Fish have always had a slippery reputation, but when it comes to adults, they’re not just for dinner, they’re for dirty jokes too! From the flirty flick of a fin to names like “red snapper,” it’s as if fish are begging to be part of adult humor. Our Fish Jokes thrive in this underwater world of double meanings, where innocent marine life gets hilariously caught in the net of innuendo.
If you dive deeper, you’ll find that our Dirty Fish Jokes are like the ocean’s naughty little secrets. They take the everyday struggles of fishing, swimming, and even baiting hooks and turn them into laugh-worthy puns. It’s a cheeky reminder that even the most innocent-sounding topics can swim straight into adult humor when you’re fishing for laughs.
Adult Fish Jokes
How is Dating a lot like fishing?
Sure there’s lots of fish in the ocean, but until you catch one, you’re just stuck here holding your rod.
What did the fish say when he hit his head on the concrete wall?
“Damn.”
A wife walked in on her husband while he was watching p0rn.
In a panic reflex, he instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel.
As the wife walks out again, she says, “You should stay on the p0rn channel… you know how to fish.”
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
Why should you Never leave a Man alone with his fishing rod?
He’ll eventually become a Master Baiter.
God is walking through the Garden of Eden one morning, when he sees Adam sitting by himself, grinning from ear to ear.
God says to Adam, “You’re looking very happy this morning! Has something good happened?”
“Oh yes,” Adam replies. “This morning we found out why I have a p*nis and Eve has a v@gina! It was awesome. We’re going to call it ‘sex’!”
God is shocked. “Adam, what you have done is a sin! You and Eve must both be punished.” He looks around. “Where is Eve anyway?”
Adam replies, “Well, she enjoyed it so much she wants to do it again. She’s down by the river washing her v@gina.”
“Oh, great,” God replies. “Now, on top of everything else, all the fish will smell funny too!”
What do fish smoke?
Seaweed.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
It’s Seafood.
A man’s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes, so he walks down to the store only to find it closed.
So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar, he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.
After they’ve had their fun, he realizes it’s 3 a.m. and says, “Oh no, it’s so late, my wife’s going to kill me.” He takes his shoes outside and rubs them in the grass and mud, then proceeds home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed off. “Where the hell have you been?!?!” “Well, honey, it’s like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great-looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.”
She sees his shoes are covered with grass and says, “You lying b@stard!!! You’ve been fishing again!!!”
Are mermaids fish or women?
It depends on if you are h0rny or hungry.
Recommended: Fish Jokes
What do you call a fish that eats a$$?
A bottom feeder.
What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
“Good day ladies.”
A priest hooks a huge fish.
Helping him reel it in, a sailor says “Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!”.
“Hey, mind your language!” says the priest.
Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, “Sorry father, but that’s what this fish is called, it’s a Fucker fish”.
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church.
“Look at this huge fucker” says the priest, spotting the bishop.
“Language, please! this is God’s house,” replies the bishop.
“No, no that’s what this fish is called, “says the priest.
“Oh,” says the bishop, scratching his chin “I could clean that fucker and we could have it for dinner”.
So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior.
“Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?” he asks her.
“My, what language!” she exclaims, clearly shocked.
“No, sister that’s what the fish is called – a fucker”, says the bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the Mother Superior says, “Wonderful, I’ll cook that fucker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!”
The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it.
“Well, I caught the fucker!” says the priest.
“And I cleaned the fucker!” says the bishop.
“And I cooked the fucker!” says the mother superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey, and says, “You know what? You cunts are alright.”
What kind of STDs do fish get?
Merm-aids.
Did you hear about what happened at the chip shop?
The fish got battered.
Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Ron’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going.
Ron’s mates are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do?! Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
“Shit Ron, how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go?”
“Well, I’ve been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?’
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said she had been reading ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed, she had handcuffs and ropes!
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, ‘Do whatever you want.’
So . . . . here I am!”
Which is the sexiest fish of them all?
A Blow-Fish!
What do you call a fish looking for cancer treatment?
Finding chemo.
Recommended: Dolphin Jokes
A man caught a goldfish and as always…
“Let me go and I will grant you a wish,” said the goldfish.
“But I don’t need anything. I have a house, a summer house by the sea, cars, a cottage in the mountains, a yacht, more than enough money….. I only fish for pleasure” he says.
“Come on, please, let me go, I’ll fulfill any wish”.
“Well, ok,” says the guy “From now on I wish that my dear wife and I always have an orgasm together” and releases the fish.
“Voila, granted,” says the little fish.
The man picked up his fishing equipment, put it in the car, and happily drove home….
On the way home he came twice.
Why do Americans take a gun while they go fishing?
Cause groups of fish are called schools.
What do you call a fisherman that prevents fish from mating?
A Codblocker.
A medical professor at a university was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscle Contractions” to his first-year medical students.
He pointed to a pretty young woman in the front row, and said, “Do you know what your a$$hole is doing while you’re having an org@sm?”
She replied, “Probably out fishing with his mates!”
What do you call it when you brew Adderall, caffeine, and fish together?
A good upper tuna tea.
How many animals are in a woman’s underwear?
One beaver, one a$$, hundreds of tiny hares, and an invisible dead fish.
The hotel clerk has the honeymoon suite set up to record videos, but the groom is always out fishing. Frustrated, the clerk asks the groom why he is fishing and not consummating.
Groom: “Can’t, she’s got gonorrhea.”
Clerk: “BJ?”
Groom: “Can’t, she’s got Pyria.”
Clerk: “Anal?”
Groom: “Can’t, she’s got Diarrhea.”
Clerk: “Why did you marry a sick woman like that?”
Groom: “Well she’s got worms too and I love to fish.”
What do you call a lesbo fish?
A lick-alot-apus.
What’s the difference between a good day of ice fishing and a bad day of eating pu$$y?
Blood around the hole.
Recommended: Dirty Jokes
A boy came home from school at 7 pm.
“You’re late. Where were you?” asked his father.
“I was with my friend Jessica,” he replied.
“Doing what?” his dad asked again.
“We were just studying, Dad.” replied the boy.
The father glared at him skeptically. Wanting to change the subject, the boy picked up a snack off the kitchen table and took a bite. “Wow, these fish cakes are delicious!” said the boy.
Dad replied with a smirk, “Wash your hands, son. Those are donuts.”
What do you call a group of armed fishes?
A sch00l sh00ting.
What’s the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish it will die.
A mosquito flies above a river.
In the river, there is a fish. The fish thinks: If that mosquito just flies down a little bit, i can jump and eat that mosquito
Next to the river sits a bear The bear thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. I can grab the fish.
Behind the bear in the bushes sits a hunter The hunter thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. That bear will grab the fish and I can shoot the bear!
Behind the hunter a little mouse sees some crumbs on the hunters vest. The mouse thinks: if that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. The bear will eat the fish and the hunter will shoot the bear. The recoil of the shoot will then make the crumbs drop off his vest and i can eat the crumbs!
Behind the mouse is a cat. The cat thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little, the fish will jump from the river, the bear will eat the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear and the mouse will go for the crumbs. Then, I have my chance to catch that mouse!
A little while later the mosquito flies down a little. The fish immediately jumps up to catch it but gets slapped out of the air by the bear. The hunter takes the shot and kills the bear, the mouse runs forward for the crumbs and the cat runs and leaps for the mouse. But the cat leaps with too much force and jumps over the mouse into the river!
What is the moral of this story you ask?
The longer the foreplay the wetter the pu$$y.
Did you hear about the girl who went on a fishing trip with six guys?
She came back with a red snapper.
A wife has an eccentric but harmless new habit. She started taking a fish to bed with her. It didn’t really bother the husband until last night.
When he suggested they make love, she replied, “Not tonight, dear, I have a haddock.”
If you’re a recruit hoping to catch fish for the Navy.
Keep trying to master bait until you get Seaman. Even if it’s new to you, take a whack at it and shoot for the stars. Who knows how far you’ll go.
Confucius say:
Man who fishes in another man’s well, usually catches crabs.
Recommended: Dirty Cat Jokes
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Always wet but nothing to ride.
Three goldfish die and go to heaven.
St. Peter is waiting at the gates—the first goldfish approaches.
St. Peter: “What was your worst sin?” The first goldfish: “I blew bubbles.” St. Peter. “That’s not a sin, come on in.”
The second goldfish approaches.
St. Peter: “What was your worst sin?” The second goldfish: “I also blew bubbles.” St. Peter. “Still not a sin, come on in.”
The third goldfish approaches.
St. Peter: “What was your worst sin?” The third goldfish: “I’m bubbles.”
What do fish do when they feel h0rny?
They watch prawn.
How do you catch a fish with a computer?
Use click bait.
Do you have a dirty fish joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
