Here are the 20 easy steps to cook a Turkey:
1. Go and buy a turkey.
2. Take a drink of whisky (scotch or bourbon).
3. Put turkey in the oven.
4. Take another two drinks of whisky.
5. Set the degree at 180 ovens.
6. Take three more whiskies of drink.
7. Turn oven the on.
8. Take four whisks of drinky.
9. Turk the bastey.
10. Whisky another bottle of get.
11. Stick a turkey in the thermometer.
12. Glass yourself a pour of whisky.
13. Bake the whisky for four hours.
14. Take the oven out of the turkey.
15. Take the oven out of the turkey.
16. Floor the turkey up off the pick.
17. Turk the carvey.
18. Get yourself another scottle of botch.
19. Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.
20. Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

A Russian hunter goes into the woods one day to hunt for bears. He sees one from afar and slowly creeps up to him. He takes aim and fires. Bang. After the smoke clears out, the hunter is surprised to see that the bear is gone. The bear then appears behind him, tapping the hunter on the back.
The hunter then turns around and the bear gives him two options, he says, “No one takes a shot at me and gets away with it. I’m going to give you two options; one, you let me painfully and slowly rip you to shreds and eat you piece by piece, or two, you take off your pants, bend over, and let me have my way.” The hunter pulls down his trousers and the bear does his worst.
Afterward, the hunter hobbles back into the town. He buys a bigger gun and goes back into the woods. And it isn’t long before he sees the bear. He raises his gun and Bang, fires. After the smoke clears out, the bear is nowhere to be seen. “Got him,” the hunter thinks.
But a moment later, he feels another tap on the shoulder and the bear then says, You know what to do!” After the bear has done his worst, the hunter heads back into his town and buys an even bigger gun, a bazooka.
He goes back into the woods, he sees the bear, takes aim, and fires. Boom. But when the smoke clears, the hunter looks up to see the bear standing over him. And the bear says, “You’re not really in this for the hunting, are you?”