There are two things you can tell a blind person: First, blindness or vision impairment is not the end of the world. Yes, their daily life is affected or limited in some way. Like, they can’t drive but they can do cooking, gardening, read books or listen to radio or podcasts. Secondly, share jokes and puns with them. They love blind jokes at least the ones with whom you have strong bonds.
Being blind is like experiencing utter darkness as if you are in a cave. Some people see sparks or have vivid visual hallucinations in the form of identifiable forms, random shapes and colours, or light flashes. Try to normalise their surroundings under such circumstances. Jokes can be useful, but they should never be used constantly otherwise they will turn into insults. Repeatedly taking a jibe or cracking jokes is extremely irritating. So, try not to be a constant reminder of a person’s disability.
Funny Blind Jokes
Share and enjoy these Dark humor jokes.
What did the girl do when the blind boy broke up with her?
So, guess who is back with a different voice!
Why is it easy to crack jokes on blind people?
They never see the punchline coming.
Why don’t more blind people go skydiving?
Because it scares the shit out of their dogs.
Have you tried blind-folded archery?
You don’t know what you’re missing.
What do you call a blind reindeer?
What do you call a blind reindeer with no legs?
Still no eye deer.
How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony?
It’s not hard.
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A blind man enters a restaurant and takes a seat. The waiter, who also happens to be the owner, approaches the blind man and offers him a menu. “I apologise, sir, but I am blind and cannot read the menu.” Simply bring me a used fork from a prior customer. I’ll smell it and then decide.” The owner, perplexed, comes over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He goes back to the blind man’s table and gives it to him. The blind man presses the fork on his nose and takes a deep breath. “Ah, yes, that’ll do – meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”
As he heads towards the kitchen, the owner thinks to himself, “This is unbelievable.” The owner’s wife happens to be the cook. He informs her of what has just occurred. The blind man finishes his dinner and then departs.
Several days later, the blind man comes, and the owner sends him another menu by mistake. “Do you remember me, sir?” “I am the blind man.” “I’m sorry for not recognising you. All right, I’ll go grab you a dirty fork,” says the owner. He gets a filthy fork and hands it to the blind man. “That smells fantastic,” replies the blind man after taking another deep inhale. “Macaroni and cheese with broccoli, please.” The blind man eats and then departs.
He comes the next week, but this time the owner notices him and dashes to the kitchen. “Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man,” he says to his wife. Mary nods and passes the fork to her husband. The owner is ready and waiting when the blind man walks in and sits down. “Good afternoon, sir, I remembered you this time and have the fork ready for you.” The blind man holds the fork to his nose, takes a deep breath and says, “Hey, I didn’t realise Mary worked here.”
Why is it that a blind man cannot see his friends?
Because he’s married.
What did the blind man say as he walked passed a fish market?
Woah, good morning ladies!
How does a blind parachutist know when he is getting close to the ground?
The lead on his guide dog goes slack.
What do you call a blind fascist?
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?
“What in the world did I just read?”
Why was Hellen Keller’s belly button black and blue?
Because her boyfriend was blind too.
Recommended: Helen Keller Jokes
What do you call a dinosaur that is blind?
And what do you call a blind dinosaur’s dog?
A doyouthinkhesaurus Rex.
What do you call a gynaecologist who is blind?
Pain in the ass.
What happens when a blind person walks into a bar?
And a table. And a chair. And people.
A father caught his son jerking off. Later, he sat down with his son to have a chat.
Father: If you keep masturbating you’ll go blind.
Son: Dad, I’m over here.
Why do legally blind people dislike blind people’s jokes?
They do not see the humor in blind jokes.
How do you put an end to a fight between two blind men?
State clearly that you support the man with the knife.
How did the blind carpenter get his sight back?
He just picked up a hammer and saw.
What happened to the blind circumciser?
He got the sack.
What makes a blind hunter different from a constipated owl?
One shoots but can’t hit while the other hoots but can’t shit
God created colour blindness for what reason?
So someone will befriend the ginger child.
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A blind and elderly German man is riding a train.
When the train arrives at the destination station, he gets out of his seat and attempts to walk to the door, but nearly collides with a pole.
Another passenger warns, “Be careful, there’s a pole front of you!”
The old man takes a deep breath, stands tall with all the vigour of youth, and swings with all his might at the pole.
“Untermensch!” He screams. “When did those twats get so tough?”
What do they say about blind prostitutes?
“You’ve really got to hand it to them.”
Why can’t blind people eat oysters?
They can’t sea food!
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He didn’t see that well.
What happens to blind football players?
They become referees.
What happens when a referee goes blind?
They become VAR referees.
What’s the best thing about dating blind people?
You don’t have to worry about them seeing anyone behind your back.
What was the reason for the blind teacher’s dismissal?
Didn’t have any pupils.
A mother enters the Bass Pro Shop to purchase a fishing rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She is unsure which one to choose, so she grabs one and walks over to the cashier. A Bass Pro Shop employee stands there wearing dark thick glasses.
She states, “Please excuse me, sir. Could you please tell me more about this rod and reel?”
“Ma’am, I’m entirely blind; but if you drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything just by the sound it makes,” he says. She doesn’t believe him, but she nevertheless puts it on the counter.
“That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-pound test line,” he explains. It’s a wonderful all-around mix, and it’s only $20.00 this week.” “It’s incredible that you can know all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter,” she says. “Give it to me!” Her credit card falls on the floor as she opens her purse. “That sounds like a Master Card,” he observes. She bends down to pick it up and farts unintentionally. She is first humiliated but quickly realises that the blind employee has no way of knowing who farted. He wouldn’t realise she was the only one around.
“That’ll be $34.50 please,” the man says as he rings up the sale. The woman is puzzled by this and inquires, “Didn’t you say the rod and reel were only $20.00? How did you come up with $34.50?” He responds, “Ma’am, yes. The rod and reel are $20.00, but the Duck Call and Bear Repellent are $11.00 and $3.50, respectively.”
What is the worst way to end a relationship with a blind person?
“I think we should see other people.”
Why do color-blind people have the highest divorce rates?
They can’t see the red flags.
Why did the blind man cross the road?
Because he didn’t see anything coming from both sides.
What do an emo girl and a blind girl have in common?
Black is their favourite colour.
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What is the most terrifying thing a blind person can read in Braille?
“Danger: Do not touch.”
Why was the man dismissed from his job for offering a blind person his seat on the bus?
He was a bus driver.
A blind guy and his seeing-eye dog enter a department shop. Suddenly, he begins swinging the dog around in the air by its leash.
One of the store clerks approaches him and exclaims, “What are you doing!?”
The blind man replies,” I’m just taking a look around.”
What d do you call a blind vampire?
What do you call a mathematician who is blind?
What do you call his blind peer?
What does a blind person think of basketball?
It’s a never ending story.
Why do blind friends never repay their debts?
Whenever they meet, they say,” When I see you next time I will pay my debt back to you.”
Why don’t the blind sharpen pencils?
They don’t see the point.
A man, his wife, and their six children are waiting for a bus at a bus stop. The man notices a blind man with a cane approaching the bus stop. When the bus arrives, the wife and husband realise that it is nearly full, so the husband tells the wife to take the children and board the bus. He told his wife that he along with the blind man will just stroll to their next location. So the wife and children board the bus, and the bus departs.
The husband and the blind man begin to walk. The husband is irritated by the tapping of the blind man’s cane and tells him, “If you placed a rubber on the end of that stick, it wouldn’t make as much noise.” “If you had put a rubber on the end of your stick, we would have fit on that bus,” the blind man replies.
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How can you make an Asian blind?
Put a windshield in front of them.
How do parents discipline their blind child?
They rearrange the furniture.
Why do blind programmers use Java?
Because they can’t C.
How do you make a blind person see?
Usually by boat.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s wife?
That’s ok, neither has he.
Two blind pilots board an aeroplane. They’re wearing sunglasses and holding white sticks. The passengers are uneasy as the jet begins to move. The plane accelerates, yet it remains on the ground. The remaining runway is shrinking, as the plane is rushing towards a fence.
The passengers scream, and the plane suddenly lifts, escaping the fence at the last second. Everyone calms down, believing it was a horrible joke.
The co-pilot turns to the pilot in the cabin and says: “What do you think? One day, they’ll cry too late, and we’ll all perish.”
What happens when a blind person walks into the doctor’s office for an appointment?
The receptionist says “I’m sorry, you can’t see the doctor”.
How did the blind girl burn her ear?
She tried to answer the iron.
How did she burn her other ear?
They called back.
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A blind man walks into a Texas hotel. He walks up to the bar and climbs onto a massive barstool.
“Boy, this seat is huge!” he exclaims to the bartender.
“Everything’s bigger in Texas,” the bartender says.
He orders a beer, and the bartender delivers him a half-gallon mug of ice-cold beer.
“This is huge!” he exclaims. “As I already stated, everything is bigger in Texas,” adds the bartender.
He manages to finish it while chatting with the bartender, but the half gallon of liquid ultimately catches up with him.
When he asks where the bathroom is, the bartender replies, “down the hall, first door on the right.”
He starts along the hall, but he misses the bathroom and enters the hotel pool through the second door.
He takes a step forward and falls into the pool. He bobs to the surface and anxiously cries after struggling “Please do not flush! Please do not flush!”
Did you happen to see the blind man standing in the corner?
Don’t worry, he didn’t see you either.
Why are blind people jealous of the winter months?
What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater?
“The most violent book I’ve ever read!”
What’s a blind tiger’s favorite band?
A woman is bathing when a man knocks on her door; the woman yells, ‘Who is it?’ ‘The Blind Man, Ma’am!’ said the man.
The woman assumes he is blind and invites him inside.
‘Nice tits!’ exclaims the man as he enters a bathroom. “Now tell me which window requires blinds?
Why couldn’t the colour blind man sell ice cream?
His cones don’t work.
What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?
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What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
When the genie requested the blind man for his three wishes, what did the undecided man ask?
Ummm… let me see…
What does a blind knight wear?
A blind man grabs a seat at the bar and orders a drink. After a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately becomes completely silent. “Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things,” the woman next to him says in a deep, husky voice.
First, the bartender is a young blonde woman. Secondly, the bouncer is a beautiful blonde girl. Thirdly, I’m a 6’0″ 200-pound blonde with a black belt in karate. Fourth, the blonde woman sitting next to me is a professional weightlifter. And lastly, the blonde lady on your right is a professional wrestler.
Now, truly, Mister, do you still want to tell that joke?”
“Nah…. not if I have to explain it five times,” the blind man answers after a brief moment of thought.
What’s a crazy fact about blind girls?
They don’t semen very often.
What has four eyes but can’t see?
A blind guy with glasses.
What do you call a melon that’s deaf, and blind?
How does a blind man determine when he’s done wiping?
How do blind people read braille on a computer?
With a touchscreen.
A blind man is waiting to cross a busy roadway. Suddenly, his guide dog darts into traffic, dragging the blind guy along with him. Brakes shriek, horns honk, drivers yell, and cars collide, yet the man and dog make it to the other side unscathed. A throng forms around the man and dog, waiting to see how the guy will discipline his dog. The man takes a deep, hesitant breath and goes into his pocket, pulling out a dog biscuit and offering it to the dog.
Someone in the crow shouts, “How can you give the dog a reward for what it did?! It almost killed you!” “I’m not rewarding hit,” said the blind man. “I need to find its head so I can kick its a$$!”
Why did the blind girl break up with the boy?
She couldn’t see a future with him.
Why are blind people rarely called to testify in court?
Their testimony is hearsay.
What happens when you propose to someone blind on Friday the 13th?
They tell you that they are seeing someone else.
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On a park bench, a blind man is sitting. A Rabbi takes a seat beside him. The Rabbi is eating on some matzah. To avoid being a jerk and eating in front of others, the Rabbi takes off a piece and offers it to the blind guy.
After a few minutes, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder, and inquires,”Who wrote this bullshit?!”
What is the most difficult aspect of making love to a blind woman?
Getting her husband’s voice just right.
What did the blind girlfriend say when she touched her boyfriend’s manhood?
No thank you, I don’t smoke.
A blind man wakes up at a hospital.
Blind patient: Where am I?
Blind Patient: I know, I’m the blind one!
In a bar, a blind man and a hunchback were drinking. The hunchback immediately remembered that he told his wife he’d be home before midnight. So he dashes home, cutting across the cemetery.
While strolling through the graveyard, he hears a voice say, “Boo, I am a ghost, what’s on your back?” “Uh… that’s a hump,” says the hunchback. The ghost cries, “Give it to me!” He removes the hump and vanishes.
The hunchback, suddenly free of his hump and overcome with joy, said to himself, “I must tell my blind friend, maybe he might be treated as well.” So he runs back to the bar and tells his blind friend what happened. “Perhaps he can make you see again!” he says to his pal.
The blind man ran as fast as he could to the graveyard. When he finally arrives, the ghost appears. “Boo, I am a ghost, what do you have on your back?” “Eh… nothing,” says the blind man. “Here, have a hump!” says the ghost.
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A husband was sleeping next to his blind wife when he awoke with his wife’s hands on his face.
“What are you doing?” he said, irritated.
“I just love watching you sleep,” she added sweetly.
Blind Girl: You have the biggest dong I’ve ever touched.
Boy: Nah. You’re just pulling my leg.
Have a better one than the above blind people jokes and one-liners? Do let us know in the comments section below!