pakistani replied, “we offer them the Prime Ministership.”

Do you have an India vs. Pakistan joke? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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