50 Funny Punjabi Jokes from The Land of Five Rivers

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Jessica Amlee


Punjabi jokes brim with the zest, vivacity, and warmth that are emblematic of Punjabi culture. These jests often highlight the melodious Punjabi language’s quirks, the robust food culture, and the spirited lifestyle that Punjab is known for. From their delectable butter chicken and butter naan, to their infectious exclamations of “oh teri, ae ki kitta” – we all have that indispensable Punjabi friend in our lives whose presence is simply irreplaceable.

They might even feature a playful nod to the ‘Punjabiyan di battery’—a phrase epitomizing the relentless energy and enthusiasm of Punjabis. Yet, as these jokes bring smiles, they also offer an insight into the rich cultural fabric of Punjab. When sharing such humor, it’s crucial to do so with reverence for its cultural context, celebrating the vibrancy and vitality that Punjabis bring to India, Pakistan, Canada, the US, the UK, Australia, and the Gulf states.

Best Punjabi Jokes

Have you ever seen two Punjabi guys fighting?
It’s a Sikh fight.

Has anyone read the Indian Wordplay book?
It’s written in PUNjabi.

Husband: I think we should learn Punjabi.
Wife: Why?
Husband: We have adopted a Punjabi child. When he grows up and learns to talk, we won’t understand what he’s saying.

What do you call a Punjabi fellow stuck in the middle of a shark-filled ocean?
Amandeep trouble.

Who’s the greatest rapper of all time?
Some might say B.I.G., ‘Pac, Snoop, Em, but really, nobody can beat a Punjabi Cleric. They’re the ones who drop the Sikhist rhymes.

Did you hear about the Punjabi polymath who makes flatbread for a living?
He’s a jack of all trades, master of naan.

Once Pakistan suddenly launched a war against India. An army of 100,000 Pakistanis came near a small border post in Punjab. This border post had only 10 soldiers.
The Pakistani General announced over the loudspeaker, “Indians, you’re surrounded and outnumbered. Surrender to us now!”
The Indian general was a Punjabi. He replied over the loudspeaker, “We are not afraid. We will not surrender.”
The Pakistani General said, “We have 100,000 soldiers. You have only 10. Do you really want to fight?”
Punjabi said, “Please wait a minute. Let me make a call.” He then took out his mobile and talked for 2 minutes over the phone. Then he announced to the Pakistanis, “Okay, we don’t want to fight now.”
The Pakistani General laughed and said, “Hahaha! What happened? Looks like you’re afraid.”
The Punjabi replied, “Umm… No.. we are not afraid. I just called the local gurdwara. Jathedar ji said they don’t have enough food to feed 100,000 prisoners of war.”

What do you call a Punjabi with an accent like Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Did you know that the most common French name is Punjabi?

Banta: Can you tell me what Ford is?
Santa: Sure! It’s a gadee (motor car).
Banta: Tell me what is Oxford.
Santa: Sure, sure! Oxford is baiyl di gaadi (bullock cart).

What is Tinder called in Punjab?

Recommended: Indian Jokes

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It’s already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

A cop stops a Sardarji for a routine drunken driving check-up and asks, “Any drugs? Alcohol?”
Sardarji replied, “Thanks very much Sirji – but I am already well-stocked.”

One day, Sardarjee finds a monkey on the street and being a good citizen, promptly takes it to the police station to report it.
The officer on Duty tells Sardarjee to take the monkey to the zoo.
The next day, the officer spots Sardarjee with the same monkey at a bus stop.
The officer said, “Didn’t you take the monkey to the zoo?”
The Sardar said, “Yes, I did, we had a lot of fun. Even had ice cream. Today I am taking him to the cinema.”

A man wakes up one morning to find that he’s grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban….
He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.
The man calls his boss and says, “Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out.”
The boss replies,” So what are you saying?”
The man says, “I’m calling in Sikh.”

What do you call an insult from an Indian man in a Turban?
A Sikh Burn.

How does one know that he/she is Punjabi?
You know too many many guys named ‘Happy.’

The Punjab government, announces that every married couple will receive 100,000 rupees for every child they have, as a sort of relief check.
Amanpreet, a poor man with 7 kids, hears this announcement.
He tells his wife, “O wife, we have 7 kids, and we will receive 700,000 rupees from the government”
“Indeed”, she replies back.
“How would you like it, if instead of 700,000 rupees, I get our family 900,000 instead”
“That would be wonderful! But how will you do that? We only have 7 children.”
“Well, actually, I need to tell you something”, confesses the husband, “I have a mistress, whom I kept secret from you, and I have 2 children with her. If I go and get those 2, and add them to the 7 I have with you, it makes 9!”
“Wonderful, then we will finally be able to buy that new car!”
“Exactly”, replies the husband.
He goes and gets his 2 children from his mistress. Upon returning he gets ready to leave with all 9 of his children. He is counting heads when he suddenly realizes, “One, two…. six, seven-? Hey honey two of our kids are missing! Where did they go?”
“Why are you surprised, honey? After all, you weren’t the only one that heard the announcement.”

What do you call a Punjabi dubstep artist from Bilbao?
Sikh Basque.

Recommended: India vs Pakistan Jokes

How do you know someone is a real Punjabi?
He/she likes his/her Thanksgiving Turkey better with Tandoori Chicken Masala.

An Indian man was relaxing on a beach shore in America when someone walked by and asked “Hey, you relaxing?” The man, not knowing what relaxing meant, replied, “No, I am Jagdeep Singh.” After an hour, another person walked by, asking if he was relaxing again, and he replied with the same answer. “No, I am Jagdeep Singh.”
Again, after an hour, another person walked by and asked if he was relaxing. He replied again with, “No, I am Jagdeep Singh.” When he decided it was time to go, he walked a bit down the shore to the care park where he parked his car. On the way there, he saw someone sitting on the shore like he was.
He asked the person who was relaxing, “Are you Relak Singh?”
The person replied, “Yes, I am relaxing.” The Jagdeep replied, “You idiot, everyone is going crazy looking for you!”

How many guys wearing turbans does it take to change a light bulb?

Banta said to Santa, “I have invented a new kind of computer that behaves like a human being.”
“In what way?” asked Santa.
“Whenever it makes a mistake,” replied Banta, “it blames other computers.”

Why are there so many hospitals in the Punjab?
Nearly everyone is Sikh.

A Punjabi paratrooper’s mother has a dream that his son’s parachute doesn’t open and he falls to his death. She pleads with him to not go to work today. He says, “Maa! I can’t just not turn up, it’s the army after all. I will however request my sergeant to spare me the jump today.”
As planned he asks his sergeant but the sergeant wants the real reason. Reluctantly he tells him the whole issue about the bad omen of his mother’s dream.
The sergeant said, “I can’t relieve you of your duty but just to prove that this is just nonsense to believe in dreams in this day and age. I am going to swap my parachute with you.”
When the Punjabi guy jumps, he nervously pulls on the shute cord. To his relief parachute opens just fine. He is happily floating slowly in the air, thinking he was stupid to believe in all this dream stuff.
Till he feels something shoot by him at a very high speed like a missile from above. He couldn’t understand what that was till he hears a voice lag saying, “YOUR MUM IS A C*NT!”

What do you call rapping root vegetables from the Indian State of Punjab?
Sikh beets.

Two turbaned Punjabies Kuldip and Jagdip went to Paris and made friends with a young Frenchman named Jean Paul.
For several weeks these two stooges went everywhere Jean Paul went. One day Jean Paul went missing. These two looked everywhere for days but could not find Jean Paul. So they went to the Police and reported that Jean Paul is missing.
Policeman: Can you describe your friend Jean Paul?
Kuldip: He is fair, tall, and handsome.
The policeman: All Frenchmen are fair, tall, and handsome.
Jagdip: He has blue eyes.
Policeman: All Frenchmen have blue eyes. Is there something specific in Jean Paul?
Kuldip: Ah we remember now. He has two assholes.
Policeman: That’s a good clue. How do you know that he has two a**holes? Jagdip and Kuldip: Because whenever we go somewhere with Jean Paul, his friends say, ‘Here comes Jean Paul with two a**holes.’

Where can you find 6 easily?
Punjab, India.

Once Khushwant Singh was travelling from Mumbai to Toronto. A woman sitting next seat continued looking at him. He understood that this lady had never seen a Sardar before.
Midway into the flight when the tea and snacks were served, he struck up a conversation with the lady. Her name was Margarita and she belonged to Spain. During the conversation, she asked, “What are you?” He replied, “I am Sikh.” “I am sorry,” said the young lady, “hope you get well soon.” To this, he replied, “No dear, I am not sick as that of the body, I am Sikh as of religion.”
The lady was very pleased and shook hands with me and said, “It is nice meeting you, I am also sick of religion.”

What do you call a Sikh on a tightrope?
Balan Singh.

A Pathan is being interviewed at U.S. Embassy.
Consulate: Your name, please?
Pathan: Gul Khan.
Consulate: Sex?
Pathan: Ten to twelve times a week.
Consulate: I mean male or female?
Pathan: Both male/female & sometimes Camels too.
Consulate: You seem Ugly!
Pathan: Tes Ugly & Pichhli both sides.
Consulate: Freaky Ass!
Pathan: Yes sometimes free ki ass sometimes have to pay.
Consulate: Man are you hostile?
Pathan: Horse style, dog style any style.
Consulate: Oh dear.
Pathan: Deer? No deer they run very fast.

Banta sent an SMS to his pregnant wife.
Less than a minute later, the report came on his phone and he started dancing. The report said, “Delivered.”

Santa and Banta met on a village road. Santa was carrying a large gunny bag over his shoulder.
“Oye, Santa,” hailed Banta, “what is in the bag?”
“Murgiyan – Chickens,” came the reply.
“If I guess how many, can I have one?” asked Banta
“You can have both of them.”
“OK,” said Banta, “five.”

How can Santa kill a lion?
Santa thinks and thinks hard and comes to the conclusion, “I’ll drink poison and let the lion eat me.”

Each Friday night after work, Sardar would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Sardar and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Sardar attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic.”
Sardar’s neighbors were greatly relieved until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Sardar’s backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Sardar, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted, “Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised a chicken and you were raised a lamb but now you are a potato and tomato.”

After knee replacement, the Orthopaedic surgeon said to his patient, “You will have to use walker for a few days after surgery.”
Punjabi replied, “Ok, will Johnny Walker be okay?”

Pathan sends his neighbor, Santa Singh an SMS.
A Pathan sends a text to his next-door neighbor who happens to be Santa Singh
“Salam Mr Singh, Sorry yaar. I am ashamed and I have to tell you something. Hope you will forgive me: I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at my house. I can’t live with the guilt any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology. It won’t happen again.”
Santa grabs his double barrel, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.
Moments later Santa gets a second text that says, “O Maafi (sorry)! Typo.. That should be ‘wifi.’”

Why was the Punjabi standing outside his boss’s cabin with a bunch of underwear in a basket?
His boss told him to debrief his team and meet him in 15 mins.

During sex, Santa suddenly stops & remains motionless.
The wife asked, “What the hell are you doing?”
Santa replied, “I have seen this on youtube, its called Buffering!”

Why was the Sikh man in the hospital?
He wasn’t just Sikh, he was turbanally ill.

In a crowded New York City at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a burly Indian Sardar who was standing behind her picked her up effortlessly by the waist and placed her gently on the steps of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the Good Samaritan and screeched, “How dare you touch me! I don’t even know who you are!”
The Sardarji smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my jeans three times, I kinda figured we were friends.”

What’s your favorite game if you wear a turban?

A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario, Canada, and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn’t like Sardars.
The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec hunting license, boy?”
The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Quebec duck. This duck’s from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?”
The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Manitoba duck. This duck here’s from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia hunting license?”
Again the Sardar reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.
The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Sardar, “Just where the hell are you from?”
The Sardar smiled, turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said, “You tell me, you’re the expert.”

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because the Punjabi ate it.

Santa & Banta both lost their wives and were searching for them when they bumped into each other. “Where are you hurrying to?” asked Banta
“I lost my wife!”
“Really? Even mine. How did yours look like?”
“Hmm… She was tall, slim, had huge t*ts, sexy soft and sweet a**, she was wearing a mini skirt at last, What about you?”
“Forget mine let’s search for yours!” replied Banta.

How do you know someone is Punjabi?
He/she values Green card more than Ration card.

Juan, a prison warden, decided a group of Sikhs (4 or 5 of them) should be released for good behavior.
The occasion was mentioned in the newspaper: “Juan to free four, five Sikhs.”

Why should you believe it when a Punjabi says he can’t come out of his house?
He may have washed his hair.

Do you have a better Punjabi joke? Write down your own Punjabi puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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