Ham is a sort of cured, smoked, or both cured and smoked pork. It is usually sold sliced and can be eaten alone or as an ingredient in recipes like sandwiches, soups, and stews.
There are numerous sorts of ham, each with its own distinct flavor and texture. Some hams are dry cured, which means they are cured with salt and other flavors before being aged. Wet cured hams are brined in a mixture of water, salt, and other seasonings. Wet-cured hams are often cooked before being sold, whereas dry-cured hams are typically uncooked. But these ham jokes are not uncooked. They are one of the funniest puns so read on!
Best Ham Jokes
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
Ones a heated yam, and the other’s a yeeted ham.
A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.
The butcher replies, “Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!”
What do Green Eggs, Ham, and Fifty Shades of Gray have in common?
They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
That’s a nice ham you got there.
It’d be a shame if someone put an “s” before it and an “e” after it.
Yo mama so fat, she don’t smoke blunts, she smoke hams.
What do you call a pig that is cold and growling?
A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.
A Ham Sandwich Walks Into a bar.
The bartender yells out, “Hey! We don’t serve ham sandwiches here.”
To which the ham sandwich replies, “That’s okay, I just wanted a drink.”
What do you use to clean a pig?
Ham sanitizer.
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because batman swore to protect goth ham.
How do you call a pig missing both hind legs?
A ham-putee.
What do you call a stoned pig?
Baked Ham.
What’s a Jew’s biggest dilemma?
Free ham.
Yo mama so fat, when she looks in the mirror of Erised, she sees a ham.
What would you call a potion brewing pig in the desert?
A ham sand witch.
What’s green and smells like ham?
Kermit’s finger.
On a business trip, a married man walks into a brothel.
He approaches the cashier, places $500 on the counter, and says, “I want your worst-looking girl with a cold ham and cheese.” “But sir, for this much, you could have one of our best girls and our most expensive cuisine!” the woman behind the counter exclaims, stunned.
“I know,” the man adds, nodding his head, “I’m not horny lady, I’m homesick.”
Recommended: Pork Jokes
How does a stoner bake his Christmas ham?
420°, glaze it.
What do you call someone who steals pigs?
A Ham-burgler.
What do you call an attractive man with pig hands?
A hands-ham man.
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
What do pigs learn in the army?
Ham to ham combat.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought hamburgers were made of HAM.
What do you call a French pig named Elizabeth that lives in Palestine?
Beth-Le-Ham.
Why was the ham from Alabama?
He was in bread.
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner.
She placed the ham on a baking pan after cutting off the end. “Why did you cut off the end of the ham?” her friend said. “I truly don’t know,” she said, “but my mother always did, so I believed you were meant to.” When she later questioned her mother why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, her mother said, “I truly don’t know, but that’s how my mum always did it.” Several weeks later, when visiting her grandmother, the young woman inquired, “Grandma, why do you take off the end of a ham before baking it?”
Her grandmother replied, “Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan.”
What was Jesus’ favorite type of ham?
Bethle-ham.
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What did Mr. Piggy get for Christmas?
A ham-job.
What do you call old clothes a pig would wear?
Ham me downs.
What is a type of Italian ham that helps you fall slowly?
Parachuttio.
What kind of tree keeps pigs the most secure?
A Ham-Lock.
What did the ham say to the stuffed Turkey?
“Nice to meat you.”
What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
The pizza can have ham and cheese together.
Which would you rather have, eternal peace and happiness or a ham sandwich?
A ham sandwich. Nothing is better than eternal peace and happiness, and a ham sandwich is better than nothing.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “I’d like a ham sandwich with pickle and mayo.”
The librarian scolds him, “Sir, this is a library!”
The man looks around apologetically to the other patrons, leans close to the librarian, and whispers, “Sorry! I’d like a ham sandwich with pickle and mayo.”
What do you call a pig with nicotine addiction?
Smoked Ham.
What does a magician eat when they are a little hungry?
A slight of ham.
Why was the butcher arrested?
He was curing hams without a medical license.
Where do Indians get their ham?
Coldcutta.
What do you call a pig king betrayed by his brother?
Ham-let.
Why vegetarians can’t go ballistic?
Because they can’t go HAM.
What do you call a ginger shaving a pig?
Ed Shear-Ham.
Where is the cheapest place to buy ham?
Hamazon.
What type of social media do pigs use?
InstaHam.
What do you get when you cross a DJ and a pig?
Ham radio.
What kind of clothing do piglets get?
Ham me downs.
How do you turn a pig into a ham?
With a hammer.
Why are they called “hamburgers” if they’re not made out of ham?
Because “cow patties” was already taken.
What is it called when you make deli meat out of a pig you find in a pond?
A ham swamwhich.
Have a better Ham joke? Post your own pork puns and one-liners in the comment section!
That’s a nice ham you got there.
It’d be a shame if someone put an S in front of it and an E behind it.