60 Dirty Chuck Norris Jokes for Naughty Adults

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Jessica Amlee

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Chuck Norris, a martial arts legend and internet icon, is known for more than just his roundhouse kicks. He’s the star of countless jokes, each more outlandish than the last. These tales turn the impossible into the hilarious, painting Norris as a larger-than-life character. But there’s a special category that takes the humor even further with Dirty Chuck Norris Jokes.

Dirty Chuck Norris Jokes are where the humor is as bold as Norris himself. These aren’t your usual jokes; they’re like his beard – rough but powerful. They show a different, humorously exaggerated side of Norris, reminding us that even heroes can have a funny side. They make us wonder, can Chuck Norris keep a straight face when faced with Dirty Chuck Norris Jokes? The gauntlet is thrown!

Adult Chuck Norris Jokes

  1. Each of Chuck Noris’ balls is bigger than the other.
  2. Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his balls because hair can’t grow on steel.
  3. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.
  4. Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the sh*t out of it.
  5. Chuck Norris has a huge pile of dead ninjas in his backyard. He calls it “Brokeback Mountain”.
  6. Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands. Now they’re just called ‘the Islands’.
  7. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
  8. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
  9. It took 9 women 4 years to give birth to Chuck Norris.
  10. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he only holds air hostage.
  11. Chuck Norris’s d*ck has an elbow.
  12. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear condoms. There’s no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
  13. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  14. Chuck Norris always has s*x on top because Chuck Norris never f*cks up.
  15. After a long discussion, it was decided to nuke Hiroshima instead of dropping Chuck Norris onto the city, because it was deemed more humane.
  16. Chuck Norris once got an erection while walking down a busy street. There were no survivors.
  17. Once Chuck Norris threw a grenade and 50 people died, then the grenade exploded.
  18. Chuck Norris can eat a charcoal briquette and sh*t a diamond.
  19. They tried making chuck norris toilet paper but it wouldn’t take sh*t from anyone.
  20. Someone once gave Chuck Norris the finger. He still has it.

Recommended: Best Chuck Norris Jokes

  1. Chuck Norris slept with a hooker. When they were done, she paid him.
  2. Chuck Norris swallowed a Rubik’s Cube and sh*t it solved.
  3. Chuck Norris was ambushed by terrorists with a $5,000,000 ransom. If the money wasn’t paid within 24 hours, the terrorists would be beheaded.
  4. Chuck Norris’ daughter lost her virginity. He got it back.
  5. Chuck Norris Once Jizzed in the Ocean. That’s why we have sperm whales.
  6. Chuck Norris got his wife pregnant during foreplay.
  7. Chuck Norris was born by his aunt because nobody dared to f*ck his mother.
  8. Chuck Norris walked into a feminist convention. Later he walked out with a sandwich and his shirt ironed.
  9. One time, the dinosaurs pissed off Chuck Norris… One time.
  10. Chuck Norris has been sentenced to death. The judge’s beheading will take place in 3 days.
  11. Who is harder than Chuck Norris? Mike Hock.
  12. If Chuck Norris were a woman, he wouldn’t get periods, he’d get exclamation points.
  13. Chuck Norris only goes to the ER when he has an erection that doesn’t last 4 hours
  14. When the N*zis received word that Chuck Norris was born they realized there was no hope and surrendered.
  15. Chuck Norris used to love launching paper planes, but he stopped it after September 11th, 2001.

Recommended: Adult Yo Mama Jokes

  1. Chuck Norris once gave a dirty look to a nuclear reactor. The reactor had a complete meltdown.
  2. Chuck Norris attacks sharks when he smells them bleed.
  3. Chuck Norris strangled a man with a cordless phone.
  4. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  5. After Chuck Norris first swam in the ocean, Arielle is known as a sea-woman.
  6. Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up. He only throws down.
  7. Chuck Norris once lost his left t*sticle. It’s now known as Jupiter.
  8. Chuck Norris is one hell of a matchmaker, he convinced a flood to hook up with a forest fire.
  9. The only plan B Chuck Norris ever had was clenched in his fist as he climbed out of his mother.
  10. Chuck Norris once went to a bathroom break in the middle of a football match now that is known as half time.
  1. Chuck Norris doesn’t hunt for his food, wild animals offer themselves to Chuck Norris.
  2. The Devil refuses to use an Ouija board out of fear of conjuring Chuck Norris.
  3. Chuck Norris avoids s*x because he will pleasure a partner to death and he only kills people who deserve it.
  4. When Chuck Norris was born, he spanked the doctor. Nobody spanks Chuck Norris.
  5. Chuck Norris has a huge pile of dead ninjas in his backyard. He calls it “Brokeback Mountain.”

Recommended: Adult Dad Jokes

  1. Chuck Norris’s favorite blood donation method is 2 buckets and a fragmentation grenade
  2. Chuck Norris beat AIDS…to a bloody pulp.
  3. Chuck Norris can’t go to hell. The devil still has a restraining order against him.
  4. The toilet clogs when Chuck Norris pisses.
  5. Chuck Norris once had s*x with an entire convent of nuns. 9 months later they gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated team in NFL history.
  6. Chuck Norris wasn’t born like a normal child. He shot his way out of the womb with a carbine. 3 seconds later, he grew a beard.
  7. Chuck Norris once wrestled an anaconda for 2 days before he realized he was m*sturbating.
  8. Chuck Norris challenged Lance Armstrong to a “Who has more t*sticles” contest. Chuck won by 5.
  9. Chuck Norris’s wife had a hysterectomy 40 years ago. She’s gotten pregnant every time they’ve had s*x since that day.
  10. Chuck Norris fakes org*sms because no woman can satisfy him….only Chuck Norris can get Chuck Norris off!

Do you have an adult joke about Chuck Norris? Write down the puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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