40 Funny Panty Jokes And Puns Laced with Laughter

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Jessica Amlee

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For women, panties are more than just an essential piece of clothing; they represent an element of personal style, comfort, and confidence. Depending on the design and fit, they can make us feel bold, beautiful, or simply cozy. However, beyond fashion and function, panties have also found a funny side in the world of humor.

These panty jokes provide a light-hearted perspective to an everyday item, reminding us to find joy and humor even in the simplest of things. Whether it’s sharing these with girlfriends at a sleepover or chuckling to oneself during a quick wardrobe change, panty jokes can add a touch of playful laughter to a woman’s day.

Best Panty Jokes

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

What do panties and nail polish have in common?
With a little alcohol, they both come off.

Did you know that William Shatner once tried to start up his own line of lingerie for women?
Unfortunately for him, Shatner Panties was a terrible brand name.

Why don’t witches wear panties?
So they can get a better grip on the broom.

Yo mama so nasty, she doesn’t wear panties to picnics so she can keep the flies away from the food.

What do you call the lint that accumulates in a woman’s panties?
Clitty litter.

Do you know that panties are not the best thing in the world?
But they’re close to it.

Why don’t programmers go on panty raids?
Because they get undie find errors.

What do you call a frozen pair of panties, once it defrosts?

Did you hear about the wife who called her husband a “panty dropper?”
She said to him to be more careful with the laundry next time.

Do grannies wear panties or thongs?

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said, “You may pass through the pearly gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “These are Carol’s.”

What do you call the bills hanging from the waistband off of stripper’s panties?
Waisted money.

Recommended: Underwear Jokes

What’s the difference between the panties of today and the panties of the 1970s?
In the 70s, you had to pull down a girl’s panties to see her ass. These days, you have to spread her ass to see her panties.

Yo mama so fat, instead of panty liners she uses ocean liners!

Which designer fashion brand would never print their name on panties?
The Gap.

A husband buys a dozen panties of the same color for his wife.
His wife protests, “Why all the same color, people will think I don’t change my panties.”
The husband asks, “Which people?”

What do they call a prostitute’s used panties?

A husband offered his wife to buy her Slytherin panties.
Wife: But I’m a Ravenclaw!
Husband: Yeah, but I’ll be Slytherin them off of you.

What’s the worst thing about a woman’s panties?
Your nuts hang out the side.

What do Japanese people say when someone takes their panties?
“Those aren’t ja-panese!”

A guy catches his best friend smelling his sister’s panties and gets really mad.
It didn’t help that she was still wearing them.
It made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

Yo mama so fat, she doesn’t wear panties, she wears pantries.

Turns out panties aren’t that highly rated.
They’re just under pants.

James Bond walks into a bar.
He looks around and takes a seat next to a beautiful woman.
He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No”, he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically”.
The lady says. “What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you are not wearing any panties.”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties.”
Bond smirks taps his watch, and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast!”

What Mr. Crabs wear under his pants?
Crabby panties.

What’s the difference between the front of a police cruiser and a pair of panties?
The panties only hold one p*ssy.

Yo mama so slutty, when people Googled directions to ‘Five Guys,’ it led to her panties.

How do you know when your girlfriend is really really horny?
You put your hand inside her panties and it feels like a horse is eating oats out of your palm.

One day the king had to go on a year-long expedition and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone throughout the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help.
The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle. “Why doesn’t that just defeat the whole purpose?” asked the King, and the magistrate promptly picked a pencil off his desk and inserted it into the hole. “SNAP!”, the pencil had cleanly sliced into two! “Anything that enters the hole will be sliced off, sire”, said the magistrate. Thoroughly impressed, the King instructed the Queen to wear it for the entire year and left for his expedition.
Upon his return, the King called for a meeting of all his country folk. They were all instructed to drop their pants, and the King made his rounds noticing that many were missing fingers as well as their most vital part. Then, he saw the quiet knight Sir Xavier, fingers and all still intact. “Xavier, the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!”
But alas, Sir Xavier was speechless.

Yo mama so nasty, she puts ice in her panties to keep the crabs fresh.

What do Walmart and a pedophile have in common?
They both have girls’ panties half off.

Why don’t poor people buy crotchless panties?
Because they already have pantiless crotches.

Two wives go on a girls’ night out.
On the way home they both need the toilet, so decide to stop at a graveyard, but they have nothing to wipe with.
The first takes off her panties and uses them, while the other takes a wreath and uses that.
The next day, one of their husbands calls the other and says, “No more girls’ nights out. My wife came home with no panties. “
The other husband says, “That’s nothing. Mine came home with a card in her crack that said ‘From all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you.’”

Why does OSHA require that women wear panties?
Because every manhole must have a cover.

What’s Blonde, Burnette, then Blonde again?
Drew Barrymore doing a cartwheel with no panties.

Recommended: No Panty Day Memes

What’s gray and wrinkly and hangs out your grandad’s undies?
Your grandma.

Ahmed was a family man who worked very hard to take care of his family. Eventually, he fell on hard times and decided to try his luck in London leaving back his family.
He toiled hard and eventually made some money. One day he wrote to his wife, “Dear Wife, I am sorry that you and others have to endure my absence. I made £10,000 selling 100 mattresses and 1000 panties. Very soon I’ll come back and we will live the life we always dreamed of.”
The letter gets to Ahmed’s father first and his father wrote back, “Dear Son, Come back now. Your wife has made £100,000 with a single mattress and no panties.”

What’s big, brown, and in a girl’s panties?
Billy Cosby’s hand.

Do you have a funny panty joke? Write down your own panty puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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