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65 Funny Hawaii Jokes For Your Next Visit

Hawaii Jokes And Puns
Hawaii Jokes And Puns

Every ethnic group in Hawaii is defined by a stereotype, which is woven into local jokes. The Chinese are thought to be penny-pinchers, the Japanese to be stiff and nerdy, the Portuguese to be stupid, the native Hawaiians to be lazy, the Samoans to be big and tough but not too quick, the Filipinos to be lacking in a robust sense of humor, and the haole to be boring and out of touch with their bodily instincts. What separates ethnic humor on these islands from ethnic humor elsewhere is that it cuts in every direction at the same time. No single group has complete dominion over the others, and no one has a monopoly on making fun of the eccentricities of other groups.

The majority of Islanders understand that the stereotypes used in Hawaii jokes should not be taken seriously. Hawai’i locals strengthen their unique ability to live together in harmony by teasing each other, not harshly but as friends, and laughing together in acknowledgement of the reality that each group does really have its peculiar qualities. Their example demonstrates how a mixed-race community may work as an extended family, not always getting along but accepting one another in the pursuit of important, pleasant lives.

Best Hawaii Jokes

In Hawaii, what do you call two Polar Bears on a date?

Lost.


Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?

Or just a low ha.


Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Hawaii.
(Hawaii who?)
I’m good. Hawaii you?


What if Saitama from One Punch Man was from Hawaii instead of Japan?

His name would be Hawaiian Punch.


How do you beat up a Lumpia?

You pancit!


What happened when you try to make love to a Hawaiian?

You end up prematurely evacuating.


Why was everyone in Hawaii mad about the malfunction of the early warning system?

Don’t know, actually, Hawaii is the early warning system.


Where can you find Samoans and Hawaiians driving BMWs and Mercedes Benz’s?

McKinley Car Wash.


The cyclops asked his wife, “How do you spell Hawaii?” while solving a crossword puzzle.

“You need two i’s,” she said.

“My life is just a gigantic joke to you, isn’t it?” growled Cyclops.


What did Godzilla say after he devoured Hawaii?

I want samoa.


What do you call a Hawaiian rimjob?

Pacific Rim.


What do you call a Hawaiian with a cold?

A Polysneezin.


How did the Hawaiian hipster die?

He walked on lava before it was cool.


Why did the Jamaican person get Pikachu, when they ordered food in Hawaii?

Cause they asked for poke, mon.


How do you treat sunburn in Hawaii?

With Aloe-ha Vera!


Recommended: Sunburn Jokes


What do you call basketball goals in Hawaii?

Hula hoops.


What do you throw to a drowning Micronesian?

One Shaka.


What does a Hawaiian Spider do in his free time?

Surf the web.


Where do cats go for vacation?

Meowy, Hawaii.


While in Hawaii on vacation.

Son: Hey dad! Mom is kind of mad right now.

Dad: It’s a tsumommy.


What question did the animal control officer pose to the Hawaiian dancer?

Hula the dogs out?


Two priests on vacation in Hawaii were determined to make it a meaningful holiday by not wearing anything that identified them as clergy.

They went straight to a store once the plane landed and got some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and so on.

They went to the beach the next morning dressed as “tourists.” They were relaxing on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sun, and the view when a “drop dead gorgeous” blonde in a topless bikini approached them.

They couldn’t stop staring.

As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said, “Good Morning, Father,” smiling and addressing each of them individually, before moving on. They were both taken aback.

How did she find out they were priests? So they went back to the store the next day and bought even more wild clothing. These were so loud that you could hear them before seeing them! They sat down in their new clothes in their seats to enjoy the sunshine once more.

After a while, the same stunning blonde, dressed in a different coloured topless bikini and taking her time, approached them.

She nodded to each of them one more, saying, “Good morning, Father,” and began to walk away.

“Just a minute, young lady,” said one of the priests, who couldn’t take it any longer. “Yes, Father?”, replied the blonde.

“We are priests, and we are proud of it, but how do you know we are priests, clothed as we are?”

“Father, it’s me, Sister Margaret,” she said.


Why didn’t the passengers receive flowers when their plane landed in Hawaii?

Their flight was deleied.


What happened to the geometry teacher who went to Hawaii?

When he came back, he was a tan gent.


What would the Taj Mahal be called if it was placed in Hawaii?

Taj Mahalo.


How many Hawaiians does it take to change a lightbulb?

None because lava lamps don’t burn out,


What do you call an emo kid in Hawaii?

A tropical depression.


Recommended: Emo Jokes


What do you call a black dog running through Waipahu?

Fast Food.


What do you call a Filipino family with a pet dog?

Vegetarian.


For the first time, two Hawaiian brothers decided to go ice fishing. As they worked their way through the ice, a voice called out, “No fishing here!”

“Wow!  Eh Moki, you heard that?” Kimo asked.

“No!” exclaimed Moki.

They continued to pick, and the voice warned, “I said no fishing here!”

Moki exclaimed, “Ho Kimo, I heard that one,” to which Kimo replied, “Is that you, our fish god Aumakua?”

“No!!” exclaimed the voice.

“This is the Ice Palace manager!”


Why should you never buy golf equipment made in Hawaii?

Because Hawaii drivers are terrible.


What do cows wear in the state of Hawaii?

Moo- moos.


What is the preferred beverage of a Hawaii cloud?

Mountain Dew.


Why is the Wailua River so wealthy?

Because it has two banks.


Dad: Hey! Did you hear about the Samoan valedictorian?

Son: No.

Dad: He’s good at math. You know what his name is?

Son: No, what?

Dad: Atuatu Isafoa.


Why is playing craps better in Hawaii?

Because it’s a tropical pair of dice.


Why do English teachers hate Hawaii?

Because the islands are surrounded by beaches of amber sand and that means that they all end in a dangling participle.


How exactly do you get from California to Hawaii?

By crossing the specific Ocean.


What do a native Hawaiian and a bottle of beer have in common?

They’re both empty from the neck up.


Knock Knock!

Who’s there??

Hawaii.

Hawaii Who?

I’m good how are you?


What makes Kim Jong Un different from dominoes?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes.


What do you call Hawaiian building blocks?

Leigos.


What did the Hawaiian guide tell the visiting school kids about Mount Kilauea?

This blows.


What cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke?

Mahalo bro lights.


Peter is travelling on a roadway near the coast of California when he comes to a halt and asks God for just one wish for being a wonderfully faithful and good human being. God appears and tells Peter that he has earned the right to one desire.

Peter says, “I wish there was a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive there and have a fantastic time.”

God replies, “Oh, your wish is too materialistic! I’d have to get the concrete and carefully consider the design, as well as pipes and suspensions for balance and aesthetics. That would be a lot for me to manage! I will grant your wish for something else.”

Peter says, “Okay… Well, I’d like to be able to read women’s minds. I want to know what they’re thinking all the time, and what they mean when they say ‘nothing.’ Essentially, I want to understand women from the inside out.

God replies, “Do you want two or four lanes on that bridge?”


What happens when Hawaii starts having gangs?

It becomes a gangster paradise.


What happens when you cross a hula hoop with a boxer?

Hawaiian Punch.


What is the most terrifying day in the Hawaiian calendar?

Hula-ween.


Why do Hawaii fans smell so bad?

So blind people can hate them too.


Recommended: Blind People Jokes


Why couldn’t Jesus have been born in Hawaii?

Because they couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.


On the University of Hawaii campus, what do you call a good-looking girl?

A tourist.


A newlywed husband and a wife are on their honeymoon in Hawaii.

They begin debating about how to pronounce “Hawaii.”

The husband pronounces it “Hawaii,” but the wife insists it is called “Havaii.”

The wife is tired of this nonsense interfering with their holiday, so she asks a local how to pronounce it, and he responds “Havaii.”

The woman was overjoyed to learn that she was right, and she thanked the local for his assistance.

“You’re welcome,” he says.


What happens when a group of blondes relocates from California to Hawaii?

Both states become smarter.


Why was Hawaii’s water polo team disbanded?

All the horses drowned.


Son: Dad, what made you fall ill in Hawaii?

Dad: Poi, son.


How did the Mexican greet people in Hawaii?

Ahola.


A woodpecker from Hawaii and a woodpecker from California were debating about which state had the toughest trees.

According to the Hawaiian woodpecker, Hawaii has a tree that no woodpecker can peck.

The California woodpecker accepted his challenge and quickly pecked a hole in the tree. The Hawaiian woodpecker was astounded.

The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck an unpeckable tree in California. The Hawaiian woodpecker accepted the challenge because he was confident he could accomplish it. The Hawaiian woodpecker successfully pecked the tree after flying to California.

As a result, the two woodpeckers were now perplexed. How come the California woodpecker could peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker could peck the California tree, but neither could peck the tree in their home state?

They both arrived at the same conclusion after much careful deliberation…

Your pecker is always harder when you’re away from home.


Which US state sounds like an overly dramatic question when shouted?

Hawaii?!


What happens when your mom goes to Honolulu?

Hawaii met your mother.


How is Hawaii the ultimate kid’s game?

The ground is lava.


I’m having a bun filled with ham and pineapple for my lunch today because…

…that’s Hawai’i roll.


What’s the only thing that grows in Honolulu?

The crime rate.


A tourist in Hawaii is astounded by how healthy and energised he feels after only a few days on the islands.

On another wonderful island day, he starts up a discussion with a native as they wade out into the crystal clear, warm surf.

“I just can’t get over how gorgeous this site is!” exclaims the tourist. “I’m in a wonderful mood! In years, I haven’t felt this young and healthy! The island lifestyle is amazing!”

The local replies, “I get what you mean! Consider my case. I arrived here completely bald, with no teeth, and unable to walk…and look at me today!”

The tourist looks him in the eyes and exclaims, “That’s incredible! How long have you been living here?”

“Oh, I was born here,” says the local.


When a Hawaiian is hurt, what do they say?

Maui!


What has a mouth but can’t eat?

The Wailua River!


Why did the Hawaii football team cross the road?

Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.


What is a Hawaiian sex act, and coincidentally, a dessert?

Coconut cream pie.


A ship is sailing across the ocean, with an Irishman, a Japanese man, and a Hawaiian man on board.

The admiral finds a leak on the ship and that they are taking on water at one point during the journey. He orders everyone to begin throwing heavy objects overboard in order to keep the ship from sinking.

The Irishman descends below and returns with a cask of whiskey, which he throws overboard. Everyone is upset at the loss of that wonderful whiskey, but he shakes his head and comforts them. “Don’t worry, lad, we’ve got plenty of it where I’m from.”

The Japanese man descends and returns with a large barrel of sake, which he throws overboard. Everyone laments the loss of such fine sake once more, but the Japanese man shakes his head and reassures them. “Don’t be concerned; we have plenty of that where I came from.”

The Hawaiian man thinks for a while before picking up the Japanese man and throwing him overboard. Everyone looks at him in disbelief, and he shrugs, “Eh, where I came from, got lots of dem people.”


These jokes on Hawaii need more than just a low ha. Hope you liked them.

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