Our Joke blogs are a place where people can scroll through all kinds of jokes, from quick one-liners to odd punchlines that make you stop and reread them. A lot of visitors keep coming back because the jokes are short, easy to share, and perfect for passing time with friends. Some jokes get instant laughs, while others leave people sitting there wondering what they just read.
Unfunny jokes are entertaining in a completely different way because the reactions are often funnier than the joke itself. They create awkward pauses, loud groans, and confused expressions that somehow make everyone laugh anyway. Even when a punchline fails badly, people still end up talking about it later, which is probably why unfunny jokes never really disappear.
Very Unfunny Jokes
What’s so good about Soviet Ubers?
They’re always Russian.
“Can you call me a taxi?”
“You’re a taxi.”
Where do you go after high school?
Home.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Jessica.
(Jessica who?)
Jessica proceeds to break into tears from his grandmother’s Alzheimer’s has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
What month was the army invented in?
March.
When is the best day to cook?
Friday.
What is Satan’s favorite New York neighborhood?
Hell’s Kitchen.
Why was the programmer arrested on charges of organ harvesting?
He performed an illegal operation.
Two Mexicans are walking through the desert. They’re starving, dehydrated, and in desperate need of help.
They reach the top of a sand dune and see in the distance an oasis; not only is there a pond for them to get water from, but there’s a tree. It’s no ordinary tree growing fruit, but instead it has branches laden with sausages, bacon, and other porky products.
One Mexican says to the other, “Ah! Jose! We are saved! There is water and a bacon tree! If we make it there, we will live!”
So they start walking towards their bacon tree saviour when they are cut down by a line of machine gun fire. In his dying breath, the Mexican says, “Alas, Jose, I was mistaken, it was not a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.”
What’s Mozart doing right now?
Decomposing.
Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long?
Because if it were 12 it would be a foot.
Where do nerdy astronauts hang out?
On the dork side of the moon.
What’s a candle’s favorite Keanu Reeves movie?
John Wick.
An office worker came late to bring donuts to his coworkers.
His boss told him, “It dozen’t matter doughn’t do it again’.
Did you hear about the astronaut who brought a tick to space?
He was a lunatick.
Two friends walk up to a golden wishing well.
Friend 1: “You should throw a quarter into that golden wishing well.”
Friend 2: “Eh, Midas well.”
What kind of ox cannot tend fields?
Clorox.
Have you seen the new streaming show about pickle making?
It’s called Netflix and Dill.
Why does the English not trust the German?
Because Deutschlandlied.
How much is twelve units of mass?
Dozen Matter.
What was the most densely populated part of New York City called when it was young?
Boyhattan.
Why do programmers wear glasses?
Because they can’t C+
What is the most pathetic kind of shape?
Rektangles.
Why do communists only write in lowercase?
Because they don’t know how capitalism works.
A caveman and a bear walk into a bar.
Bartender: “What’s your story?”
Caveman: “Bear with me.”
They stare at each other for a moment.
Bartender: “What’s with the pause?”
Bear: “Oh, I was born with them.”
What’s a DNA molecule’s favorite game?
GTA.
Why don’t pirates drive in the mountains?
‘Scurvy.
Wanna hear something funny?
Quarantine, actually, you wouldn’t understand it’s an inside joke.
Why did the window go to the hospital?
He had pane.
Earth is the third planet from the sun.
This means all our problems are third-world problems.
Why is it so hard to tell twin octopi apart?
They look i-tentacle to each other.
What would you call Trackmania but with only trucks?
Truckmania.
A Swede, a Norwegian, and a Finnish walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, “What can I get for you?”
One just wants some meatballs, one responds in low guttural sounds, and the other no one can find.
What is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30.
Anyone have any tips about how to make friends?
… Asking for a friend.
A large, dedicated networking computer walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him, “Can I help you?”
The computer replies, “The sign in the window says you’re looking for a server.”
Why did the picture get arrested?
He was framed.
What do you call a clown that explodes when you step on it?
A land mime.
Why do Americans like Rubik’s cubes?
They’re really good at separating colors.
What do you call a fat Irishman?
O’Bese.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm
One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?”
The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What’s the worst crime you can commit in a river?
Grand Theft Otter.
Someone recently told me that being $50,000 dollars in credit card debt was a bad thing.
If it is such a bad thing, why does my bank say “outstanding balance” below it?!
What did the priest say to his congregation of salad greens?
“Lettuce pray.”
Wanna hear a bad joke?
Too bad.
What does a plane say when it bounces off the ground?
“Boeing.”
What gives you the power to see and walk through walls?
Doors.
Why did the liar cross the road?
He didn’t; he lied.
What did the chicken say when it went into a library?
“Book book!”
What’s red and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket.
What’s blue and looks like a bucket?
A red bucket in disguise.
What does a drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two.
Ham and Eggs walk into a bar.
And the bartender goes, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
What kind of computer can sing?
A Dell.
Why did the fat man blame the moon for eating all his food?
The moon was full.
What do you call a skeleton who conquers Europe?
Napoleon Bonyparts!
Why did the Fireman leave his job?
He got fired.
What do you call killing someone using ice?
First degree murder.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A CAN’T opener!
Why is the dragon the luckiest of the Chinese zodiac?
Because it’s the only animal that the Chinese can’t eat.
What do you call a steak that’s also a knight?
Sir Loin.
A pirate walks into a bar, the bartender asks, “Hey, do you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?”
And the pirate responds, “Arrr, it’s driving me nuts.”
What’s a butcher’s favorite app?
Meatup.
Three men walk into a bar, the fourth man ducked.
What do you call a boy who’s in bed?
Himalayan.
Did you know that in South Africa, there is a crocodile that can jump higher than the average house?
This is due to its powerful back legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.
What do you call a reptile made entirely out of feces?
A turd-le.
What happens if you can’t pay for expensive underwear?
You get Calvin Declined.
Why do dart boards on the ceiling make you sick?
They make you throw up.
What’s big, white, and can’t climb a tree?
A refrigerator.
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar.
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch?
Names.
How many bones are in a human hand?
A handful.
Two horses were fighting over a hay bale.
It was the last straw.
Why do trees have so many friends?
They branch out!
What did the self-doubting wheat farmer say when he got a headache?
“Migraines are the worst.”
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a plant that has BOTH eyes and ears?
A faceplant.
How is imitation like a plateau?
They’re both the highest form of flattery.
What did the cobbler say when a cat got into his shop?
“SHOE!”
A Roman Soldier walks into a bar.
Raises two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”
I tried putting together a professional Hide and Seek team once,
But good players are hard to find.
Why don’t dogs go into space?
They’re afraid of the vacuum.
Want to hear a joke about pizza?
Actually, it’s too cheesy.
How about a construction joke?
Nvm I’m still working on it.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Really, really big hands, you freak!
What did sushi A say to sushi B?
WASABIIIIIII!!!!!
If girls wear bras, then what do guys wear?
Bros.
Why don’t some people want universal healthcare?
They thought it would cover martians.
How much smaller was Europe after Brexit?
1GB.
Where do overweight people go when they die?
Heavyn.
Why can’t teenage girls understand any math except odd numbers?
Because they literally can’t even…
Do you have a more Unfunny joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
