A layoff is a temporary suspension or permanent termination of employment of an employee or a group of employees for reasons such as lack of work, reorganization of a company, or financial difficulties.
Layoff jokes are hilarious remarks or jokes regarding the process of layoffs and unemployment. They can take many forms and may include irony, satire, or sarcasm to lighten a tough or stressful situation. While comedy can help people cope with difficult situations, making jokes about unemployment and financial difficulty can be disrespectful and offensive to individuals who are personally affected by such topics.
Funny Layoff Jokes
Did you hear about the layoffs at the morgue?
They’re really cutting coroners.
What do you call a layoff notice served in a bag of coffee?
Grounds for termination.
Did you hear about the layoffs at a Chinese factory?
It left many angry at having to go back to school.
Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers?
They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.
What do you call an Apple employee who got laid off?
Steve Jobless!
What do you call a furry that got laid off and laid at the same time?
A furloughed fur load.
What happens to a firefighter when he gets laid off?
He gets fired.
Did you hear that the entire Slytherin staff is getting laid off soon?
They’re getting a good Severus package.
What does Willy Wonka give his employees when they get laid off?
An everlasting jobstopper.
What happened to the electrician who was laid off?
He was delighted.
Recommended: Unemployment Jokes
Did you hear about the man who was fired from my job for making too many egg jokes?
He was laid off.
What do millennials call layoffs?
Employeets.
Did you hear about the layoffs aboard the haunted pirate ship?
They’re down to a skeleton crew.
What’d they call Adolf Hitler when he lost his job?
Laidoff Hitler.
The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he’s narrowed the choice down to Christina or Jack.
First, he invites Ann in. The boss says, “I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.”
Christina replied, “You better jack off, I’ve got a headache.”
Did you hear about all the neurons being laid off?
Lots of them are being fired.
Did you hear about the layoffs at Twitter?
They got rid of 140 characters.
During the recession, two poor pals are unable to find work.
During layoffs, they were fired from a lumber yard. They decide to enlist in the military. Because the Air Force pays the most, they head to the recruitment office the following day.
When the first guy walks in, the recruiter asks him what his previous career was, and he claims he was a pilot.
“We will accept you,” says the recruiter. So he exits the office, and the second man enters.
The same thing happens again. When the recruiter asks what his former work was, he claims he was a chopit.
Looking a bit perplexed the recruiter says, “I think we will have to pass.” The two friends meet in the parking lot and the first guy says, “I got in as a pilot.”
The second friend says, “That’s bull shit. They didn’t take me and you can’t even pilot until I chopit.”
Why was the guy at the Pepsi bottling plant laid off?
He tested positive for Coke.
Did you hear about the man being laid off from his job as a jouster?
Guess he’ll be free lancing for a while.
If a fire-fighter’s business can go up in smoke, and a plumber’s business can go down the drain,
Can a hooker get laid off?!
At work, there have been numerous layoffs.
So, to boost morale, the manager proposed a themed costume party at work. The theme he chose was “feelings,” and Jack dressed up as a smilie face.
He expected it to be lame, but it was a big success, and many of his coworkers participated. Someone wore a flashing red anger face, a sad costume that artificially sobbed, and so forth.
Everything changed, however, when Fred, who had been laid off, returned dressed as a huge pear. The boss, dressed in a red angry face, was enraged. He stormed up to him yelling, “Gary, what the hell are you doing here? Not only is this a private event but your costume doesn’t even match our theme!”
Shocked, and a little embarrassed, Fred replied, “But sir, getting laid off really depressed me. I’m in dis pear.”
How bad is the economy?
The economy is so bad, ExxonMobil just laid off 25 Congressmen.
Did you hear about the man whose job was clearing litter off the highways?
But he got laid off, even though the work was picking up.
What happened to the guy who lost his job at the orange juice factory?
He couldn’t concentrate, so they canned him.
James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant.
“Huh, ” said Bond, “you expect me to talk?”
“No Mr. Bond, ” replied the interviewer, “I expect you to dye.”
Did you hear about the cobbler who got laid off?
He got the boot!
What only works after it’s fired?
A rocket!
Recommended: Recession Jokes
What happened after the security guard was laid off?
He had to escort himself out of the building.
Why was the psychic surprised when she was laid off?
She didn’t see that coming.
A man spent his entire life working at the pickle factory. He returned home one day and informed his wife that he had been dismissed from his work.
She was speechless and on the verge of tears. “You gave them 20 years of your life, and this is how they repay you!” she exclaimed, perplexed. “What happened, and why were you laid off?”
“Well, for 20 years since I’ve worked there I’ve wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. You can call it curiosity if you want. Well, today I did it, and they fired me because of it”.
The wife rushed over to see what he had done. “Everything appears to be in order, and you do not appear to have injured yourself. But what happened to the pickle slicer?”
The man replied, “They fired her too!”
What was the reason for the background vocalist’s dismissal?
She hit a sour note.
What happens when a doctor gets fired?
He doesn’t care anymore.
What happened to the physician who got laid off?
He doesn’t care anymore.
Why was the CEO of the recliner chair company fired today?
Cause he was just too laid back.
Why did the struggling mall hair salon lay off the barbers?
They were forced to do some crew cuts.
Did you know why the undertaker was fired?
He made a very grave mistake.
Recommended: Inflation Jokes
Two brothers are laid off from work and go to the unemployment office.
The two of them apply for unemployment. The first brother is asked his occupation to which he replies, “I am a panty stitcher. I sew pantyhose for women.”
The clerk looks up his occupation and finds it to be unskilled labor. He gives the brother 300$ a week for unemployment. The clerk asks the second brother his occupation and he says, “Diesel Fitter.” It is looked up and found to be skilled labor so the brother is given $600 a week for unemployment. The first brother is angry and says it’s not fair his brother gets more money than he does.
“Well his job requires more skill.” replies the clerk.
“What skill? I sew the pantyhose and he holds them up and says, ‘diesel fitter.'”
James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant.
“Huh,” said Bond, “you expect me to talk?”
“No Mr. Bond,” replied the interviewer, “I expect you to dye.”
What did the tailor say after his client laid him off?
“Okay, suit yourself.”
Why is working at the Unemployment Office so depressing?
Because even if you get laid off, you still have to come in the next day.
Have a better layoff joke? Post your own layoff puns in the comment section below!
Appearing busy to avoid being laid off has become more exhausting than actually working.