Jessica Amlee
When it comes to sex positions, missionary is undoubtedly the most prevalent and, regrettably, underappreciated & underrated. Also, we are not the only ones to use it. In the Republic of Congo’s Nouabale-Ndoki National Park, a female gorilla named Leah and her group’s dominant male silverback, George, were pictured face to face while copulating. So while today’s youth obsesses over their 69s and cowgirls, the real OG position is overlooked.
Since its fair to say that if you’ve ever had sex, you’ve tried the OG position before that is why we have prepared a list of some of the best missionary position jokes. So, put your feet up cause we’d like to use this opprtunity to urge you to relax, sit back, and enjoy.
Best Missionary Position Jokes
Friend 1: I just found out why the missionary position is called missionary….
Friend 2: Why does everything literally circle back to colonizers?
Why was the missionary position called missionary?
That’s how missionaries slept.
Blonde, brunette, and redhead in an OBGYN office.
The brunette says her kid will be a priest because she likes the missionary position.
The redhead says her kid will be a construction worker because she likes it piledriver style.
The blonde bursts into tears, and cries, “Oh no, I’m having puppies!”
What do you call two fat people when mating?
Missionary impossible.
What’s a nun’s favourite position?
Missionary!
A guy at the bar asks, “What’s your wife’s favourite position?
My wife’s favourite position is the missionary position. That’s when she’s on her back in bed…and I’m in Africa.
What’s a Mormon’s favourite coitus position?
You’d probably think it’s missionary, but I’m pretty sure they’d try the back door if they had the chance.
“Go hang out with your friends, talk to them, listen to their thoughts about alternative love-making methods, and then come home to me,” the wife tells her husband, who is bored of having it only in the missionary style.
The spouse walks around the neighborhood, talks to his friends, becomes enlightened, and returns home pumped. “Woman, woman, woman! Come on in, I learned a new style today, so let’s give it a shot!” The woman is overjoyed that her husband has picked it up so quickly, so they go into the bedroom and have sex. “However, this was a missionary…”, the wife explains.
“This is carpenter style,” the husband responds, “didn’t you notice the pencil behind my ear?”
Why do rednecks only have missionary sex?
Because they refuse to turn their back on Family.
What’s a priest’s favourite sex position?
Missionary.
When a missionary is living with a tribe in the jungle, the tribe’s chief approaches him one day and says, “You’re the only white man in this town, and now my daughter has a white child! Prepare to perish unless you explain yourself!”
The missionary pauses for a moment before responding, “Nature is full of marvels. Take a look at those sheep on the other side of the fence. With the exception of one black lamb, they’re entirely white.”
“If you keep quiet, I’ll keep quiet as well,” the Chief says.
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Why did the prostitute join the Mormon church?
She wanted a raise for being good at missionary position.
What did the Russian policeman say to the prostitute?
“Pay the fine. Just because you spend most of your time in the missionary position, doesn’t make you a missionary.”
How does a Dolphin get his woman to work in a missionary position?
Flipper.
I once met a missionary.
He described the position as “interesting.”
What did the naive husband do when the wife asked him to do missionary?
He went to Africa.
What skills do Christian hookers have?
Being good at missionary positions.
“The supper is fantastic,” my mother-in-law exclaimed. She inquired, “How did you do this turkey?”
When I said “missionary position,” I don’t think she was amused.
Why was the missionary position called missionary?
Cause it was discovered by the missionaries.
When she is already screaming in the missionary position and then you put her legs on your shoulder to get deeper and end her life…
She died, leave her….she is already dead.
What is a revolution in the world of love-making?
Going from missionary to doggy in the same session.
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What is the synonym of boring?
Missionary position.
Name one thing that Covid has taken away that we’ll never get back?
The missionary position without a mask on!
Keep an eye on this space as we are going to keep updating these missionary position jokes and puns for you!
