75 Funny Sandwich Jokes Stacked High with Humor

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Jessica Amlee

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The sandwich, a universally beloved creation, has been satisfying hunger pangs since its reputed invention by the Earl of Sandwich in the 18th century. This versatile and portable meal comes in countless varieties, each with its own local flair—from the hearty Philly cheesesteak to the dainty cucumber sandwich of English teatime fame. Whether it’s a simple PB&J or an elaborate muffuletta, the sandwich’s ability to be both unassumingly humble and extravagantly gourmet makes it a staple in lunchboxes and gourmet cafes alike.

Nestled between the slices of any sandwich joke is a filling of wit and a spread of punny humor. Take, for instance, the classic, “Why did the sandwich get a raise?” The answer, “Because it was bread for success,” might elicit a chuckle or a groan, but always a reaction. Sandwich jokes cater to all tastes, whether they are delivered dry or with a little extra cheese. After all, a good sandwich joke is much like a sandwich itself—best enjoyed when shared, bringing a bite of joy to an otherwise plain day.

Best Sandwich Jokes

Why is a cheese sandwich better than complete happiness?
Because nothing is better than complete happiness, and a cheese sandwich is better than nothing.

How is life a lot like eating a shit sandwich?
The more bread you got, the less shit you eat.

Which English town makes the worst sandwiches?

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?
Diagon alley.

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”

Did you hear about that new heavy metal themed sandwich shop?
It’s called Pantera Bread.

Did you hear about this Indian who wanted to make and sell sandwiches?
He opened a New Delhi.

Did you hear about the sandwich who went to the doctor?
He went to the mayo clinic.

Why does Subway call its employees Sandwich Artists?
So you can finally say you are earning money as an artist.

What is the preferred sandwich of the working class?
A plebian-J.

Two men are drinking in a bar.
They pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in.
The bartender comes over and says, “You can’t eat your own food in here!”
So they swapped sandwiches.

When does a sandwich cook?
When it’s bakin’ lettuce and tomato.

What do you put on a lonely grilled cheese sandwich?

What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that gets right up in your face?
Too close for comfort food.

What do you get when you feed an Eevee a sandwich?
A Luncheon!

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One day two sandwiches are sitting in a deli. One sandwich – a veggie sandwich – asks the other, “Hey man if you could be any kind of sandwich, what would you be?”
The other sandwich – a turkey sandwich – isn’t in the mood. He retorts, “I’m tired man. I don’t feel like having a deep conversation right now.”
But the veggie sandwich persists, “I’m sorry to bug you. It’s just that I’m doing this study for a class. I need to know your response in order to fully understand the psyche and whims of a turkey sandwich. I promise, just the one question, and that’s it.”
The turkey sandwich replies, “Look man, I’m happy just being a turkey sandwich. I know I’m not the most exotic food item out there, but I’m content with my situation.”
The veggie sandwich tries taking a more motivational approach, “Come on man, I’m not trying to imply that you’re not awesome. Of course, you are. But surely you have dreams. We all have dreams. If you could be ANY kind of sandwich in the world, what would you be?”
The turkey sandwich is still reluctant to enter into anything resembling a philosophical conversation with the veggie sandwich. It’s always ended poorly in the past, but he knows how relentless the veggie sandwich can be. “Fine,” he says, knowing that he has to make a decision. “If pressed, I would be a panini.”

What’s better than a tuna sandwich?
A three-na sandwich.

Why doesn’t Chick-fil-A have a double chicken sandwich?
2 chicks together isn’t really their thing.

What is it called when a robot eats a sandwich in one chomp?
A megabyte.

What did the sandwich say to the doorman?
“Lettuce in.”

Blind Man: I love this half-sandwich restaurant.
His friend: What do you mean? They only serve full sand…
Service Dog: (puts a paw on the friend’s lips).

McDonalds just released a new sandwich made entirely of beef lips.
They’re calling it the McJagger.

What do you call it when you linger too often at a Tibetan sandwich shop?
A daily dilli-dallie at the Dalai Deli.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite fast food sandwich?

A man walked into a bar with a sandwich taped to his head.
The bartender said, “Why the hell do you have a sandwich taped to your head?” The man said, “My family always wears a sandwich hat on Wednesdays.” The bartender said, “It’s Tuesday.”
The man hung his head in shame and said, “Gosh, I must look pretty silly right now, then.”

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What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a Subway sandwich?
“Make me one with everything!”

Where does Elsa order her sandwiches?
The arenDeli.

What do astronauts put on their sandwiches?
Launch meat.

What is Santa’s favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jolly.

A boy dreams of one day working at his favorite sandwich shop.
And so, he asks the owner if he could see how the sandwiches are made. Delighted, the owner shows him how he grinds his own peanut butter, prepares his own pickles, and even whips up his own mayonnaise. The boy is so excited that he blurts out his deepest wish–to see how the owner makes his signature sandwich, a wrap with the most deliciously spiced meat the boy had ever tasted.
The owner assents, showing him how he bakes his own pita bread, mixes his own yogurt sauce, and formulates his own spice blend. Shaking with excitement, the boy watches as the owner carefully pours the spice blend onto his own freshly made…tofu.
With barely a whisper, the boy says, “It was tofu this whole time?”
The owner understands his mixture of disappointment and confusion. He places a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder and says,
“Let this be a lesson, child. Never meat your gyros.”

What’s the worst jelly to put on your sandwich?
Traffic Jam.

What’s a singer’s favorite sandwich?

What’s a porcupine’s favorite kind of sandwich?
Quilled cheese.

What do you call a sandwich that tells stories?
A fairly stale bread.

A homeless man approached a grad student as he was leaving a sandwich shop and he asked the student if he had $5 to spare. The student felt bad for him and was just about to give him the money.
But then he realized that he was holding a $5 foot long he had just bought, so he held up both the cash and the sandwich and told him he could have whichever one he preferred.
The homeless man stared at the sandwich. Then his eyes shot over to the $5 bill. He looked at the sandwich again, then back at the cash. After a moment his eyes were darting back and forth between the two, and he threw up his hands in despair, let out a scream of anguish, and then turned and ran away from me.
At first, the grad student was totally confused, but then it dawned on him: Beggars can’t be choosers.

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What’s a honeymoon sandwich?
Lettuce alone with no dressing!

What does Emma Watson put on her sandwiches?
Her mionnnaise.

Did you hear about the sandwich’s wedding?
It was mostly all bologna, but it had a great toast.

Where does a sandwich go when it gets good grades?
Honor roll.

A man walks into a sandwich shop.
He asks for a BLT on rye, pays for it, and leaves. The next week he does the same and the week after that as well. Years go by and the man still comes for his weekly sandwich and is now a recognized face at the restaurant and is a friend of the owner.
One day the owner asks him, “Why don’t you ever get a different sandwich?”
The man replies, “I like what I like but if you want, you can make me a different sandwich next week”
So the next week comes and the man walks into the restaurant anticipating the new sandwich. The owner sees him and gives him the new sandwich. The man takes a bite, chews it, and swallows.
He turns to the owner, a confused look on his face, “There’s nothing new on this sub.”

Kid: Dad, make me a sandwich!
Dad: Poof, you’re a sandwich!

Why did the chemist die after making himself a Pb & Jelly sandwich?
He got lead poisoning.

What has bread on both sides and is scared of everything?
A chicken sandwich.

What’s a whale’s favorite sandwich?
A krill-cheese sandwich.

How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?
One to make the sandwich,
One to excoriate men for creating hunger,
One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,
One to suggest the whole “putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread” bit to be too “rape-like”,
One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being phallic,
One to blame men for not making the sandwich,
One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,
One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,
One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,
One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin-star chefs,
One to alert the media that women are now “out-sandwiching” men,
And one to take pictures for her blog for photo evidence that men are unnecessary.

What do you get when you put a blunt wooden weapon in between two slices of bread?
A club sandwich.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite snack?
A knuckle sandwich.

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What’s your favorite type of sandwich?
Mines an LGBT. Lettuce Guacamole Bacon Tomato!

How does Wesley serve you a steak dip sandwich?
Au jus wish.

Two brothers shared a bedroom and bunk beds. The older brother had the top bunk. He wanted to bring his girlfriend over to spend the night. He tells his girlfriend if she wants it faster say lettuce, harder say tomato.
The younger brother wakes up hearing, “lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tomato.” He yells up to his older brother and says, “I know you guys are making sandwiches up there but can you stop dropping the mayo!”

What do you call a Sandwich in Notre Dame Cathedral?
The Lunch pack of Notre dame.

What happened to the bacteria’s plot to eat the sandwich?
It was foiled.

Which English noble was the most inbred?
The Earl of Sandwich.

What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sandwich.

There was an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff.
The Englishman said, “If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I’ll jump off this cliff.”
The Scotsman said, “If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I’ll jump off the cliff.”
The Irishman said, “If I have ham tomorrow, I’ll jump off the cliff.”
The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped.
At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, “Why didn’t they just tell us they didn’t like their sandwiches?” The Irish lady said, “I don’t know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches.”

What is 50 Cent’s favorite sandwich?
Da club.

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What do you call an angry sandwich?
A pissed-trami.

What did the pulled pork say to the pulled pork sandwich?
“You’re on a Roll!!!”

What’s the loudest kind of sandwich?
A B. yell T.

A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”
The rabbi responds, “Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.”
The priest then asks, “Have you ever eaten pork?”
To which the rabbi replies, “Yes, on one occasion I did succumb To temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.”
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”
The rabbi then asked him, “Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The priest replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.”
The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said,
“Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?”

Why do Texas women make sandwiches with their left hands?
Because they have no rights.

What is a vampire’s least favorite sandwich?
Hamon Cheese.

Why are sandwiches so popular in Alabama?
They’re inbread.

What do you call someone who assists in stealing sandwiches from McDonald’s?
Hamburglar Helper.

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00.
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, “Can I help you?”
I was wondering, whispers the man, “Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”
“Yes,” she purrs, “Indeed I am.”
The man replies, “Well wash your f*cking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!”

What city loves to eat sandwiches?

What do you call a bondage-themed sandwich shop?

Who makes the sandwich in a lesbian relationship?
Neither. They both eat out!

Why do we celebrate women on March 9?
After all, International Sandwich Day is on November 3.

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks directly up to the Madam, drops down $500, and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!”
The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal.” The trucker replies, “Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick.”

What do you call someone giving two simultaneous hand jobs?
A pulled pork sandwich.

Why do rednecks love sandwiches?
Because they’re inbred too.

What do the highest-paid women in the WNBA make?

Do you have a funny Sandwich joke? Write down your own puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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