Eggs aren’t just for breakfast, they’ve somehow ended up in grown-up jokes too. Their soft shells, runny insides, and suggestive shapes make them perfect material for adult humor. That’s how Dirty Egg Jokes were born, scrambling innocence with a side of cheeky wordplay.
These jokes walk a fine line between funny and a little too sunny-side up. They’re loaded with innuendos, egg puns, and just enough spice to make adults chuckle while pretending to be offended. Egg lovers beware, these aren’t the jokes you’d want to tell at a family brunch.
Adult Egg Jokes
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Neither. The rooster came, and got the hen laid in the process.
What did one g*y sperm say to the other g*y sperm?
“How are we supposed to find an egg in this sh*t?”
Women have eggs and milk in them.
And they say that they don’t belong in the kitchen.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
“It’s going to take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick.”
Give a man an egg and he’ll eat for a day
Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you’re “taking science too far.”
A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg.
The answer is the chicken.
What did the chicken say when the farmer took her eggs?
“fuKAAWWWF!”
Do you know why men are such good cooks?
With two eggs and a sausage, they can fill a woman’s belly for nine months.
That morning, a man’s wife was in the kitchen, preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As he walked in, she suddenly turned to him and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”
His eyes lit up. He thought, “This is my lucky day!”
Not wanting to lose the moment, he didn’t waste any time—he gave her a wild time right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards, she simply said, “Thanks,” and went back to the stove.
More than a little confused, he asked, “What was that all about?”
She giggled and replied, “The egg timer’s broken.”
Recommended: Egg Jokes
Which doesn’t belong: Meat, a Blowj*b, Your Wife, An Egg?
A Bl*wjob, you can beat others, but you can’t beat a bl*wjob.
A man is buying a banana, an apple, and two eggs. The female cashier says, “You must be single.”
The man answers, “Wow, how did you know?”
Cashier answers, “Because you’re ugly.”
White chickens make white eggs. Brown chickens make brown eggs. Yo mama must be a scrambled chicken.
What do you call a sl*tty egg?
Over easy.
Why is it so sad to be an egg?
Because you get smashed once, laid once, and the only bird to sit on your face is your mother.
What’s the difference between an egg and a feminist?
An egg gets laid.
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. “Not yet,” said Little Johnny..
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast, and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
“How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.
“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him, or should I?”
Which kitchen tool went to jail for domestic violence?
The egg beater.
How do women like their eggs?
Ovariesy.
What do you call the sperm that fertilizes the egg?
The luckiest kamikaze.
What do you call a g*y egg?
A f-egg.
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”
The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
What do you call an Egg that wants to go back inside the Chicken
The incredible Oedipal egg.
What did the m@sochist egg say?
“Beat me!”
How do you call your nuts when you go commando?
Free-range eggs.
How are kids like eggs?
The more you beat them, the better they turn out.
After a night out at the pub with his buddies, Carl came home rather drunk.
He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Carl.”
Carl was stunned. “I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”
St. Peter said, “Hmm, perhaps that could be arranged. It does involves a lot of paperwork… but sure. You’ve got two alternatives: you can come back as a fish or as a hen.”
Carl never liked swimming, and thought that perhaps being a hen wouldn’t be that bad after all. Walking around pecking at the ground, no stress, and if the local rooster was nice then perhaps it could be a comfortable existence.
Carl replied, “Okay, then I choose to be a hen.”The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. “So, you’re the new hen, eh? How’s your first day here?”“Not bad,” replied Carl the hen, “but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I’m gonna explode!”“You’re ovulating,” explained the rooster. “Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before?”
“Never,” said Carl.“Well, just cluck twice and then push.” Carl clucked twice and pushed, and voila, out popped an egg!
Carl was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood for the first time. He then clucked twice, pushed, and out came another egg. His joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, “Dammit, Carl! Wake up. You’re pooping the bed!!!”
How do kleptomaniacs like their eggs cooked?
Poached.
What’s the difference between a bald man and an egg?
Eggs get laid.
What do you call a hot tub full of ladies?
Egg drop soup.
What do you call chocolate egg nog?
Nig Nog.
A rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning.
He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, takes another look at the eggs, takes one more look at the hens, he thinks about it for a minute, then he walks across the barnyard.
And kicks the sh*t out of the peacock.
What do you do to a murder0us egg?
You egg-secute it!
Which clothing size would an ovule require?
XL (Egg cell).
A local wizard has been terrifying the locals by temporarily turning their sausages into eggs.
For now, at least, it appears the wurst is ova.
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”
“What a coincidence,” the farmer said. “This is a special day for me; I am celebrating.”
“This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,” said the woman.
“What a coincidence!” said the farmer. As they clinked glasses, he added, “What are you celebrating?”
“My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!”
“What a coincidence!” said the man. “I’m a chicken farmer, and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.”
“That’s great!” said the woman, “How did your chickens become fertile?”
“I used a different rooster,” he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass, and said, “What a coincidence!”
What breed of rooster can produce eggs?
A Himalayan.
What do you call a child born from a donated sperm and a donated egg?
A Kinder Surprise Egg.
Why did the egg cross the road?
To get laid.
Women who wear burkhas look like Kinder Eggs.
You’ll never know what’s inside!
A man walks into a br0thel.
He slaps down $500 on the counter and tells the Madam that he wants the ugliest, nastiest, most toothless old broad she has, plus a rotten egg sandwich.
The Madam looks back at him, confused, and says, “Sir, for this much money, you could have one of our most beautiful women and a steak dinner.”
The man replies, “I’m not h*rny, I’m homesick.”
Do you think eggs are expensive?
Wait til you fertilize one.
Why does the Easter Bunny hide its eggs?
It doesn’t want anybody knowing it f*cks chickens.
Recommended: Dirty Chicken Jokes
What happens if you throw eggs at the cops?
Bacon & Eggs.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.
The egg mutters to no one in particular, “Well, I guess we answered THAT question!”
What’s the worst thing about being an egg?
You only get laid once.
What’s it called when a chicken stops laying eggs?
Henopause.
Little Johnny is in second grade. They’re learning about different animals
The teacher asks Suzie, “Suzie, what do chickens give you?”
Suzie answers, “Eggs!”
Teacher says, “Very good, Suzie. And Mark, what do pigs give you?”
Mark says, “Bacon!”
Teacher goes, “Excellent, Mark! Johnny, what do cows give you?”
Johnnie answers, “Usually homework.”
What do Vegans and Pro-Lifers have in common?
They both hate scrambled eggs.
What did the sperm say to the egg?
“Come with me if you want to live.”
What’s a drug addict’s favorite holiday?
Easter, because there’s plenty of eggs-to-see.
Recommended: Adult Easter Jokes
There is an upside to getting Alzheimer’s.
You can hide your own Easter eggs.
When men get off, it’s called “beating their meat”…
Seeing as women have eggs inside of them, when they get off, are they beating their eggs?!
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because they won’t stop to ask for directions.
What’s another name for a miscarriage?
A scrambled egg.
What’s the best way to beat an egg?
Visit an ab*rtion clinic.
Do you have a dirty Egg joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
What do you get when you cross an egg with a sperm?
An omelette you probably shouldn’t eat.