Burgers have been making people smile for a long time with their soft buns, juicy patties, and toppings that somehow always slide out at the worst moment. Grabbing a burger is rarely a simple meal because it usually comes with extra cheese, huge bites, and a pile of napkins ready for the mess. Even the calmest person at the table suddenly pays full attention once a hot burger and crispy fries land in front of them.
Burger jokes make everything even more fun because burgers already remind people of parties, midnight cravings, and relaxed food breaks with friends. One minute, everyone is having a normal conversation, and the next minute, they are laughing over silly burger talk that sounds far more important than it should. That simple mix of food and laughter is what makes burger jokes so entertaining.
Best Burger Jokes
What do you call a vegan burger?
A misteak.
A scientist dropped a burger and a broccoli from the top of a building to see which one of them would hit the ground first. Which one hit the ground first?
The burger. This is because burger is a Fast food.
A friend of mine has been rushed to the hospital after eating a horse-burger.
Apparently, he is now in a stable condition.
What are cows’ knees called?
Burger joints.
It’s kind of silly that we’re trying to turn plants into burgers.
Haven’t cows been doing that for like, forever?!
Little Johnny was enjoying the most delicious burger at the food court.
A vegan looked at his burger and said, “You know, a cow died so you could have that burger.”
Mid-bite, he looked at his salad and responded, “Maybe he died because you keep eating all its food!”
Yo mama so fat, she went to Burger King and they named her the Emperor.
What do you call a burger made with cheeta meat?
Fast food.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Gorilla.
(Gorilla who?)
Gorilla a burger, I’m hungry.
A burger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food.”
Mr. Steven went to a beachside restaurant in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger.
He says that It was good, but the bill was enormous.
An elderly couple stands at the counter at the local burger joint. The man orders a deluxe burger, large fries, and a cup of decaf. The counter clerk turns to the woman and asks her what she would like.
“Oh, nothing for me, deary. My husband and I share everything.’”
The clerk hits a key on the register and tells the couple that the cost of the meal is $4.98.
The old man reaches into his pockets and pulls out a handful of coins. Slowly and carefully, without a penny to spare, he counts out the exact amount and hands it to the cashier.
A young man standing behind the couple watches this. As the clerk assembles the couple’s order, he leans forward and says, “I’d be honored to buy you another burger and fries.”
The old man turns to the young man and says, “Thank you, but my wife and I share everything.”
The old man carries the tray of food to a table and they sit. Carefully, he cuts the burger in half, divides the fries into two equal portions, and passes half of the food to the woman. He sets the decaf in the center of the table so they can both reach it. Then he begins to eat.
A few minutes later, the young man sits down at the table next to them. As he gobbles down his food, he notices that, while the elderly man eats, the woman is quietly sipping decaf. When he looks at her food, he sees that she hasn’t eaten a single bite. Again, he leans toward the couple and says, “I really would be honored to buy you another meal.’”
The old man says, “No, thank you. We share everything,” and calmly resumes eating.
“I just hate to see you go hungry,” the young man laments to the woman.
“Oh, I’m not going hungry,” the old woman says. “I’m waiting for the teeth.”
What did the scientist call his fast food restaurant?
Buns N Burgers.
“Burger” backwards…
…is Scooby Doo offering to give you a leg massage.
How does autocorrect like its burgers cooked?
We’ll done.
Mr. Rogers went to the doctor recently.
The doctor said, “Don’t eat anything fatty.”
Mr. Rogers said, “What, like bacon and burgers?”
The doctor said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything.”
My doctor recommended eating at Burger King more often.
Well, he said I should not have McDonald’s anymore, but I know what he meant.
A man walked into a library and said, “I’ll have a burger and fries, please.”
The librarian looked at him and said, “Sir, this is a library.”
The man whispered back, “Oh, sorry, I’ll have a burger and fries, please.”
Just found out a hair in my McDonald’s burger, which is surprising…
Never knew that they used natural ingredients.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Ada
(Ada who?)
Ada burger for lunch!
There’s a new burger chain that’s going after Burger King.
To one-up Burger King, they called their new restaurants Burger God.
Their slogan is “Have it Yahweh.”
How did the burger propose to the fry?
With an onion ring.
A husband and wife on a holiday were driving through New Mexico.
As they approached Albuquerque, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name of the city. The husband thought it was pronounced like Albu-que-que, while the wife thought it was pronounced like Albu-kway-kway. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband said to the restaurant worker, “Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Can you please pronounce the name of the place we’re in?”
She leaned over the counter and said, “Burger King.”
Julius Caesar was coming out of McDonald’s. Brutus asked him if he liked the burger.
Caesar nodded in the affirmative and then added “ate two, Brutus.”
My friend is in the hospital after he ate a giant bacon cheeseburger.
It was mine.
What do you call a cheeseburger at the playground?
A slider.
Nicole is such a big fan of the Royal Family; each of her four sons is named after a king.
Henry
George
Charles
Burger.
Mr. Reeves thought it would be nice to share a burger with the homeless guy he keeps seeing on his way to work.
But that stingy jerk told him to go get his own.
What did the pilot order at the restaurant?
Just a plane burger.
Why shouldn’t you buy a hamburger in Athens?
Because it is way too Greecey.
This guy walked up to the counter and said, “Burger and chips, please.”
“Certainly, sir,” the attendant replied. “Are you eating in or taking out?”
“Buzz off, you idiot,” he snapped, before walking off with his food.
The attendant says that he loves working in the prison canteen.
What is a snowman’s favorite lunch?
An Iceberger!
Why did the cheeseburger fight the veggie burger?
It had beef.
Starting a new business tomorrow.
It will be a gym for two weeks in January, and then a beer and burger place for the rest of the year.
Calling it “Resolutions.”
What do you call two burger buns that came out of the oven, stuck to each other?
Sesamese twins.
How do you stop someone from stealing your grill?
With a burger alarm!
Yo mama so fat, Burger King moved next door to her to increase sales.
My favorite fried chicken place has closed and reopened as a burger joint.
Ah well. That was hen, this is cow.
What do you call a philosophical beef patty?
A hmmburger.
A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food truck and says, “Make me one with everything.” The Buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid.
“Where’s my change?” the monk asks. The vendor replies, “Change comes from within”.
Recommended: McDonald’s Jokes
What is a burger’s favorite day?
Fry-day.
Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago.
His wife proposed that they should have a cheat day today. She bought home a McDonald’s burger, KFC wings, and Bob brought home his secretary.
What’s a bulimic cheerleader’s favorite restaurant?
In’n’Out Burger.
At the Burger King drive-through, Ryan said, “I’ll have Bruce Lee’s favorite burger, please.”
The cashier said, “What’s that?”
So Ryan said, “A whopaaaaaaaa.”
Someone asked Jeffrey Dahmer if he wanted to go out for burgers.
But Dahmer told him that he’s good; he’s got Five Guys at home.
A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant.
The waitress comes to take their order. The man says, “I’ll have a burger and fries.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.” After the meal, the waitress tells the man the total is $18.56. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount without looking and hands it to the waitress.
The man and the ostrich return to the restaurant the next day. This time, the man orders a steak. The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.” The waitress tells him the total is $25.62. Again, the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount without looking.
The waitress says, “Okay, how are you getting the exact amount without looking?”
The man explains, “I met a genie who would grant me two wishes. My first wish was to be able to get the exact amount of money I need for anything by reaching in my pocket, whether a big or small purchase.”
The waitress says, “That’s genius, that way you’ll never run out of money! What was your second wish?”
The man sighs and says, “I wished for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”
How does a burger introduce his wife?
“Meet Patty….”
The three words that describe the U.S.A. the best are burger, French fries, and soda.
‘French fries’ is two words, but the Americans don’t know that.
Recommended: French Fry Jokes
Yo mama so dumb, she thought Burger King and Dairy Queen were Wendy’s mom and dad!
What do you call a burger that merged with a laptop?
A big mac.
Did you hear about the spy undercover making burgers in the park?
He had a license to grill.
At the annual county fair, the ring toss game was getting the most attention. Everyone had tried repeatedly but could not win the prize, which was a real horse. Of course, with such high stakes, people were trying repeatedly.
An hour or so into this, a drunk wandered in. Looked around, waited his turn, and on his first casual toss won the big prize.
People were shocked and dismayed. There was a huddle, and the prize committee decided that since the guy was so drunk, it must have been a fluke, and they figured he didn’t know better, and he wouldn’t complain, so they gave him a turtle as a prize – he squinted at it barely able to focus, said “Cool!” and staggered off.
Everyone continued their efforts, but after another hour, the prize was still champing at the bit, so to speak. Back comes our hero, just as sozzled as before, staggers up to the mark, can barely focus, and just as casually as before, tosses the ring and does it again!!!
“Well, he must be genuinely good,” think the committee and decide to give him the real prize this time.
There’s a big hoopla, and the drunk staggers on stage not knowing why – they announce the prize and hand him the reins of the horse to loud applause.
He’s puzzled, looks at the horse, and then asks the head judge – “A horse??? Can’t you just gimme a big burger, like last time?”
Did you hear that McDonald’s is launching a new burger to celebrate Shakespeare’s birthday this year?
It is called the McBeth.
What do hamburgers make good at basketball?
Too many turnovers!
Yo mama so dumb and fat when she went to court the judge said, “Order!!! Order in the court!” and your mother said, “Seven Double Cheese Burgers, double onion rings, Chips with cheese, hold the salad too.”
Andrew Lloyd Webber came into Burger King.
He asked the person behind the counter to give him a couple of Whoppers. The person said, “You’re really good looking and your shows are excellent.”
Where do burgers go when they die?
Burgatory.
Recommended: Taco Jokes
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“What’s the special tonight?” he asks the bartender. “It’s our blue cheese bacon burger,” the bartender replies. “Do you want to try one?”
“Nah. I hate blue cheese,” the guy replies. “I mean it’s literally just cheese full of bacteria.” “Hey,” the bartender says, clearly offended. “You need to stop discriminating against other cultures.”
“If you don’t go to college, you’ll only be flipping burgers.”
“But if you do go to college, you’ll be flipping burgers with crippling debt.”
Did you hear about the burger that kept making jokes?
He was on a roll!
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it without a single remark.
What burger always smiles for photographs?
A CHEESE! burger.
A man walks into a restaurant, and he’s pissed off for some reason. The waiter comes up to him and says, “May I take your order?”
The man looked at the waiter and, screaming, says, “I want you to get in there and tell the chef, I want a cheeseburger not too greasy and not too dry but right in the groove. Then tell him I want some French fries, not too crunchy and not too soft, but right in the groove. Last, I want a milkshake, not thick and not runny but right in the groove.”
The waiter says, “ok” and leaves. He comes back 5 minutes later and says, “The chef says you can kiss his a$$, not left cheek and not on the right, but right in the groove.”
What do you call a Burger that appears and disappears frequently?
Heisenberger.
“You don’t need to know what makes this burger taste so good,” said an anonymous sauce.
Why can you never compromise with a veggie burger?
Because they’ll never meat in the middle.
Recommended: Sandwich Jokes
No matter the medium, a well-done burger joke is rare.
How do you sell beans for the price of beef?
Make vegan burger.
Why did the astronaut throw away his vegetarian burger?
He wanted something meteor.
A Shetland pony walks into a Burger King.
He walks up to the counter and whispers, “I’ll take one whopper, please.”
The cashier says, “Sure, but why are you whispering?” The pony looks up at him and says, “Sorry, I’m just a little hoarse.”
Depression and anxiety are like burgers and fries.
They usually come together, both are bad for your health, and are served family style.
Where do burgers like to dance?
At a meatball!
Why are Wendy’s burgers so good?
Because they don’t cut corners.
What do you call a cow that’s cold and angry?
BURRRR…GERRRRRRR.
Why do Burgers and French Fries go together so well?
Because they are BFFs.
Recommended: Hotdog Jokes
A six-year-old boy asks his dad to take him to McDonald’s, but the dad is not interested, so he says, “Only if you can spell the name of the restaurant.” The boy tries but fails.
The next day, he asks again, “Can we go to Burger King?” But once more, his dad asks him to spell the name before they go, and the boy tries again without success.
On the third day, the boy comes home eagerly from school and says, “Dad, can we eat out tonight, please? Can we go to KFC?”
Whose Burger King is married to?
Dairy Queen.
What is the best part of a burger?
The bun really brings it together.
Did you hear about the guy who cooked a burger in the lab?
He called it a bunsen burger.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
McDonald’s will be serving a new burger that you can’t touch.
It’s called the Mchammer.
What did the condiments say to the burger?
“I can’t mustard the will to live.”
A young father proudly brings his portioned and prepared deer home from the butcher shop. He announces that he is making supper and grills up a platter of venison burgers.
His son, daughter, and wife sit down and take a few bites. The daughter says, “These burgers taste weird.” The son wrinkles his nose and says, “Yeah, what is it?”
The dad leans back in his chair and says, “Remember a few weeks back when I spent the weekend hunting? This is what I killed.”
The son says, “Yeah, but what is it?”
The father says, with cryptic obscurity, “Well, it’s something your mother sometimes calls me.” The kids look at each other and shrug, and the boy digs back in. But the girl just nibbles at it with a somewhat confused look on her face.
“What’s the matter, honey, don’t you like it?”
“Oh, it’s OK, I guess. It’s just not what I thought a big ol’ turkey would taste like.”
What things do wilderness survival experts use to cook their burgers?
Bear Grills.
Recommended: Pizza Jokes
Did you hear about the new restaurant for dads that always has its a/c running?
It’s called In or Out Burger.
What does a polar bear eat?
An ice burger.
Why do hamburgers go to the gym?
To get better buns.
What did the burger say when the sausage cut in line for the grill?
“Quit being a brat.”
What’s a burger’s favorite Shakespeare play?
Ham-let.
Do you have a funnier Burger joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
