Love for adults often feels like a quiet story about two people learning how to share space, time, and patience while still holding on to their own lives. Love for adults grows through small moments, soft talks, and silly misunderstandings, making the journey funny and warm even when things get a little messy.
Dirty Love Jokes then carry the story forward as the pair keeps using humor to stay close through clumsy flirting and late-night chats. These love jokes help them laugh at the odd sides of adult romance, showing how playful words can make even the messiest feelings easier to handle.
Adult Love Jokes
When is your wife’s favorite day to make love?
Tomorrow.
Steve’s girlfriend was devastated when she found out the reason why his nickname is “The Love Machine”.
It’s because he’s terrible at tennis.
Why can’t you hear rabbits making love?
Because they have cotton balls.
How do optometrists make love?
“Is it better this way, or this way?”
The Bible and the Quran tell us to love each other.
The Kamasutra is more specific.
Your name spelled backwards is something you really love.
Aidan and Nadia looked at each other and said, “We agree”. Tim, the Massachusetts grad student, also agreed. Hannah glanced up from her mirror and smiled knowingly. Emil took a sip of his margarita and said, “Yep.”
From the look on her face, Lana didn’t seem quite so sure.
What do you call a Jedi who practices a lot of self-love?
Hand Solo.
What do you call two chickens in love?
Lesbihens.
What do you call a moose who loves multiple other moose?
A polyamormoose.
Two women are discussing their love lives
Jo says, “I have to be careful not to get pregnant.”
Jenny looks confused. “But I thought Tony recently had a vasectomy.”
“He did,” says Jo. “That’s why I need to be extra careful.”
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Friend: “Wow, that’s amazing that you and your wife have all girls.”
Husband: “Well, before we made love, I always put on son-block.”
There is love without s*x, and there is s*x without love.
And then there’s you, without both.
I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels,
Unfortunately, she didn’t know I existed.
A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was homesick from work the previous day.
“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?”
“She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door, she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
What 4 words don’t you want to hear when making love?
“Hi, honey! I’m home!”
If the eagle is the bird of war and the dove is the bird of Love! What is the bird of true love?
The Swallow!
Any god can become a god of love just by changing their hairstyle.
They just need to be an afro-deity.
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark…
After 20 years, his wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes ballistic, “You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?”
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, “I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids…..”
What do polar bears do when they fall in love?
They have s*xual wintercourse.
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Did you hear about the new corduroy condom?
It’s a groovy kind of love.
What do gay Jamaican Sailors love?
The Seamon.
A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman.
The general stood tall and said, “1956, ma’am.” The woman, taken aback by this answer, said, “1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better…” and the two sauntered away to a private room.
The woman began to strip, and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said, “Well, you sure haven’t forgotten anything since 1956…”.
The general looked at her, confused, and said, “Well, I sure hope not. It’s only 2130 now!”
The best safe word to use while making love is “meatloaf.”
It means, “I’ll do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”
Two people were making love in an elevator.
That’s wrong on so many levels.
They asked me to describe my love life in 4 words…
Non Eggs Is Tint.
That morning, the wife was in the kitchen getting ready to boil eggs for breakfast. When her husband walked in, she turned to him and said, “You have got to make love to me this very moment.”
His eyes lit up, thinking it was his lucky day. Not wanting to miss the opportunity, he wasted no time and swept her into a quick, passionate moment right there on the kitchen table.
Afterward, she smiled, said “Thanks,” and went back to the stove.
Still a little confused, the husband asked, “What was that all about?”
She giggled and replied, “The egg timer is broken.”
Love is like fart.
If you have to force it, it’s probably sh*t.
Why do boys love ghost bees?
Boo-bees.
What’s strange about making love in a zero-gravity place?
Both of you can be on top at the same time.
An elderly retired couple went to a doctor. The man said, “We want to know if we are making love properly. Will you look at us?”
“Go ahead,” said the doctor. They made love. “You are making love perfectly,” the doctor said. “That will be $50.” They came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing.
On the seventh visit, the doctor said, “What are you coming here like this for – I told you that you are making love properly!”
“She can’t come to my house,” said the man, “and I can’t go to her house. A motel costs $100. You charge us $50 and we get $30 back from Medicare.”
Aaron fell in love with a girl who was one-third his height.
He was completely nuts over her.
Why making love in a hurry will lead to having an ADHD kid?
Because there was no time to put a condom.
What’s the preferred type of drinks for girls when making love?
Lickuor.
A girl goes to see her gynecologist.
When she takes off her clothes, she has a big “Y” embedded on her chest and stomach.
“Why is there a big Y on your body?” the doctor asks.
The girl laughs. “My boyfriend goes to Yale, and he’s so proud of it that he wears his letterman sweater all the time, even when we make love.” The doctor smiles.
The next girl comes in, and she has a big H embedded on her body.
“Why is there a big H on your body?” the doctor asks.
The girl laughs. “My boyfriend goes to Harvard, and he’s so proud of it that he wears his letterman sweater all the time, even when we make love.”
The next girl comes in, and she has a big M embedded on her body.
“Let me guess, your boyfriend goes to the University of Michigan,” the doctor says.
The girl replies, “Oh no, I don’t have a boyfriend. But my girlfriend goes to Wisconsin.”
I wrote a book called Endless Love.
About a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller.
What do you call the line between s*x and making love?
The finish line!
Do you know that Geologists have a rough love life?
They date rocks.
An old married couple is sitting on a park bench. The wife looks at her husband and asks, “What did you think the first time you saw me?”
The husband replies, “I wanted to f–k your brains out and suck your t*tties dry.”
“And what do you think now?” The wife purrs.
“I did a pretty damn good job.”
What’s the difference between Bud Light and making love in a kayak?
They’re both f*cking close to water!
Where do English impostors make love?
Sussex.
What does a necrophiliac say to confess his love for someone?
“You’re dead to me.”
A boy grows up being told by his mother never to touch a woman’s private parts because “They have teeth!” One day, when he’s older, he starts seeing a lovely girl who he begins to fall in love with.
Things are going great, but she starts to feel frustrated at his lack of sexual progression with her. Finally, she decides to broach the subject. She says, “hey, I really like you and I’m really getting into our relationship but howcome whenever we’re making out you never touch my pussy, I’d love it if you did”. “oh no” he says, my mom always told me, “never touch a woman’s private parts. They have teeth down there!”. She says, “That’s completely ridiculous and I’ll prove it”. She strips naked and spreads her beautiful legs apart, giving him a very intimate view. “See!” she says, “No teeth!”
The young man crouches down and looks carefully… “No wonder,” he says. “Look. At the state of your gums!”
If love is blind…
Then why is lingerie so popular?!
Which animal certainly has sexual love in it?
Rhinoc-eros.
Why are bodybuilders bad at making love?
Because they lost their love handles.
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Did you know that golfers are very fluent in the language of sex and love?
Where else would you hear all of these sayings?
“Put it in the hole.”
“You nailed that one.”
“Pull it out? No, leave it in!”
“Threesomes”
“I’ve got a stiff shaft.”
“Hang on a moment. I’ve got to wash my balls.
“Snuck that one in the back door.”
“Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.”
“This looks a little tight. I’m gonna have to wedge it.”
“Try my wood and see what you think.”
“Try griping down on the shaft.”
“Excuse me, but I believe your shaft is bent and no longer functional.”
A girl who was abducted fell in love with her captor after he made her keep her tampon in for too long.
She had Toxic Shockholm Syndrome.
What did the bread say while making love?
“I’m about to CRUMB!”
Why are witches attracted to crystal men?
They love rubbing the crystal balls.
Two women were talking about their love life over coffee.
“I don’t know what to do,” said Joan, “I’m too shy to ask for it, and he doesn’t initiate enough!”
“Well,” her friend Carol replied, “I have a sure fire way to start up my husband.”
“Oh?” asked Joan, “Do tell!”
“Well,” smirked Carol, “I just sit next to him and then I slowly put my hand down his pants and say: “My, aren’t you cold in there, could use some heating up… works every time!”
“You know what, maybe I’ll try that,” Joan said with a chuckle.
They met for coffee again a few days later and Joan was in a terrible mood.
“You almost got me divorced!” she said to Carol.
“What? How?” Carol asked, astounded.
“I did what you said, and I stuck my hand down his pants, but it wasn’t cold it was already hot!”
“So?” Carol asked, confused.
“Well then I asked my husband why the inside of his pants was hot and not cold like Carol’s husband.”
What’s the difference between lust, love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
A woman and a dog once fell in love.
He buried his bone in her backyard.
When Bigfoot made love to Scarlett Johansson, we expected him to brag about it.
Yeti remained humble.
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4 tips for guys for successful relationships.
It’s really important to find a woman that you love and who loves you the same.
It’s really important to find a woman that s*xually excites you and that she feels the same about you.
It’s really important to find a woman who will care for you and that you will care for her, in sickness and in health.
It’s absolutely f–king vital that these three women do not know each other.
Life without love is pointless.
Love without life is necrophilia.
What is the definition of “Tender Love”?
Two f@ggots with hemorrhoids.
Why was Hitler blind to the powers of love?
He was Nazi-ing.
Guy breaks into a house and finds a married couple in bed.
He drags the husband out and ties him up. As he’s tying the wife up, he kisses her neck and then goes to the bathroom.
The husband says, ” He’s wearing prison issue clothes and must have escaped. He probably hasn’t been with a woman for a while, and I saw him kiss your neck. If he wants to f–k you and have you suck his d*ck, just let him, it’s our best chance of surviving this. Stay strong, I love you, honey.”
At that point, the wife says, “He didn’t kiss my neck, he whispered your husband’s cute, have you got any lube? I said yes in the bathroom. You stay strong, I love you, honey.”
What’s the hardest part of making love with someone you love?
Rigor mortis.
What is the difference between love and herpes?
Herpes lasts forever.
Why don’t necrophiliacs know their love language?
It’s a dead tongue.
Finding love has become very difficult these days.
With all those cameras and security outta kindergartens.
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Two residents of an old folks home fall in love, June and Freddy.
And they adore each other, but they are too old and weak to make love. So the way they show affection is that each evening, June visits Freddy in his room, they sit side by side in their armchairs, and June just holds Freddy’s p*nis in her hand while they watch TV. That’s their love life, and they’re very happy.
Until one evening, June heads to Freddy’s room and she sees that there is another woman sitting in HER armchair, and SHE is holding Freddy’s manhood in HER hand!! Shocked and hurt, June cries out, “Freddy, what are you doing? Why is SHE here? How could you? What has she got that I haven’t got?”
Freddy grins a sheepish grin, shrugs, and answers, “Parkinson’s.”
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
“Go f–k yourself!”
Why is poop like love?
Because just like love, it sometimes brings pain, sometimes peace, sometimes grief and other times happiness.
What do you call it when two female secret agents fall in love while on the job?
Lesbianage.
Do you have a Dirty Love joke? Write down your funniest adult jokes in the comment section below!
