Dive into the creamy world of mayonnaise jokes, where humor and your favorite condiment come together to create the perfect recipe for laughter. Our blog offers a delightful assortment of hilarious quips, puns, and anecdotes that will have mayonnaise lovers and foodies alike grinning from ear to ear. Whether you’re enjoying a delicious sandwich or sharing a meal with friends, these jokes are sure to spread joy and spark conversation.
So, grab a spoonful of humor and join us as we explore the delightful and amusing realm of mayonnaise jokes, guaranteed to make every meal more entertaining and memorable.
Best Mayonnaise Jokes
Murphy’s Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole’s Law?
It’s finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.
What do you say when somebody throws a jar of mayonnaise at you?
“What the Hellmann?”
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Mayonnaise.
(Mayonnaise who?)
Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the coming of the lord…
Do you know that Jackson calls his horse Mayo?
And sometimes mayo-neighs.
Yo mama so fat, she puts mayo on her Tylenol.
Why did the mayonnaise win the running race?
Because the tomato sauce couldn’t Ketchup.
A man recently switched from using mayonnaise to using butter for making grilled cheese sandwiches. His wife said that she liked them more with the butter, but kindly asked him if it was more work this way.
He answered, “It is, but only margarinely more.”
What did your father say when you dropped your phone in mayo?
“You should have been more careful in heinz sight.”
Recommended: Sandwich Jokes
What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise?
Lmayo.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened?
“Close the door, I’m dressing.”
Did you hear that scientists are worried about a new variant of COVID that makes you sweat mayonnaise?
But don’t worry, they’re confident they can contain the spread.
The Mayor of a Town gets turned into a horse.
Now, the Mayonnaise.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Mayonnaise.
(Mayonnaise who?)
Mayonnaise, my toes, my shoulder, my head.
What does your dad say when you replace his shaving cream with mayonnaise?
He shouted, “What the Hellman!”
Yo mama so fat when she sweats mayonnaise comes out.
Did you hear about the man who is throwing all his mayonnaise into the river?
He says, “That way I’ll sink all de mayo.”
What is a cat’s favorite condiment?
Mayo.
Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
Recommended: Cinco De Mayo Jokes
What do you call a sink full of mayonnaise?
Sink o de mayo.
What do you call a Mexican drowning in mayonnaise?
Sinko de Mayo.
What is the devil’s favorite mayonnaise?
Hellmann’s.
What does the sun get with it’s sandwich?
Light mayo.
A girl walks into the dry cleaners and places a garment on the counter. “I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress”.
The clerk was somewhat preoccupied and didn’t quite catch what she said, so he asked “Come again?”.
“No. This time it’s mayonnaise.”
Have you heard about Steven Tyler’s new line of sweetened mayonnaise?
No? Well, maybe you’ve heard the jingle “Sweet Emulsion.”
Isn’t it weird that so many people got sick on mayonnaise?!
That it requires a whole mayo clinic.
Yo mama so fat, she put mayonnaise on aspirin.
Student, studying music: What’s a Polonaise?
Teacher: Polish mayonnaise.
What was invented before mayonnaise?
Aprilonnaise.
Recommended: May Jokes
At the Last Supper, Jesus holds up the bread and says, “This is my body.”
Next, Jesus holds up the wine and says, “This is my blood.”
After that, Jesus holds up the mayonnaise and Peter says, “That’s enough!”
Why did the mayonnaise cross the road?
To ketchup with the mustard.
How do you call a cockney garlic mayonnaise?
An oi-oli.
Did you that every letter A you see is female?
Otherwise, they’d be mayonnaise.
What do you call fancy mayo that falls off the table?
Rollie pullie aioli.
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.
One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I was taking it out or putting it away.”
The second lady said, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs, and I can’t remember whether I was on my up, or on my way down.”
The third lady chimed in, “Well, I’m glad I don’t have those problems. Knock on wood.” With that, she rapped her knuckles on the table, then said, “That must be the door. I’ll get it.”
What’s the difference between mayonnaise and aioli?
Aioli did a semester abroad.
What kind of mayonnaise do aliens use?
Ayy lmayo.
Why should we enjoy Mayonnaise while we still can?
From next month onwards, it’s gonna be Juneonnaise!
What kind of mayonnaise is exported from France to Asia?
Japonais.
What did the Mario inspired Mayo scream when he hit his legs?
Mayo-knees!
One day, a son asks his father what a Vagina looks like.
Father: What?! Okay, before or after sex?
Son: I don’t know what that means.
Father: Well there are two different types!
Son: Umm, before sex.
Father: Oh well it looks like an Orchid at dawn just as the sun hits it, with dew drops on it, in a Botanical garden in Spring.
Son: Oh woah. What does it look like after sex?
Father: It looks like a bulldog just ate a jar of mayonnaise.
What is Doug Funny’s favorite dish?
Pâté with Mayonnaise.
How do you ask for mayonnaise in a polite manner?
“May I?”
What was Jesus’s favorite mayonnaise?
Miracle whip.
Two brothers in a bunk-bed.
There were two brothers sleeping on a bunk bed. The older brother, on top, was having sex with his girlfriend, but they knew they had to be discreet about what they were doing, so as to not corrupt the younger brother.
The couple decide they will come up with code-words: Lettuce = harder Tomato = switch positions Ham = faster
As they’re having sex, the girl is yelling, “Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, ham!!”
After they’re finished, the younger brother shouts up and says, “You guys are sloppy sandwich makers, how did you get mayonnaise on me all the way down here?!”
What do you say when you catch your friend having sex with a jar of mayonnaise?
“Fucking Hellmann.”
So there I was, balls deep in a jar of mayonnaise, and I thought to myself!
“Man! I should’ve made that sandwich first!”
What kind of mayonnaise do Nazis use?
Heilman’s.
What’s the difference between mayonnaise and sperm?
Mayonnaise doesn’t hit the back of your throat at 30mph.
What does a prostitute and mayonnaise have in common?
They both spread for bread.
Do you know that its offensive to call someone white?
Please use the politically correct term: Mayonnaise Americans.
Do you have another Mayonnaise joke? Post your Mayonnaise puns in the comment section below.
Have you heard of Kewpie Mayo?
It’s Japanaise!