Unemployment, the uninvited guest in many a household, is that phase when one’s career goes on an unscheduled sabbatical. Often resulting from economic downturns, industrial changes, or sometimes just plain bad luck, it’s when pajamas become the unofficial uniform, and binge-watching TV series becomes a full-time job. While it’s a genuine concern affecting millions globally, leading to soul-searching, resume tweaking, and numerous visits to job portals, it also becomes a time of introspection, resilience, and an opportunity to master the art of making instant noodles seven different ways.
Enter unemployment jokes – because if life hands you lemons, why not squeeze them into your instant noodles for extra flavor? These quips have a way of lightening the mood, turning woe into wit, and reminding everyone that it’s okay to laugh at life’s curveballs. From jabs about attending the ‘University of Netflix’ to the newfound skills of dodging calls from loan officers, unemployment jokes offer a silver lining of humor in an otherwise cloudy scenario. So, if you find yourself jobless or know someone navigating this phase, remember, a good chuckle might not pay the bills, but it sure does make the journey more bearable!
Best Unemployment Jokes
Why is working at an unemployment office must be so tense?
Even if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
What do you call a person that is happy on a Monday?
Unemployed.
We have like 50 jokes about the unemployed.
Trouble is, none of them work.
Isn’t weird when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers?
Like you don’t see med students calling themselves Doctors or Arts students calling themselves unemployed.
Yo mama breath smells so bad, she lost her job at the cemetery.
Did you hear about the guy who was fired from the unemployment office on Friday?
His boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
Why can’t you trick an unemployed jester?
Because he’s nobody’s fool!
Do you know about 4/20?
It is National Weed Day, 4/21 is National Surprise Drug Test Day and 4/22 is National Unemployment Day.
What do you call unemployed Bob the builder?
Bob.
A woman asks her friend “How are your kids getting on now?”
“Fine!” Comes the reply. “My oldest boy grew up to be a doctor, the second grew up to be a teacher, and my daughter grew up to be a lawyer!”
“What about your youngest boy? How’s he doing?”
“Ah. He grew up to be a thief. He lives at home with us still.”
“So you let your three decent kids fend for themselves, and kept the black sheep of the family at home? Isn’t that wrong?”
“No, of course not. He keeps us supported financially. The other three are all unemployed.”
Recommended: Layoffs Jokes
“They say that if you do what you love, it’s never a job.”
“How inspirational. Unfortunately your unemployment claim has been denied.”
Why is the unemployment rate increasing in Iran?
Because of all of the women quitting their ‘Jabs.
An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic.
He puts a sign outside the clinic: “A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail.” A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost my sense of taste.” Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Doctor: “This is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.” Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.” Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000,” passing the doctor a $500 note. Doctor: “But this is $500…”
The Engineer says, “Congratulations! You’ve got your vision back! That will be $500.”
What are common synonyms of unemployed?
Writer, blogger, and activist.
How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Hundred. One to change it and 99 to stand around and say, “Hey, I could’ve done that!”
My wife and I are both unemployed. My mum died in a car crash. We have three children and we’re all staying in my grandma’s place, and my grandma died in September 2022. My dad has to work in his 70s. I’ll do any job to take care of my family. Please share.
Sincerely,
William, Prince of Wales
What do you call an unemployed Rasta?
Jah bless.
Why are unemployed doctors always in such a hurry?
Because they don’t have any patients.
An unemployed man is looking for a job.
He is searching through the paper in the job classifieds and reads an ad saying that the zoo is hiring.
The next day he goes to the zoo and interviews for the job. They tell him he is a perfect fit and that they would like to offer him the job but they can’t tell him what it is, and if he takes the job he can never tell anyone what he does or even that he works at the zoo.
The man is desperate for a job so he agrees to take the job even though he doesn’t know what it is. They then tell him that a week prior their prized gorilla died and they can’t afford to buy a new one. His job is going to be to dress up as a gorilla and entertain zoo guests.
Over the next few weeks, he puts on his costume and acts like a gorilla but his boss comes to him and says that he isn’t acting enough like a gorilla. He tells him to get into it, and play to the crowd.
The next day he is really hamming it up, banging on his chest, charging the glass, and just having fun. the crowd is really getting into it and he is feeding off of their excitement.
Eventually, he sees a rope in his enclosure and takes it up to the highest rock. He grabs it and swings all the way across his enclosure, but loses his grip and ends up flying over the wall and lands in the lions’ enclosure.
He is a little dazed from the fall and when he comes to he sees a huge male lion with its head down walking toward him. The lion is visibly angry. Then before he knows it the lion pounces on him and starts attacking him.
The man yells “HELP, HELP, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!”
Right then the lion slaps him in the face and says, “Shut the f*ck up man or you will get us both fired!”
Why does the Pope shower with his briefs on?
He doesn’t like to look down on the unemployed.
What do you call an unemployed classical musician?
Baroque.
A dog walks into the unemployment office.
“I need a job.” He said, in perfect English.
Surprised, the clerk says “I’m sure the circus would be very interested in you. Shall I contact them?”
“If you like.” Replied the dog. “But why would the circus need an architect?”
Why was the rifle unemployed?
Because it was fired.
Why are there no unemployed farmers?
They can get a job in any field.
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, “I’m going to become a lion tamer.”
The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know anything about no lion taming.”
“Yes, I do!”
“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?”
“Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down.”
“Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?”
“Well, then I take that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down.”
“Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?”
“Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him.”
“Well, what if that gun doesn’t work? What will you do then?”
“Well, then I pick up some of the shit that’s on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage.”
“Well, what if there ain’t no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?”
“Well, that’s dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun doesn’t work, there’s going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that.”
Did you hear about the transvestite that lost her job at the post office?
She may be unemployed, but at least she’s still a male lady.
What do you call an unemployed actor in Hollywood?
“Waiter!”
Once upon a time, there was a stuttering lad who could not find work. Finally, he came across a bookstore with a “help wanted” sign. He went in and got a job.
His boss told him that he could not work in the store, but he would walk around the neighborhood selling books door to door. The boss didn’t think the stuttering employee had a chance.
After one hour, the stuttering man returned with $1000. The boss could not believe it. The boss sent him out again, and the stuttering man returned with $1000 the next hour.
The boss asked him, “How do you sell so well?!”
The stuttering man said, “Well, b-b-b-b-boss, it’s simp-p-p-p-p-p-ple, I j-j-j-just w-w-w-wait t-t-t-till they open the d-d-d-door, and I t-t-t-tell them that they c-c-c-can either b-b-b-buy the b-b-b-b-book, or I c-c-c-can r-r-read it t-t-to them.”
Why do people consider United Nations workers as not real workers?
Because they are UNemployed.
What do you call an unemployed jester?
Nobody’s fool.
Little Johnny has a report due for government class.
He asks his dad to explain the government. His dad thinks for a minute, and explains it like this:
I am Congress, your mom is the judicial system, your sister is the unemployed, you are the group too young to vote, and the maid is the working class.
So that night, little Johnny is trying to figure out what his dad meant and gets up to get a drink. On his way to the kitchen, he watched his sister sneak out of the house with her boyfriend. He grabbed his drink, and on the way back to his room, he saw his dad sneak down to the maid’s room.
The next morning he tells his dad, “So I think I have it figured out.” His dad asks, “So how do you think it works?”
Little Johnny says, “The unemployed are out f*cking around while Congress is screwing the working class, the judicial system is asleep, and the people too young to vote are watching it all happen…”
What do you call someone who was fired from a cannon?
Unemployed.
What did the employed dolphin say to the unemployed dolphin?
“At least I have a porpoise.”
A local charity had never received a donation from the town’s banker, so the director made a phone call.
“Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven’t given a penny to charity,” the director began. “Wouldn’t you like to help the community?” The banker replied, “Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?” “Um, no,” mumbled the director. “Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister’s husband died, leaving her broke with four kids?”
“I … I … I had no idea.” “So,” said the banker, “if I don’t give them any money, why would I give any to you?”
Why was the unemployed guy worried when a giant duck walked through the front door?
Because he was facing a big bill.
A gender studies graduate tries to find a job in his field.
He attends several exams and many personal interviews, only to be rejected.
Being fed up after so many months of his job hunting, he decides to get into any job that can at least cover his daily needs.
He visits a circus group and asks for a job. The owner responds that there isn’t any job for his education level. He follows up that there is a vacancy to act as a monkey and perform funny actions. The unemployed youth accepts the offer since he can at least afford his living expenses
So he dresses up as a monkey and entertains audiences. One day while he is performing, he accidentally falls into the lion’s ring.
Everyone was shocked as the monkey fell into the lion’s ring. No one knew that he was a man dressed up as a monkey. The man himself was dreadful and feared for his life. He felt pity for himself as he was going to become a victim of unemployment.
The lion comes closer to him but doesn’t attack. The youth is also surprised. The lion then whispers, “Dude, it’s me, your TA from last year! The 2023 batch, remember?”
Why was the pyromaniac unemployed?
Because he keeps getting fired!
Why are koalas always unemployed?
Because they’re unkoalified.
A man was being interviewed at a job interview and the interviewer was thoroughly impressed.
The man was eloquent in speaking and seemed highly fit for the job. However, one question lingered in the interviewer’s mind.
“So you seem very skilled and fit for the job. However, I have one question, why were you unemployed for 4 years?”
The man replies, “Oh, I was in Yale.”
The interviewer, impressed by the man being able to be enrolled in such an exclusive school, hires him on the spot.
The man, overcome with joy, whips out his phone calls his wife, and shouts, “Honey, I did it! I got the yob!”
Why was Santa’s unemployed son so upset?
Because, at this point in his life, he didn’t want to be, a dependent Claus.
What animal can be found in the unemployment line?
The poorqueuepine.
An Israeli doctor, a Russian doctor, and an American doctor are discussing their country’s medical advancements.
An Israeli doctor says, “In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work.”
The German doctor says, “That’s nothing, in Germany, we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work.”
The Russian doctor says: “Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another’s chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work.”
The American doctor laughs, “You all are behind us. Two days ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for work!”
Why wasn’t the crow eligible to collect unemployment?
He was fired for caws.
What did the unemployed hippie say when his dad told him to get a job?
“Namaste Jah bless.”
A louse enters the employment bureau and says, “I’m unemployed, what to do?”
The clerk looks at the computer and says, “I can offer you a job in Danny’s mustache.”
“Great,” says the louse, and the next day she goes to work.
Two days later she comes back, “I can not work in Danny’s mustache – He smokes a lot, and I have asthma.”
“Well,” says the clerk, “I can offer you a job in Anna’s pussy!”
“Good,” says the louse – and the next day she goes to work.
Two more days later the louse comes back and says, “I can not work in Anna’s pussy!”
“Why?” the clerk asks.
“Because I went to work, we went to sleep, it was warm and pleasant. In the morning I woke up in Danny’s mustache – He smokes a lot, and I have asthma…”
Yo mama so dumb, she refused to give your dad a bl*wjob because she thought he’d lose his unemployment benefit.
What do you call an honest politician?
Unemployed & unemployable.
Two guys waiting in the unemployment line worked side by side in the factory for 17 years before it closed down.
The first guy up to the window doesn’t speak good English.
The Clerk asks, “What was your occupation?”
The Man says, “Dieselfitter!”
Clerk (looks in the book) says, “Ok that’s $795 a week, here you go.”
Now. the second man walks up.
The Clerk asks, “What’s your occupation?”
The second man says, “Seamstress.”
The Clerk (looks in the book) says, “Ok that’s $407 a week, here you go.”
The second man says, “Woah, wait a minute, he got almost $800! For the same job.”
The Clerk answers, “Sir, he was a dieselfitter, a higher-skilled occupation.”
The second man says, “He wasn’t no dieselfitter, he worked next to me in the skirt factory. I’d stitch in the elastic, he’d hold them up to fold them, check them, and say ‘Dees-ul-fit her’ before he folded them.”
Why’s it so hard to understand a person that’s jobless?
Because they make no cents.
Why are Peter Pan’s lost boys always out of work?
They can Never Land a job!
Woman is fed up with her jobless mathematician boyfriend.
After voicing her frustrations at him for over an hour she tells him, “You’ve just been sitting there this whole time and you haven’t even said a single word! Is there anything you’d care to contribute to this conversation about why you still don’t have a job?”
“Nothing to add,” he replies.
What do you call a magician who lost his magic?
Unemployed.
An unemployed guy sees an ad in the paper that says “Photographer wanted for Miami-based luxury bikini line”. Thinking it to be a joke, the guy calls the number in the ad.
“Hello,” he says. “Is that photographer ad a joke?”
“No,” says the voice on the other line. “One of our photographers died suddenly last week, and we’re looking for a new one.”
“Cool! I’ve been looking for a new job for a while, and this is a very fine job for me.
“Great! Are you married? Our models tend to get uncomfortable when they have pictures taken by married men.”
“No, I’m single.”
“Nice! Are you able to control yourself around women?”
“I am more than able!”
“Wonderful! Do you have a passport? We sometimes do shoots in exotic locations.”
“I do have a passport!”
“I’m delighted to say that you are qualified for the job! How quickly can you get to Vancouver?”
“Vancouver?! I thought you were based in Miami!”
“We are. Vancouver is where the line for the interview starts.”
What do you call a doctor without patience?
Unemployed.
What do you call a medication that gets you out of work for a couple days?
Aleve-of-absence.
An unemployed musician walks into a bar and asks if they need a house musician to entertain the patrons. The manager told him to go ahead and show what he’s got at the piano onstage.
So the man proceeds to play one of the most wonderful original songs the folks there had ever heard. It took everyone by surprise and he got a hearty round of applause. On lady stood up and said, “That was wonderful! What’s the name of that tune?” The musician said, “I call that one ‘Throw Your T*ts Up on the Bar So I Can Smash Your Nipples with a Hammer.”
So they finish applauding and he kicks in with a song that’s even better than the first one, and by now, he’s being given a standing ovation. At this point, a man hollers out, “Buddy, that’s the best song I’ve ever heard! What’s the name of that song??” The musician responds, “I wrote that for a bartender buddy of mine and it’s called ‘Throw Your Ass Up in the Air I Wanna Stick a Carrot in It’.”
By now, there’s near pandemonium, and the piano man announces, “Folks, I really appreciate the response and reactions. Tell you what, I’m gonna go use the facilities and I’ll come back and play you so more of my original stuff!”
So he leaves for the latrine, and he happens upon the manager who tells him, “Kid, you’re the best musician I’ve seen in person. Tell you what, you’re hired if you do me a favor.”
The guy says, “Excellent! Thank you, and anything you want, sir!”
The manager explained that this was a family bar and grill, and if he wouldn’t mind altering the suggestive titles of some of his songs so as to not offend some clientele.
The player says, “For you, no problem. I just really appreciate the opportunity.”
He proceeds to the bathroom, does his thing and as he walks out, he happens upon the manager again, he looks below the musician’s belt line and exclaims, “Hey! Do you know your dick’s hanging out and dripping?”
The musician looked that man straight in the eye and said, “Do I know it? Hell, I wrote it!”
What do you call an unemployed anorexic person?
Lazy-bones.
Have you heard the one about the Out of work DJ?
He got fired from his part-time job as a fishmonger because he kept dropping the bass.
A jobless man has a conversation with his wife.
His wife says to him, ”Why don’t you get a job at the circus? You seem to be good at juggling.”
He replies, “I would, but I don’t have the balls to.”
What do you call a jobless and homeless prostitute?
A Destitute.
A painter gets a helper from the unemployment office.
A few days later the lady from the office calls the painter and apologizes deeply for the mistake.
“What mistake?”
“I’m so sorry, instead of a painter we sent you a gynecologist. Please just let him go, we send you a…”
“Let him go? You nuts, he’s my best worker! At the last job, they forgot to leave us the keys, and the guy painted the whole room through the key hole!”
What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other unemployed cancer cell?
“Let’s get Jobs.”
Why do hookers rarely get unemployed?
Because they always have a job to do.
Do you have a funny Unemployment joke? Write down your own Unemployment puns in the comment section below!
I was going to make a joke about unemployment….but non of them work.
I had a job clearing litter off the highways…
but I got laid off, even though the work was picking up.