75 Funny Shirt Jokes to Button Up Your Day with Laughter

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Jessica Amlee

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Shirts, the unsung heroes of the wardrobe, come in more styles than there are coffee flavors at a hipster café. They’ve got a history of hanging around – from the classic white button-up that means business to the Hawaiian shirt that screams vacation mode. Shirts are like the mood rings of fashion; they change with every occasion. There’s the flannel shirt that’s basically a hug in clothing form, and let’s not forget those t-shirts with slogans that make them the comedians of the closet. They can be loud, proud, understated, or just plain weird. It’s this quirky nature of shirts that makes them a perfect canvas for humor, seamlessly transitioning us into the world of Shirt Jokes.

Now, Shirt Jokes are where fabric meets funny in an uproarious union. It’s a world where shirts aren’t just worn; they’re the main characters of the jest. Here, a shirt isn’t just a piece of clothing – it’s a punchline waiting to happen. These jokes play on everything from the perils of shrinking a shirt in the wash to the mystery of the missing button. Imagine a world where shirts come to life, and their pockets are filled with giggles instead of spare change. It’s a place where you can get away with saying, “This shirt is so bright, it’s got to wear shades,” and actually get a laugh. Shirt Jokes remind us that while fashion may fade, a good laugh is always in vogue.

Best Shirt Jokes

Why don’t the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.

Why does Waldo wear stripes on his shirt?
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.

What do you call a pile of dress shirts that need to be ironed in the next ten minutes?
A pressing concern.

Remember the kid who went on to make his own James Bond clothing, but came back with a plain, white T-shirt?
He had No Time To Dye.

What kind of shirts do Brits wear?

Why does everyone in the Marvel Cinematic Universe wear wrinkled shirts?
Because they lost their Iron, Man.

A neighborhood kid joined an experiment at school, where they would see what the reaction was to wearing a “go vegan” shirt for 2 weeks. So far he has been beaten, spitted on, and yelled at.
We wonder what will happen if he goes outside of our house.

Did you hear about the kid who made his father a shirt which spelled “Wrld’s best dad”?
But he needs to get his shit together and understand that his father has a sweatshop to run.

Girlfriend: I am breaking up with you because of your addiction to wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.
Boyfriend: Wait! I can change.

Why is T-Shirt short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt?
Because of the short arms.

Remember the guy the other day wearing a Let’s Go Brandon T-shirt?
It was nice to see someone representing the LGBTee community.

Girlfriends are always stealing their boyfriend’s shirts and sweaters.
But if their boyfriends take one of their dresses, suddenly “we need to talk.”

What’s the worst part of ripping your favorite shirt?
Having to choose between .MP3 and .FLAC.

Do you know that the U.S. Constitution protects the right to wear a short-sleeved shirt?
It says, “The right to bare arms shall not be infringed.”

Remember the fat dude we saw with a Guess shirt on?
One of the people approached him and said, ” 380lbs?!”

What do you call Neil deGrasse Tyson with no shirt on pouring champagne all over himself?
An astrofizzytits.

What is the funniest shirt quote?
“Give a man a shirt, and he’ll wear it once. Tell a man he looks good in it, and he’ll wear it for a lifetime”

On my first day of flying lessons, the girl looked down anxiously and asked her instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”
He said, “Those are to keep your shirt closed.”

Which historical period has the tidiest shirts?
The Iron Age.

So a guy was in a bar one night when he noticed a fat girl wearing a shirt that said, “Caution, I’m a maneater.”
“Excuse me, Miss… about your shirt,” the guy said timidly as he approached the girl.
She interrupted him and yelled angrily; “Oh, I’m guessing you’ve come to comment on how fat I am and how I actually eat men. You know, I can’t control my weight. I, too, have feelings, and your comments can be extremely hurtful.”
“That’s actually not what I was going to say at all,” the guy said, confused.
“Oh..” she replied as a smile started to come across her face. “What were you going to say?”
“That’s not how you spell manatee.”

They found a shirt that says, “I see dead people.”
But I can’t wear it because it only fits mediums.

Did you hear about the wife who took off her shirt during an argument?
It was a boobie trap.

Why did the dyslexic refuse to wear a polo shirt?
Because he was Lacoste intolerant.

Remember the kid whose mother bought him a t-shirt saying, “I’m a nudist”?
He hasn’t worn it yet.

Did you hear that Amazon has started a new service where they deliver custom-made shirts within 48 hours of ordering?
It’s called Tailor Swift.

What happened when Chuck Norris walked into a feminist convention?
Walked out with a sandwich and his shirt ironed.

What do you call a shirt with 120 tiny pockets that fit exactly one mint each?
It’s Tic Tactical vest.

What do you call someone who hung his t-shirt on a crucifix?
A cross-dresser.

Have you heard about the wife and her husband who keep on collecting 5k race t-shirts, without actually participating in the races?
It’s their running joke.

Did you know that Johnny wants to buy a t-shirt that says “Mediocre”?
That way everyone knows he is an OK guy.

A Roman dude went to a new store to buy a shirt.
Salesperson: What’s your size?
Roman: L, but I think I need a bigger size.
Salesperson: No problem.
Then the salesperson gives Roman an XL shirt.
Roman: Why’d you give me a smaller shirt?

Did you hear about the magician that had chocolate in his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve.

Remember the guy we saw wearing a T-Shirt that read, “Truth + God = Life”?
The mathematician standing nearby explained, Truth = Life – God.

What did the shirt say to the pants?
“What up britches!”

Why should cops start carrying t-shirt guns?
Because nothing gets someone’s hands up like a t-shirt gun.

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?
Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

What do you call some silly cartoon monkeys on a shirt?

What do say to a girl wearing a t-shirt that said, “Guess”?

What happens when you out to buy a camouflage t-shirt?
You cannot find any.

An office worker went to a store to buy a new shirt,
The salesman asked the worker, “Can I offer you this Large shirt?”
The office worker replied, “No, I only wear excel.”

What kind of shirt does a Panzer IV wear?
A tank top.

What kind of shirt does a cop wear?
A wife beater.

What shirt does the astronaut wear?

Why was the man with hummus spilled on his shirt called kinky?
Because he had some chick-pea all over him.

What did Lieutenant Worf say when he made rainbow T-shirts with his son?
“Today is a good day to dye!”

What do you call a used shirt from someone from Chernobyl?
Third hand.

Recommended: Sock Jokes

What did the chameleon say when he walked across a tie-dye shirt?
“Whoa, that last bug must have been laced with something!”

Why did George Michael have chocolate on his shirt?
He was careless with his Wispa.

Two friends were having a conversation after a long time.
The first friend said, “That’s a nice-ass shirt you’re wearing.”
The second one said, “Thanks. They are called pants, not an ass shirt.”

What do you call a bear with a shirt on?
Tee grizzly.

What do say when you see a midget wearing a t-shirt with the slogan “I hate black people” on it?
“That’s a little racist.”

Why does the naked man’s phone never work?
No shirt no shoes no service.

Just saw a baby wearing an “I Love Life” t-shirt.
Pretty sure they’ll grow out of it though.

A shirt walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “What happened? Why so sad?”
The shirt says, “Something’s been wearing me down.”

What size shirt does a plane wear?

Why did the wet shirt feel betrayed?
Because it was hung out to dry.

What kind of shirts do farmers wear?
Crop tops.

Recommended: Farmer Jokes

Doctor: You have a severe iron deficiency.
Patient: How did you know? I just walked in!
Doctor: Your shirt is all wrinkled.

Why are Thai people deathly afraid of the hippies?
Because hippies always wear thai-die shirts.

Why do burglars only wear striped shirts?
Because they don’t want to be spotted.

What did the t-shirt vendor say to the psychic?
“What are you, a medium?”

What is the difference between a man on a bicycle wearing a tuxedo and a man on a unicycle wearing shorts and a tee shirt?

What goes in one hole, and out three others?
You, putting on a t-shirt.

What’s the sexiest part of a shirt?
Keanu Sleeves.

What did the math book wear under her shirt?
An algebra.

What film actor has perfectly creased shirts and slacks?
Jeremy Irons.

A husband was turning 40 soon, and his wife told him that she is getting him four T-shirts for his birthday.
He asked her, “Why?”
She said, “Because you’re going to be in your 4 T’s.”

Did you hear about the guard who spilled coffee all over his shirt?
He was thankful it wasn’t on his watch.

Have you guys heard of those new paper T-shirts?
They’re tearible.

What did the bib say to the shirt?
“Tonight dinner is on me.”

What color T-shirt would win a race?
Red, because it runs the most.

How do you get a talkative shirt to be quiet?
Button it up!

If Hollister made a new material for their shirts what would it be called?

What do you call two men’s shirt accessories discussing cosmetic procedures?
Bow talks.

Why did the golfer carry two shirts with him?
In case he got a hole in one.

Why was the shirt on the washing line?
It was hungover.

Have a better joke on shirts? Please leave your funny shirt puns and one-liners in the comments below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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