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99 Best Gay Jokes That You Would Want To Keep Cumming

Funny Gay Jokes on Homosexual
Best Gay Jokes

Recently, we found out most of our website viewers are over the age of 18 years old so you know what? We’re just gonna have some fun, okay. We are gonna share some gay jokes. And by the way, our channel is for the empowerment of LGBTQ and part of empowerment and the normalcy of being LGBTQ is equality and equality means you’re willing to laugh at yourself sometimes and be equal. And that’s what this blog is all about having some fun so please don’t take offence to any of the jokes.

The jokes below are written and shared by gay people and are actually funny. So, if you are still reading this then I think we have a similar sense of humor which serves and gives an opportunity for others to feel inclusive.

Funny Gay Jokes

What do bungee jumpers and gay men have in common?

They’ll both be in big trouble if the rubber breaks.


What’s the difference between a gay man and Adolf Hitler?

A 45-degree angle.


What do you call a homosexual police dog?

A gaynine.


90% of women do not like men in pink shirts.

Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts do not like women.


And when the gay man receives the donation tin, he leaves a $1000 in the tin. When the tin arrives at the pastor’s office, he is taken aback! “Whoever made such a tremendous donation, please make yourself known!” he exclaims. “I did,” the gay man adds as he stands up. The pastor gives the man a friendly grin and says, “Thank you so much for such a generous contribution to this church! The church would appreciate it if you could choose three hymns “..

“I’ll take him, and him, and him!” the gay man says as he points around the cathedral.


Why do straight men make so many gay jokes?

Some are testing the waters to see who they can talk into brojobs.


How can you tell if a novel is a homosexual?

The hero always gets his man in the end.


How do you know when you have walked into a gay church service?

Only half of the congregation will be kneeling.


What do you call a group of homosexual lions?

Gay pride.


What do you call a fat homosexual?

Jiggly Puff.


Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why?

To go to the gay person’s house.

Didn’t get it.

*Knock Knock*

Who’s there?

The Chicken.


Did you hear about the Chinese homosexual that got addicted to video games?

His name is Gay Ming.


Have you heard about the gay magician?

He disappears in a poof.


How are weed and gay similar?

Nobody has a problem with it until someone blows it on their face.


What do you call an annoying gay man?

A pain in the arse.


How do 5 gay men walk?

One Direction!


There’s Benjamin and Barney, two gay men who are planning a romantic supper together.

“I’ll bring flowers tonight,” Benjamin says, “and I hope you like them.”

“And I’ll bring you a surprise gift you’ll never forget!” says Barney.

Before the meal, Barney rushes to a tattoo parlour and has two letters “B”s tattooed on each of his bu**cheeks. The artist performs an excellent job. Barney simply admires how good the two “B”s look on his a**, as they signify his and Benjamin’s loving connection.

They swap gifts at the dinner table. Benjamin says to Barney after giving him the flowers: “So, what exactly is this “surprise gift” you mentioned? What happened to it?”

“Hold on a second,” Barney replies, “have a look at this- I made it just for the two of us!”

He leaps onto the table, squats, and takes his pants down, and ta-da! He displays his gleaming smooth a** with the two “B” tattoos on his cheeks.

With a bewildered and dissatisfied expression on his face, Benjamin asks Barney: “Excuse me, but who the heck is Bob?”


What do you call a gay Eskimo?

A snow blower.


What do you call a gay hobbit?

Fruit by the foot.


Which character is the gayest video game character of all time?

Pacman – who eats 200 balls each game.


Three gay guys are in a bar and get drunk. They begin to argue over who has the largest a**hole. The first person grabs a baseball bat and slams it in his arse. The second man chuckles and grabs a bar stool and shoves it up there. The third guy just smiles and stares at them both before putting a quater in his a**. The sound of a jukebox begins to play.


What do you call a gay cowboy?

A Jolly Rancher.


Two gay men pass a mortuary on their way down the street. “I’m just going to stop in here for a cold one,” one says to the other. Is it not amusing? The next day, the same two gay men are strolling down the street when they notice a dog licking his balls. “I wish I could do that,” one says to the other. “I think you should pet him first,” replies the other.


Did you hear about the gay guy who was kicked off the golf course?

Yes, he was playing with too many strokes.


One day, four men went golfing together; three went to the first tee, while one went into the clubhouse to pay the bill. The three guys began to chat about their sons and brag about them.

First Dad: My son is a building contractor. He’s so successful that he built a new home for a friend for free.

Second Dad: My son is a car dealer. He is so successful that recently he gifted his friend an electric car.

Third Dad: My son is a restaurant owner. Recently, his restaurant chain has gone international. He is so successful that he handed out his friend a Dining Privilege membership for 3 years.

The fourth dad joined the group later. The first dad: We were just discussing our sons. How is yours doing?

Fourth Dad: The fourth person responded, “My son is gay. I’m not crazy about it, but I’m sure he’s good. His previous three boyfriends each gifted him with a new house, electric car and free food.”


Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark protection?

So gay guys could play Star Wars.


What do you call a gay bar?

A fruit stand.


A man stood in the delivery room next to his wife, who had just given birth to their first child.

“Hey doc, how long till we can make love again?” he adds gently to the doctor.

“Meet me in the parking lot in 30 minutes,” the doctor adds.


I went to the doctor and explained my situation “Doc, It hurts my bottom!”

“Could you tell me exactly where it hurts?” he said.

“Right around the opening, it’s pretty sore,” I explained.

“My advice is that as long as you name it the entrance, it will hurt,” he stated.


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What do you call a gay man with diarrhoea?

JuicyFruit.


Which is the favourite planet of a gay man?

Uranus.


I don’t think having gay parents is fair to the kids.

They either get stuck with twice the dad jokes or get trapped in a never-ending cycle of “go ask your mother.”


For dinner, John asked his mother over. His mother couldn’t help but notice how attractive John’s roommate was during lunch. She had been dubious about Johns’ sexual orientation for a long time, and this only piqued her interest.

While observing the two interact throughout the evening, she began to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than greeted the eye. “I know what you must be thinking,” John said, reading his mother’s mind. “But rest assured Mark and I are only roomies.”

Mark approached John about a week later and said, “I haven’t been able to locate the lovely silver gravy ladle since your mother arrived for dinner. You don’t think she’ll take it, do you?”

“Well, I doubt it,” John remarked, “but just to be sure, I’ll write her a note.” So he sat down and penned the following: “I’m not claiming you ‘took’ a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you ‘didn’t’ take a gravy ladle from my house. But the fact is that one has been missing since you arrived for dinner.”

John received a letter from his mother a few days later, which read: “I’m not saying you ‘do’ sleep with Mark, and I’m not saying you ‘do not’ sleep with Mark. However, if he were sleeping in his own bed, he would have discovered the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom.”


What do you call two gay Irishmen?

Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.


What is warm, wet and sticky and falls from the sky?

The coming of the Lord.


They claim that homosexual marriage will undermine the world’s social fabric, yet this is not the case.

Gays would never do a thing to harm fabric.


At the same moment, a gay couple and a lesbian couple check into a hotel. There’s a fire that night.

Which couple will be the first to leave the building?

You’d assume it’d be the gay ones, given they’d already had their shit packed, but it was the lesbians who got out of there lickety-split.


What do you call a gay pilot?

A pilot, you f*cking prick!


That awkward moment when gays realise…

the lines on the gay flag are STRAIGHT.


What is the best weather to drive as a gay?

It will be the fog. Can’t see shit.


Have you heard about the two gay men who attacked the girl?

One held her down while the other took care of her hair.


So, this guy tells his father about his first paratrooper training experience:

“Well, I stated I didn’t want to jump because I was terrified.”

“And…?” says the father.

“Well, kid, I’m gay, and there’s just one way you’re getting out of this,” the jumpmaster remarked.

“Did you jump?” asked the father.

“At the start, a bit.”


What’s the hardest part of rollerblading?

Telling your father you’re gay.


There was this guy who strolled into a bar and ordered ten shots of whiskey from the bartender.

“What’s the matter?” the bartender inquires.

“I found out my brother is gay and married my best buddy,” the man says.

The same man returns the next day and wants 12 shots of whiskey.

“What’s wrong this time?” the bartender inquires.

“I discovered that my son is gay,” he says

The following day, the same man enters the bar and demands 15 whiskey shots.

“Doesn’t anyone in your family enjoy women?” the bartender continues.

“Apparently my wife does,” the man replies as he glances up.


When four gay men come into a gay pub, they discover a problem. There’s only one more stool available.

“Let’s flip for it,” one man offers.

“No, let’s flip it over,” says another.


What does a horse eat?

Hay.

What does a gay horse eat?

“Heeeyy.”


What do you call a gay milkman?

A dairy queen.


What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Mega-sore-ass.


A man decides that he would want a pet and visits a pet store.

He notices a parrot resting on a small perch with no feet or legs after glancing around. “Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?” the man exclaims aloud.

“I was born this way,” the parrot explains. “I’m a faulty parrot.”

The guy laughs and says, “Ha, ha.” “It sounded like this parrot understood what I was saying and responded.”

The parrot declares, “I comprehend every word.” “I am an extremely bright and well-educated bird.”

The guy asks, “Yeah?” “Then tell me how you hang on to your perch when you don’t have any feet.”

“Well, this is a little embarrassing,” the parrot adds, “but since you asked, I’ll tell you.” I make a small hook out of my parrot penis by wrapping it around this wooden plank. Because of my feathers, you can’t see it.”

“Wow,” the guy adds, “you can truly understand and respond; can’t you?”

“Yes, of course. I am bilingual (Spanish and English). On practically any issue, including politics, religion, sports, science, and philosophy, I can talk with remarkable expertise. And ornithology is one of my specialities. You should buy me since I am a wonderful friend.”

The gentleman sees the $250.00 price tag. He declares. “I’m sorry, but I can’t afford it.”

“Pssst,” the parrot hisses, waving one wing over the man. “Because I don’t have any feet, no one wants me. You can get me for $25.00 if you make a reasonable offer.”

The man makes a twenty five-dollar offer and leaves with the parrot. Weeks pass, and the parrot continues to amaze. He’s interesting; he’s hilarious; he’s a fantastic friend; he understands everything, empathises, and offers sound advice. The man is overjoyed.

When the man returns home from work, the parrot calls out, “Pssst,” and motions him over with one wing. The man approaches the cage closely. “I’m not sure if I should tell you or not,” the parrot says, “but it’s about your lover and the mailman.”

“What?” the man inquires.

“Well, when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that revealed everything and kissed him on the mouth,” the parrot replies. The parrot takes a long pause…

“What went wrong? What went wrong? “asks the agitated individual.

“That is what irritates me. I’m not sure “The parrot remarked. “I got a hard-on and fell off my f*cking perch,” says the narrator.


What’s the most commonly used pickup line in gay bars?

“Can I push in your stool?”


How do you know when you’re at a gay Barbeque?

When the hot dogs taste like shit.


Two deer emerge from a gay bar.

“Man, I can’t believe I blew $20 in there,” one admits to another.


What is the world’s most dangerous slide for children?

Your throat.


When the home catches fire, two gay males are upstairs f***ing. Who will be the first to leave?

Because he already has his shit packed, the first one will be the bottom one.


There were two pals, one of whom was gay, who were killed in a car accident. When St. Peter met them, they had both gone to heaven and were standing at the pearly gates.

St. Peter requested a photograph of the first man’s wife. St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her after seeing the picture.

“I was unfaithful to my wife once,” the man admitted.

St. Peter decided to provide the man with a station waggon to drive about heaven in.

It was now the turn of the second man.

St. Peter demanded a photograph of his wife before asking if he had ever cheated on her.

“Actually, I’m gay,” the man said, “but here’s a picture of my sweetheart, and I’ve never cheated on him.”

St. Peter was so taken with the man that he decided to give him a Ferrari to drive around heaven in.

The two buddies reunited in paradise after a few months apart. When the second man was talking about his Ferrari, the other turned around and said to him, “If I were you, I wouldn’t boast. I just happened to catch a glimpse of your partner on a skateboard.”


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In a musical instrument store, how can you detect a gay?

It’s them who’s licking the organ.


Do you know where top gays go when they are sent to hell?

A bottomless pit.


Why did the gay man get fired from the sperm bank?

He drank on the job.


Is there a difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

When you pull out your meat from a fridge it does not fart.


A young gay man visits his Jewish mother and tells her that he has decided to come out of the closet since he has met a wonderful girl with whom he intended to marry. He assures his mother that she will be happier because he knows how upsetting his gay lifestyle has been for her.

She expresses her excitement and hesitantly says, “I guess it would be too much to anticipate that she will be Jewish?” He informs her that the girl is not only Jewish but also comes from an affluent Beverly Hills family. Her father is a physician.

She expresses her surprise at the news and inquires, “What is the name of this amazing girl?”

“Monica Lewinsky,” he says.

After a little pause, his mother inquires, “What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?”


Why are all these politicians closeted gays?

Cause they can only mandate.


A condom floats up in the centre of a hot tub full of three males.

One guy looks at the others and says, “Okay, who farted?”


What do an ambulance and a gay guy have in common?

They both load from the rear and go ‘WHOOOOOOOOO.


Three gay guys had died and were being cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same moment, and they were debating how they would dispose of the ashes.

“My Ryan liked to fly, so I’m going up in a plane to disperse his ashes in the skies,” the first man stated.

“My Ross was a good fisherman,” the second man explained, “so I’m going to sprinkle his ashes at our favourite lake.”

“My Jack was such a fantastic lover,” the third man continued, “I think I’m going to pour his ashes in a pot of chilli so he can tear my a** up one more time.”


What do you call a bouncer at a gay club?

A flame thrower.


On a first date, what do gay men bring?

A condom.


On a second date, what do gay guys bring?

What 2nd date?


What do you call a gay dentist?

A Tooth Fairy.


A gay couple drives through the countryside, going through a woodland. They pull over because one of them needs to poop. “I told you we shouldn’t do it in the a**, see, I just gave birth to a baby, look at those little hands, look at those small feet,” the one who wanted to poop exclaims. “You idiot, you pooped on a dead frog,” said the other.


What do you call a gay Arab man?

A Hummus Sexual.


What do you call two gay guys in a sleeping bag?

A fruit roll up.


What do you call a gay boxer?

Fruit punch.


Did you hear about the gay cowboy?

He rode into town and shot up the sheriff!


What is the favourite saying among gays?

We can’t have babies… but it doesn’t mean we can’t keep trying.


A man was strolling down the street when he came upon a ladder with the words “Climb the ladder to success” written on it and an arrow pointing up.

He climbed the rickety ladder three stories to a little balcony, curious. He discovered a naked man seductively reclining with a raging hard-on on the balcony. “What the f*ck is happening on here, and who are you?” he shouted.

“Hello, my name is Sess,” the strange man said.


What is a crazy statistic about gays?

50% of gay men are born that way, the other 50% were sucked into it.


What does one gay sperm have to say to the other?

“With all of this shit in the way, how are you supposed to find the egg?”


Two gay guys make the decision to start a family. They combine their sperm and artificially inseminate a surrogate mother. They run to the hospital as soon as the baby is born. There are three dozen newborns in the ward, 35 of whom are screaming and sobbing. In the corner, one is smiling serenely. When a nurse comes by, she identifies the happy child as theirs, to the surprise of the gays. “Isn’t it fantastic?” Joey is ecstatic. “There are so many unhappy kids, and ours is so joyful.” “He’s happy now,” the nurse says. But wait until we remove the pacifier from his a**.”


Why you shouldn’t joke about gay people?

They always take things the wrong way.


A lesbian couple and a gay couple are planning a cross-country road trip. Who will arrive at their destination first?

Lesbians, to be precise. They’re going 69, while the boys are still at home packing their shit.


What do you call a Jewish gay man?

A He-blow.


How do two gay men settle an argument?

They step outside and exchange blows.


What do you call a gay in a wheelchair?

RollAIDS.


What happens if you try Sodomy with your boyfriend?

It makes his hole weak.


When a gay man wins cruise tickets, he plans to take his two best friends and their wives, as well as his spouse. They’re all on a trip having a nice time when the ship is involved in an accident and everyone aboard dies.

They all appear before St. Peter. The two women are the first to ascend, and St. Peter welcomes them. When the first straight man arrives, St. Peter stops him and says, “I’m afraid I can’t let you in because you have an unhealthy obsession with money. You even married a woman named Penny, didn’t you?”

And he was relegated to the depths of hell.

When the next straight person comes up to St. Peter, he adds, “I can’t let you in either because you have an unhealthy obsession with eating. You even got married to a Candy.”

And he was relegated to the depths of hell.

“This doesn’t look good for me, Diggory,” the gay man said to his companion.


Why do gay men wear moustaches?

To hide the stretch marks.


How could we have made the film Saving Private Ryan shorter?

By introducing gay men in the military.


What do you call a floating gay person?

FLAMBUOYANT.


One day, when a man discovers he is gay, he goes to a gay pub and takes a seat at the bar in the hopes of finding a date.

Two men sit on either side of him, and one of them lets out a very light, airy fart. A few seconds later, the man on the right lets out a soft, airy fart as well. Our new guy bursts out an extremely loud and raucous fart, not wanting to be the odd man out who doesn’t fart.

“Ha, virgin,” says the man on his left looking to the man on his right.


What is the primary distinction between a straight and gay man?

A straight man undresses a woman with his eyes, a gay man puts her in an entirely different outfit.


Gay guy: Have some pepperoni?

Butcher: Yes, okay, I’ll slice that up for you.

Gay guy: “What do I look like, a slot machine!”


Why are gays so knowledgeable about clothing?

They spent the first decade or two of their lives in the closet.


Three friends visit a ski resort for a vacation. Due to their financial constraints, they can only afford a lodge with one huge bed. They all crash in the same bed for the night.

That night, all three of them wake up at the same moment after having a bizarre dream. “I just dreamed that someone was giving me a hand job!” says the guy on the far left.

“Yeah, I dreamed about that too!” replies the guy on the far right.

“That’s funny, I was dreaming I was skiing!” says the guy in the middle.


What happens when you ask a gay man about LGBTQ?

You never get a straight answer.


How many gay guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Otherwise, it would turn into lovemaking.


On a bus excursion, a gay couple was on vacation. Unfortunately, there had been a mix-up with hotel reservations, so all passengers were forced to sleep on the bus the first night. One of them was horny and wanted to make love after everyone had gone to sleep. The other traveller did not agree that disturbing the other passengers was a good idea. Oh, they’re all asleep, adds the other guy, and you can see for yourself. And he asks, a little louder, whether anyone has a light. When no one responds, they decide to carry out the deed.

The tour leader inquires the next morning if everyone had a good night’s sleep. One older man in the bus’s back row responds that he had been cold all night. The Guide inquires as to why he did not request a blanket. The elderly gentleman said, “I wouldn’t dare; there was a man who was raped after asking for a light.”


Two gay men climb the stairwell.

“Why does it suddenly smell like sperm in here?” the second guy inquires of the first.

“Oh apologies, I just farted,” the first responds.


Are you guys serious about cracking gay jokes?

This sense of humor is so immature. It isn’t even m”oral”ly right.


We hope you appreciate our effort to put up this list for you to enjoy.

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