Apple pie has been part of family dinners for so many years that nobody stops to ask why people get so serious about the last slice. One moment the kitchen is filled with that warm, sweet smell, and the next moment, someone is standing near the pie, ready to protect it with a fork. Even the people who claim they are completely full suddenly change their minds when apple pie appears on the table. Somehow, that flaky crust and gooey apple filling can turn a quiet evening into a full dessert battle.
That is exactly why apple pie jokes are still so popular. The moment apple pie comes up in a story, people already know something funny is about to happen. One pie can lead to stolen slices, messy kitchens, and family members searching for whoever grabbed the biggest piece. Apple pie jokes are fun because they take an ordinary dessert and turn it into the kind of kitchen chaos everyone recognizes.
Best Apple Pie Jokes
How many apples does it take to make an apple pie?
3.14.
They were selling 1/2 an apple pie at Walmart.
We gotta just stick to Whole Foods.
Two apples are in a pie in the oven.
The first one says disapprovingly to his friend,
“This isn’t what I had in mind when you asked, ‘Do you wanna get baked?’”
What do you get if you put an iPhone in the oven?
Apple Pie.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“On my walk over here, I saw an apple pie, a melted chocolate sundae, and a piece of cake all lying scattered along the side of the road,” the guy tells the bartender. “The streets are oddly desserted tonight.”
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
But an apple pie a day will put his kids through college.
One slice of apple pie now costs about $3.15 in Jamaica. A slice costs around $4.85 in Trinidad, and the same slice goes for nearly $5.75 in Barbados.
And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.
Why is it so difficult to work at an apple pie factory?
Because they have such a high turnover rate!
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 apple pies in the other, what do you have?
Very big hands.
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A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?”
“He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replied. “He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.”
How do you find the circumference of a Granny Smith?
You use apple pie.
A popular song points out a good place to measure the weight of an apple pastry.
“Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie.”
An old man is dying, with his young grandson by his bedside. He asks his grandson to lean over and whispers, “Johnny, I smell your grandma’s apple pie. Looks like she took it out of the oven. Go to the kitchen and bring me a piece. It’s my favorite.”
Johnny gets up and leaves. 2 minutes later, he comes back empty-handed and says, “Sorry, grandpa, but grandma says it’s for after the funeral.”
Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.
Then both of us are in A La mode.
Why did the apple pie go to the dentist?
Because it needed a filling!
What did the fairy folk tell their kid when he ate his apple pie too fast?
“Stop goblin your dessert.”
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What do you get when you cross a train engine with an apple pie?
Puff pastry.
A man has recently immigrated to a new land where he doesn’t speak the language. His fellow workers take him to lunch every day. One of them teaches him to order Apple Pie and Coffee for himself. For weeks, this is all he orders.
Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee.
Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee.
Night, Apple Pie, and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.
Waitress: “Hiya hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?”
Man (smiling proudly): “Steak and Eggs!”
Waitress: “Oh! Changing it up today! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well?”
Man: “… Apple Pie and Coffee.”
Why doesn’t God like apple pie?
Because he’s not real.
What was Steve Jobs’ least favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover, he loved a big piece of that pie.
When is a good time to eat apple pie?
3:14 is the pie time!
What did the apple pie say after Thanksgiving?
“Good-pie, everyone.”
Why did the apple pie get fired from his job?
Because he showed up baked.
What is an Egyptian apple pie?
The kind mummy used to make.
A man sat down for a three-course meal in a restaurant.
First, the waitress brought him a bowl of soup, but he couldn’t help noticing that her finger was sticking in the soup.
Next, she brought him chicken supreme, but again, he noticed that her finger was sticking in the sauce.
Finally, for dessert, he ordered hot apple pie, and once again, her finger was sticking in his food.
“Look!” he said in exasperation, “I wasn’t going to mention it, but every time you serve me, your finger is stuck in my food.”
“Yes, I’m sorry about that,” said the waitress, “but you see, my finger has an infection. My doctor says I need to keep it in a warm, moist place.”
Disgusted, the customer snapped: “Well, why don’t you stick it up your nose?!”
The waitress replied: “Where do you think I’ve been putting it when I’m in the kitchen?”
Who was the pie’s favorite pop star?
Apple Pie Spice.
What do ghosts like to have with their apple pie?
I scream.
Why did the apple pie cry?
Its peelings were hurt.
Who led all the apples to the bakery?
The Pie Piper.
What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?
Apple Pi.
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily, she asked, “If you had 4 Apple Pies and I asked for one, how many would you have left?”
Quickly, he replied, “If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4.”
Which dessert do they serve at the King’s castle?
Apple pie a la moat.
If it took six kids one hour to eat all the apple pies in the bakery, how many hours would it take three kids?
None because the six kids ate them all already.
What do you get when you cross an apple pie with a Christmas tree?
Pineapple pie.
A man walks into a bar with an apple pie on his head. The barman asks, “Why are you wearing an apple pie on your head?” The man replies, “It’s a family tradition. We always wear apple pies on our heads on Tuesday.” The barman remarks, “But it’s Wednesday.”
Sheepishly, the man says, “Man, I must look like a real fool.”
What did one slice of apple pie say to the other?
“You’re my better half!”
What’s the best thing to put into a slice of apple pie?
Your teeth.
Why did the apple pie join the circus?
It loved all the apple-ause.
Do you have a funnier Apple Pie joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
