Laughter is the universal language, and Funny Jokes are like tiny sparks that ignite it. They sneak into conversations, lighten up dull moments, and have the magical power to turn awkward silences into giggling fits. Whether it’s a witty one-liner or a hilarious twist, jokes are proof that even the simplest words can pack a big punch of happiness. They’re like little verbal fireworks, bursting with joy and leaving us wanting more.
Now, in 2025, our Funny Jokes are taking over the internet like a cheerful wave. From memes that make you snort in public to clever puns shared in group chats, they’ve become a staple of daily life. It’s as if the world collectively decided that a good laugh is the best stress buster. People aren’t just telling jokes anymore; they’re crafting them like art, ensuring that humor keeps evolving with a sprinkle of creativity and a whole lot of fun.
Best Jokes
Do you know that theory that no two people see colors exactly the same way?
Surely it’s a pigment of their imagination.
An old man warned people that the Titanic would sink. No one listened, but he kept on warning and warning them! Nonetheless, they got sick of him.
And kicked him out of the movie theater.
What is an electrician’s favorite type of news?
Current events.
Knock, knock.
(Whose their?)
Your English teacher. We have a lot of work to do.
A kid asked his friend if he wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so the friend replied, “Go for it!” The kid shouted, “NO!! NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” Slightly puzzled, the friend said, “That’s Super man.”
“Thanks!” the kid laughed. “I’ve been practicing it a lot.”
Every morning, I tell my family that I’m going jogging and then I don’t go.
It’s a running joke.
Did you hear about the burglary at the detergent factory?
The thief made a clean getaway.
This wife is turning 32 soon and the husband told her not to get her hopes up, “After all, the celebration is only going to last half a minute.” Confused, she asked, “What are you talking about?”
The husband said, “It’s your thirty-second birthday.”
Do you ever talk to yourself?
My apologies, I wasn’t talking to you.
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I am sure,” replied the vet, “Your duck is definitely dead.” “How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a healthy-looking black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on its hind legs, put its front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. It then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room, and returned a few minutes later with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a printout. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to charge you our full fee,” he said, “which includes the cost of a complete lab test and a cat scan.”
The vet took the paper, handed it to the woman, and said, “The bill is $1500.” “$1500!” the woman exclaimed in disbelief. “How much for the rest of the duck?”
What did the sand say as the tide came in?
“Hey! Long time no sea.”
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If Chewy is short for Chewbacca, and Ani is short for Anakin, what’s Luke short for?
A stormtrooper.
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
What do skeletons order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!”
The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.”
“Oh man, ” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on me.” The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guy sees him, stops him, and says, “You can’t bring that dog in here unless you tell him it’s a seeing-eye dog.”
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring that dog in here!” The second man replies, “This is my seeing-eye dog.” The bartender says, “No, I don’t think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs.”
The man pauses for a half-second and replies, “What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?”
Why did Shakespeare always write using a pen?
Pencils confused him…2B or not 2B?!
What do you call a moose without a name?
Anonymoose.
I just got diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome.
Wife: Is that common?
Me: It’s not unusual.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
I took an elevator up to the eleventh floor for a meeting. As I got out, the operator said “Have a good day, son.”
“Don’t call me son,” I said. “You’re not my dad.”
He scratched his head, “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”
After my meeting, I got back on the elevator to go back down, and the same operator was there. I said nothing to him, but when we got to the ground floor, he said to me, “I’m sorry.”
“Because you thought you were my dad?” I asked him.
He shook his head. “No, son, because I let you down.”
My wife is pretty mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction!
“So I packed up, and right”!
Why does Spider-Man always have such witty comebacks?
Because with great power comes great response ability.
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What is another name for Apple phone chargers?
Apple Juice.
Why can’t 45-degree angles get a mortgage?
They don’t know whether to sine or cosine.
Three brothers ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old fills up the bath, puts his foot in, and pauses. He yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.” He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, “Was I going up the stairs or coming down?”
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” He knocks on wood for good luck.
He then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
What do you call a bald chair?
A ‘c’.
What did the third wise man say after his friends had already presented gold and frankincense?
“But wait, there’s myrrh!”
I had an ant farm with 9 ants, if I get 1 more…
I’ll have to start charging rent.
What do you call a magic dog?
A Labracadabrador!
A Navy man walks into a bar, gives the bartender a conspiratorial wink, and says, “Quick, pour me a drink, before the trouble starts.” The bartender pours a drink and watches as the Sailor downs it in one gulp.
The Sailor slams the glass down on the bar and says, “Quick, give me another one before the trouble starts.” The bartender pours another glass and the Sailor drinks it as quickly as he had the first. The Sailor pauses, lets out a belch, and demands a third drink ‘before the trouble starts.’ After several rounds of this, the bartender says, “Look Sailor, you’ve been talking about trouble for ten minutes. Just when is this ‘trouble’ going to start?”
The sailor looks at the bartender and grins. “The trouble starts just as soon as you figure out that I don’t have any money.”
Who designed king Arthurs round table?
Sir cumfrence.
If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye?
Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils, because they dilate.
Recommended: Very Bad Dad Jokes
People say age is just a number.
When it is clearly a word.
An usher at a movie theatre notices a customer laying across three seats near the back of the theatre. He tells the customer that he can only take up one seat. The customer just moans and rolls his eyes.
The usher goes to get his supervisor who also tells the customer he must only take one seat or he will call the police. Once again the customer justs moans and rolls his eyes. The supervisor calls the police, who come and tell the customer that he has been told by the usher and the manager to sit up and that he can only take up one seat. “What’s wrong with you?” they ask. The customer just moans and rolls his eyes. The police officer asks the man “Where did you come from?” The man lifts a hand in the air, and says “the balcony”…
Old mathematicians never die.
They just lose some of their functions.
A son asked his father, “Is this pool safe for diving?”
The father chuckled and replied, “It deep ends…”
Did you hear Bob Barker passed away at age 99?
He lived as close to 100 without going over.
What’s the main use for leather in the world?
Holding cows together.
An elderly lady is having a doctor’s visit. She states she has awful gas but there is no sound or odor…
“In fact “, she explains. “I’ve passed wind three times since you’ve been in here.” The doctor writes a prescription and says “Take three of these a day and come back and see me in a week.” The lady returns in a week and is quite angry with the doctor asking “What was in those pills? My gas has a terrible smell now!”
The doctor says “Now that we have that sinus infection cleared up let’s see what we can do about your hearing.”
What was the tallest mountain in the world until Mount Everest was discovered?
Mount Everest. It just hadn’t been discovered yet.
This man yelled at his girlfriend, “If you continue stealing my cooking utensils, I’ll move out!”
She just laughed and said, “That’s a whisk I’m willing to take!”
What do you call a snake that has been knighted?
Sir Pent.
What do you call a wizard who keeps falling down the stairs?
Tumble Door.
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A wife desperately tries to prove to her husband that her affair is over. He had already forgiven her, but still hadn’t spoken to her in days. The only thing she could think of, is that he must still not trust her.
To convince him, she cut her ex lover’s obituary out of the newspaper. Her affair ended long before the accident, but she thought she could ease her husband’s mind once and for all.
“You see,” she told him, “he was struck by a drunk driver.”
“I wasn’t drunk.” He replied.
What music should one listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
I was really embarrassed when my wife walked in on me playing with my son’s train set by myself, so in a moment of panic, I threw a bed sheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
The secret to making Congress more efficient is to replace all the people with horses.
Sure, every vote would end in “neighs,” but hay, at least the housing market would be stable. Coming to a Neighborhood near you.
What do you call a mouse that contracts vampirism?
Mouse-qito.
A young man dies and goes to Heaven where he finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is admitting the newly arrived to Heaven.
The angel tells the three new arrivals that because so many drug dealers and other criminals have managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must now be a little stricter with the screening process. Each person is required to state his former occupation and tell his or her yearly salary.
The first man in line says, “I was an actor, and I earned $1 million last year.”
The angel says, “Okay, you may enter.”
He turns to the woman in line and asks her about her life.
She states, “I earned $150,000 as an attorney.”
The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too.
He turns to the third one in line and asks, “What have you done with your life?”
The man replies, “I earned $8,000 last year… “
“Oh,” the angel interrupts. “What did you teach?”
What do you call an attic with a lot of issues?
Problematic.
Why did Coca-Cola go to therapy?
Because people only ask if Pepsi is okay.
During the war when board games were illegal, my granddad was thrown in jail.
He was a Yahtzee sympathiser.
Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe.
But if you remove it, you get gravy.
Recommended: Dad Joke of the Day
A six-year-old boy asks his dad to take him to McDonald’s, but the dad is not interested, so he says, “Only if you can spell the name of the restaurant.”
The boy tries but fails. The next day, he asks again, “Can we go to Burger King?” But once more, his dad asks him to spell the name before they go, and the boy tries again without success. On the third day, the boy comes home eagerly from school and says, “Dad, can we eat out tonight, please? Can we go to KFC?”
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in.
It’s currently half empty.
They arrested the guy who stole the radioactive isotopes.
He’s glowing to jail.
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, what would that make them?
Alloys.
Studies show that every six minutes a woman gives birth.
Someone needs to find her and stop her.
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, “What’s happening now?”
“The big bad wolf!” a goat shouted. “Is meditating!”
“So? Isn’t that a good thing? questioned the bear.
“Noooo!” the goat bleated. “It’s become aware wolf!”
What do janitors do on their day off?
They go to the bleach.
I went to the store last week to buy 6 cans of Sprite.
It wasn’t until I got home that I realized I had picked 7 up.
What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
It goes back for seconds.
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Two satellites decided to get married, the wedding wasn’t much.
But the reception was incredible.
A young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it? He said he’d offer to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16.
She agreed. The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.” “I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.” When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years, and watch the expression on his face!”
What’s classy if you’re rich and trashy if you’re poor?
Florida.
What do you call the head of a school of fish?
A Sardean.
What’s a good name for a horse?
Neighthan.
What’s the easiest building to lift?
A lighthouse.
A man was wholeheartedly in love with his wife, and when she passed after 60 years he was devastated.
For the next 20 years, he pined and pined and couldn’t wait to rejoin her in heaven. At last he passed away, and as soon as he landed in heaven he started running everywhere looking for finally found her. He screams out, “there you are darling, I have missed you so much!”
She stops and stares and then turns around and begins sprinting in the other direction. “Oh heck no, The contract was only for life!”
What game is always played on a big boat?
Yacht sea.
Which dinosaur was best at startling the other dinosaurs?
Tri-SCARE-atops.
What do you call a laundromat for pigs?
Hogwash.
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What kind of money is used in the North Pole?
Cold hard cash.
A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors but he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.
Luckily, the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the man.
What sound does a dizzy turkey make?
“Wobble, wobble, wobble!”
A famous physicist, an old man, and a boy scout are taking a tourist flight in a small plane. After they reach cruising altitude, the pilot suddenly has a heart attack. His last words before he dies are, “There are two parachutes over there … good luck.”
Before they can even talk about how they will divide just two parachutes between the three of them, the physicist grabs hold of the straps of the package next to him, says “The world needs smart people like me”, and jumps out of the plane.
Shocked, the old man says “Well lad, I’ve had my time, you take the other parachute.”
“We’ll be okay,” says the boy scout, “Mr Genius just jumped out with my rucksack.”
What do you call track and field at Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters?
Teenage Mutant Disc and Hurdles.
Why do people get more religious as they get older?
They’re cramming for the final.
What did the magician say to the dolphin?
“Pick a cod, any cod.”
Why do dragons often sleep during the day?
So they can fight knights.
“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city.
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ‘em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.
But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”
Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?
Because he wanted to get a long little doggy.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?”
The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
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Why do bulls make terrible salesmen?
They charge too much.
Why would a pig dressed in all black never get bullied?
Because Batman has sworn an oath to protect “Goth-ham”…..
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Thomas replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?” With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?” Thomas replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
Why did Sir Isaac Newton find it so hard to wake up in the morning?
Newton’s First Law: A body at rest wants to stay at rest.
Why does Snoop Dogg like cooking with cast iron?
Fo sizzle.
Where do Dads store their funny jokes?
In a Dadabase.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code.
“Your elderly Dad needs to go home,” said the young husband to his wife.
“He’s been here long enough, and I can’t handle him being around anymore,” he continued.
“He’s claimed the best seat besides our fireplace, drank our coffee, eaten our food, taken command of our TV, and puffs on his pipe whenever he fancies. And whenever I hint that it’s time for him to leave, he just sinks deeper into the recliner, and pretends he can’t hear.”
“I’ve endured this for three months now, and I’m at breaking point. He has to go.”
His wife looks shocked. “What do you mean `my dad’?” she exclaimed. “I thought he was yours!”
Did you know that bowling alleys are really quiet?
You can hear a pin drop.
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.
It was littering.
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Why don’t you put eggs in a microwave?
Because they eggsplode.
What would the Terminator be called in his retirement?
The Exterminator.
A pregnant woman hobbles painfully into the hospital with one hand on her back. A nurse rushes over to her and asks her what’s wrong, but the woman just shouts, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!” The nurse shakes her head and says, “Sorry, I don’t understand!” The woman screams, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!”
The nurse is really confused and turns to a doctor who says, “Admit her immediately!! She’s having contractions!”
What do you call a Jamaican porcupine?
A pokey mon.
What did the infectious disease say when the bartender refused him service?
“Well, you’re not a very good host…..”
What did Bugs Bunny say after beaming aboard the Enterprise?
“What’s up Spock?”
A traveling salesman hit a rabbit while driving.
He stopped and pulled over, along with some other people.
The traveling salesman went to his trunk, pulled out a bottle, walked to the rabbit, and poured the bottle on the rabbit.
The rabbit popped up, hopped about 10 feet, turned around and waved. It hopped another 10 feet, turned around and waved. It kept doing this until they couldn’t see it anymore.
The other people said, “That was amazing. We’ve never seen anything like it. What did you give the rabbit?”
The salesman answered, “Just some hair restorer with a permanent wave.”
What is white, cold, and can kill you if fell from the sky?
A fridge!
What do you call a pregnant woman?
A bodybuilder.
Did you hear about the two red blood cells that fell in love?
It was all in-vein.
Someone stole all my lamps. You’d think I would be upset.
But I’m actually delighted.
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People seem to think that Microsoft Excel is a flawed program
Personally, I rate it October 10th.
Why is New York the opposite of Minnesota?
Because New York is where the big apple is and Minnesota is where Minneapolis.
A flat-earther dies and goes to heaven.
He shows up before God and asks “So, God, the earth, is it flat, or is it round?”
“Round,” God answers.
“Man, this conspiracy goes deeper than I thought”, the flat-earther thinks to himself.
What is an introvert’s favorite body spray?
“Leave me the fuh” cologne.
What do you call an Australian who prefers white rice over brown rice?
A ricist.
What did Ace Ventura say when he ran out of coffee?
“Alright tea then!”
What did the blonde get on her math test?
Tears.
A married minor is like a vegan cat.
We all know who’s making the lifestyle choices.
If you rearrange the letters of postman.
They get really angry.
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What’s it called when you remove an angry cat from your wife’s lap?
A hissterectomy.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs with steel balls?
Sparky.
What’s the definition of a will?
Come on guys it’s a dead giveaway.
What’s 91 years old and lives on dead beetles?
Yoko Ono.
Do you have a funny joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
