25 Funny Mince Pie Jokes for a Slice of Christmas Fun

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Jessica Amlee

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Mince pies are a traditional sweet treat often enjoyed during the Christmas season, particularly in the United Kingdom and some other Commonwealth countries. These small pies are filled with mincemeat – a mixture of chopped dried fruit, spices, and sometimes distilled spirits like brandy. Despite the name, mincemeat nowadays typically doesn’t contain any meat, though historically it did. Mince pies are a staple of festive feasting, with their rich, spiced flavour encapsulating the essence of Christmas. 

But one thing is certain: mince pies are much more than a dessert. They’re a great way to start a discussion, a subject of family argument (raisins or no raisins? ), and, most significantly, an ideal setting for some genuinely corny jokes.

Mince pie jokes, a custom as old as the pie itself, can elicit both moans and eye rolls. They’re formulaic, clichéd, and frequently rely on puns that are so awful they’re funny. So, the next time you’re looking at a plate of mince pies, remember that there’s more to these seasonal sweets than meets the eye. 

Best Mince Pie Jokes

Why didn’t Santa get any mince pies on Christmas?
Because it was stollen.

An apple pie in Jamaica is £2.00, a cherry pie in Barbados is £2.50 and a mince pie in Trinidad is £3.00.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

“We have a problem – your vegan aunt’s moaning about the mince pies I asked you to get. Where did you buy them?”
“The butcher’s.”

Who’s going to be working at MI5 this Christmas?
Mince Spies.

Why didn’t the mince pie cross the road?
It was too busy being the star of the Christmas dinner!

Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
(Arthur who?)
Arthur any mince pies left?!

Why did the mince pie go to school?
Because it wanted to be a smart cookie!

Yo mama so stupid, she thought a mince pie was a jellybean flavour.

Why was the mince pie upset?
Because everyone was desserting it.

What do mathematicians make for Christmas?
Mince πs.

Recommended: Christmas Maths Jokes

A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting and was well ahead of the field.
His horse rounded the final corner when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.
He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence.
With great skill, he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run-in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. Thus distracted, he succeeded in coming only second.
He immediately went to the race stewards to complain that he had been seriously hampered…

Why did the mince pie go to therapy?
It had too many layers of emotion.

Why did the mince pie stop using meat?
It wanted to sweeten its image.

What’s the difference between mincemeat and pea soup?
You can mince meat.

Why couldn’t you eat any mince pies after Christmas dinner?
Because −164\sqrt {\frac{-1}{64}}64−1​​.

Why don’t mince pies make good secrets?
Because they always spill the beans!

Jacob was preparing minced pie for Christmas.
Jacob: Is it ‘mince meat’ or ‘minced meat’?
Neighbour: What? Did you find my cat or not?
Jacob: I’m getting to that!

What did one mince pie say to the other?
“Did you mince me?!”

Recommended: Funny Pie Jokes

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.

A mince pie walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food.”

Santa went to the doctor’s clinic.
He had a mince pie stuck up his a*se. The doctor took one look at it and said, “No worries, I can give you some cream for that.”

How do you get a mince pie to sleep?
Sing it a lulla-pie!

If cumming inside someone is called a Cream Pie, what it means when gays do it?
It’s a Mince Pie.

Do you have a funny joke about mince pie? Write down the puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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