Salami is not just a meat. It’s the celebrity of the deli world. Wrapped in mystery, spiced to perfection, and always ready to show up at parties, it has a way of stealing the spotlight from other foods. Some say it’s round, some say it’s long, but everyone agrees it has personality. And that larger-than-life personality is exactly why people love making Salami Jokes.
Talking about Salami Jokes is like telling stories about the funniest kid in school who somehow never studies but still passes. The jokes almost write themselves because salami has a built-in charm and a name that sounds like it’s already laughing. Once you hear one, you can’t stop thinking of more, and suddenly even a serious conversation turns into a comedy show about this spicy superstar.
Best Salami Jokes
What do you call a depressed salami?
Pepper-ennui.
A salami goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him “Sorry, I can’t help you, …”
“… you’re already cured.”
What did the steak say to the salami?
“Nice to meat you!”
What do you call a soviet sausage?
Commie salami.
What did the salami say to the sausage?
“You’re the wurst.”
Where do South Africans buy their pastrami and salami?
At the Nelson Mandeli.
What kind of salami can muslims eat?
Inshalami.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Salami.
(Salami who?)
Salami(So-Im) in already!
What’s the most peaceful meat product?
Salami…
Why did the salami fill out a police report?
Because it was a salted meat.
I was addicted to lunch meats, but I quit cold turkey.
I’m still hooked on salami and roast beef though.
A bunch of sausages are smoking around a poker table. Suddenly, the door slams open and a salami walks in.
“You look parched my friend, would you like a drink?” Ask one of the sausages.
“No, thank you,” says the salami, “I don’t drink”.
“Join us for a smoke, then,” replies another of the sausages
“No, thank you,” replies the salami. “Not for me”.
“Well, you must have some reason for being here?” Asks the third sausage.
The salami looks around and sheepishly shrugs. “Sorry, wrong door. Like you guys, I used to be a heavy smoker and hooked on poker, but I’m cured now.”
Why did the kid throw salami out the window?
He wanted to see the meatier shower.
An Indian salami shop just opened.
It’s a New Deli.
Yo mama so fat, the butcher thought she was the biggest salami roll.
Recommended: Ham Jokes
I found a way to make cured sausage halal for Muslims to eat.
I offered it to an Imam for testing. He takes a bite and says, “Ah, Salami okay, yum!”
What do you say when someone spills lunch meat all over you?
“It’s-all-on-me (it’s salami).”
Dave went to the supermarket to buy some shaved ham.
At the counter, he was served by an alpaca. When Dave asked for 100 grams of shaved ham, the alpaca picked up some ham and placed it on the scale—exactly 100 grams. Next, Dave requested 100 grams of sliced salami, and the alpaca carefully set a hunk on the scale—105 grams, pretty close. Taking his ham and salami, Dave headed toward the exit, where he spotted the store manager. “Hey, did you know you have an alpaca working here?” he asked.
The manager smiled and replied, “That’s not an alpaca, that’s the deli llama.”
Why did the salami fill out a police report?
Because it was a salted meat.
What happens when you put too much salami on your pizza?
A total salamity.
What do you call a holy salami
A shlaomi.
Where did the salami go on holiday?
Costa Deli-Sol.
A man started a deli business.
Before long, word spread of his delicious meats and his business flourished.
One day, an employee screamed from the back storage room. The owner darted into the room and was shocked to find a stray feline snacking on some salami from a high shelf. The cashier ran up beside him and asked, “What on earth is going on?! “.
He exclaimed, “Well, you see it’s a very deli-cat situation…”
Recommended: Pork Jokes
Why did the sandwich tell jokes about salami?
Because it knew they’d always get a roll out of people.
What’s a salami’s favorite workout?
Cold cuts.
What’s a salami’s life motto?
“Slice happens.”
Yo mama so fat, the deli uses her to measure salami by the pound.
Why did the salami refuse to fight?
It didn’t want any beef.
What music does salami love?
Anything with a lot of jam.
Why did the salami blush?
It saw the cheese getting dressed.
What do you call a philosophical salami?
A deep cut.
Recommended: Pork Jokes
Why do salamis make terrible secrets?
They always get spread around.
How does salami apologize?
“I’m sorry if I came across too salty.”
How do salamis greet each other?
“Meat you later!”
Do you have a funny Salami Joke? Write down your best jokes in the comment section below!
I met a girl on tinder whose bio said she used to work at a meat packing plant and that she’d heard all the jokes before…
So I asked her out on a date for the weekend but to let me know by Friday if she had to can salami.