Every year on the 4th of July, families gather in backyards with hot dogs, burgers, and enough fireworks to make the neighbors wonder if they should call someone. Kids wave sparklers like magic wands, and uncles everywhere act like they’re professional pyrotechnicians. It’s loud, colorful, and smells faintly of barbecue sauce mixed with burnt hot dogs.
Right between the smoke and laughter comes the best part, 4th of July Dad Jokes. Dads lean back in their lawn chairs, ready to drop jokes so cheesy they could melt right onto the grill. Everyone groans, rolls their eyes, but deep down, they wouldn’t have it any other way. After all, it wouldn’t be the 4th without those legendary groan-worthy punchlines.
Best 4th of July Dad Jokes
The USA turns 249 years old this July 4th…
Which means that it will go back to being indivisible.
If Thanksgiving is for overeaters, what is July 4th for?
Pyromaniacs.
What’s so confusing about the 4th of July?
It is the only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
What did the LEGO people in the LEGO City neighborhood do for 4th of July?
They had a block party.
How many countries have a Fourth of July?
All of them.
Since it’s the Fourth of July, just told my daughters they were named after George Washington.
About 290 years after to be precise.
This 4th of July, the British should celebrate Independence Day too.
Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.
What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?
Tea-shirts.
Where did the first president keep his mice?
Mount Vermin!
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
On the bottom.
How come there aren’t any knock-knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
Recommended: 4th of July Jokes
Who was the funniest person in George Washington’s army?
Laughayette.
July 2nd, 1776,
South America: “Hey USA, you free tomorrow night?”
USA: “Fraid not mate, I can do the night after though.”
What do they call the 4th of July in nursing homes?
In Depends Day.
Just a friendly 4th of July reminder.
That absolutely no one is going to watch the videos of the fireworks you recorded on your phone.
Does Europe have a 4th of July?
Yes, it does. It comes right after the 3rd of July.
What happens when batteries and fireworks get arrested on the Fourth of July?
One gets charged while the other is lit off.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liber-tea.
On 4 July, what do you get when you put a photo of America in a locket?
Then it becomes in-da-pendant.
Every July 4th, I think about our constitutional rights.
When I get honey from a hive, I wear a short sleeve shirt. It’s my right to keep and bare arms!
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?
Dino-mite!
Recommended: 4th of July Memes
Why is the 4th of July special for Americans?
It is the day that they celebrate their freedom by sitting trapped in traffic jams for hours.
Which bakery should you go to on the Fourth of July?
The one that sells pastries with stars and stripes. The rest are just un-pastry-otic.
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
A duck family, Because it had a qwack in it!
What did the parrot say on Independence Day?
“Polly want a firecracker!”
Do not let the fact that today is July 4th distract you…
From the fact that England blew a 13-colony lead.
What do you call a ruckus in a 4th of July parade?
A pat-riotic parade.
Why was the math book unhappy on July 4th?
Because it had too many problems to be independent!
Why did the duck say bang?
Because he was a firequacker.
Just brought a date to the 4th of July party..
Really sweetened up the fruit salad.
What was the most popular dance in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Recommended: Firework Jokes
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can’t sit down.
Almost no one works in the US on the Fourth of July.
Except Fire. Fireworks on July 4th.
What is the best time to have a parade?
March.
Why is the 4th of July a comet’s favorite holiday?
Because it’s all stars and stripes.
This is ridiculous. It’s July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.
One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
What do you serve with cheese on Independence Day?
Fire crackers.
If you cross a patriot and a dog with curly hair, what do you get?
A Yankee Poodle.
Recommended: 4th of July Jokes for Kids
Did you hear about the campers’ fireworks display?
It was in-tents!
The difference between George Washington and a duck?
One has his face on a bill and the other has a bill on his face.
What did one American flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved.
Which flag is the most highly rated?
The American flag. It has 50 stars!
What’s an arsonist’s favorite holiday?
The 4th of July. Because fire works.
What ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of ’76.
What do our flag and a sad candy cane have in common?
They’re both red, white and blue.
Why did the firecracker go to the hair salon?
It needed to trim its bangs.
Recommended: BBQ Jokes
Do they have a 4th of July in England?
Yes. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th.
What’s Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?
Fire Cracker Jacks.
What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?
A Yankee Doodler.
Why were the first Americans like ants?
They lived in colonies.
Was the Declaration of Independence written in Philadelphia?
No, it was written in ink.
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
What is the most popular sport on the 4th of July?
Flag football.
What did the little firecracker say to the bigger firecracker?
“Hi, Pop!”
How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions!
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What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!
What did the firecracker eat at the movies?
Popcorn.
What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772?
The Boston Flea Party.
What did a patriot put on his dry skin?
Revo-lotion!
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up too!
What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker?
“My pop is bigger than your pop!”
What do you call an American drawing?
A Yankee doodle!
What rock group has four men but doesn’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Recommended: July Memes
Which colonists told the most jokes?
Punsylvanians!
What do you call a nuke that was launched on the 4th of July?
The wrong firework.
What is red, white, blue and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam.
What does the Statue of Liberty say when visitors leave?
“Stay in torch!”
Why did the American flag go to school?
Because it wanted to show its true colors.
How do Americans stay cool on the 4th of July?
They use liberty fans!
What do you eat on July 5th?
Independence Day-old pizza.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
“You stole my thunder!”
What did Luke Skywalker say on the 4th of July?
“May the 4th be with you!”
Recommended: Adult 4th of July Memes
Why did the corn on the cob go to the 4th of July parade?
Because it heard there would be a-maize-ing floats!
What was the wildest battle of the Revolutionary War?
The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
Why do Americans go to art school?
To draw freedom!
Did you hear about the firecracker that wouldn’t explode on the Fourth of July?
It refused.
Did you hear about the lost 4th of July dad joke?
It was a Founding Fathers joke.
Why don’t Americans play hide and seek?
Because freedom can’t be hidden!
Why should you research fireworks before purchasing them?
To get the most bang for your buck!
What did Polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?
A fire cracker.
What are the most patriotic flowers?
Yankee Doodle Dandylions.
Why did the hot dog go to the 4th of July party?
Because it heard it was buns of fun.
Recommended: Adult 4th of July Jokes
Did you hear about the angry firecracker?
He was so mad that he exploded!
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!
What’s the American eagle’s favorite game?
Capture the flag!
Why did the firework become a teacher?
Because it wanted to spark curiosity in students.
Do you have a funny 4th of July Dad Joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
What do John Cena and 4th of July fireworks in Alaska have in common?
Can’t see ’em.