70 Funny Plumber Jokes to Make You Burst with Laughter

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Jessica Amlee

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In the world of home emergencies, plumbers are like superheroes who arrive just in time to save the day. A serene morning rudely interrupted by a rebellious faucet or a toilet with a mind of its own. Enter the plumber, armed with a trusty toolbox and a knack for taming unruly pipes. They’re the unsung heroes who make sure our water flows, our showers stay warm, and our sinks remain unclogged. It’s a profession that doesn’t just require skill, but a sense of humor too. After all, dealing with the rebellious antics of pipes and drains daily demands a light-hearted spirit. And that’s where plumber jokes come into play, providing a splash of humor in the sometimes murky waters of plumbing.

Now, plumber jokes are the perfect tribute to these guardians of the pipes. They’re a lighthearted way to celebrate the quirky side of plumbing. Like a good plunger, a well-delivered plumber joke can bring relief and a burst of laughter to what might otherwise be a stressful situation. They remind us that even in the face of a plumbing catastrophe, there’s always room for a chuckle. The power of plumber jokes is turning the tide of a potential domestic disaster with a bit of humor. So let’s dive into the humorous world of plumbing, where the jokes flow as freely as a well-fixed tap!

Best Plumbing Jokes

Man: What time is it?
Plumber: It’s between 8 AM and 4 PM.

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them?
Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”

What do plumber’s children play with?

Knock, knock.
(Who’s it?)
(Water who?)
Water you waiting for? Let me in, I’m your plumber!

Have you read the book about plumbing?
You know, the one by Lee King.

What happens if you leave plumbing tools out in the hot sun?
They become pruning tools.

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then what happens with plumbers?
They are dethroned.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
An orange a day keeps the plumber away.
Basically, if you throw fruit at people they go away.

What’s the difference between a plumber and the police?
You call one when sh*t is going down, and you call the other when it isn’t.

Why don’t snowboarders make good plumbers?
Because they only know about half pipes.

How do plumbers get out of fights?
They tap out.

What do you call a plumber that can’t fix a leak?
You don’t.

The plumbing apprentice could not figure out how to make all the water drain.
He was told to pipe down.

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a beer.
A guy sitting at the bar overhears and asks, “What do you do for a living?” “I’m a plumber,” the duck replies, “I am currently working on the new building across the road.” The guy says, “I run a circus. I think you would be a great act. Whatever you earn now, I will pay you double to come work for me.”
The duck responds, “What does the circus want with a plumber?”

Did you hear about the depressed plumber?
He’s been going through some sh*t.

As a plumber’s assistant, this guy is always being ordered around… “Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God’s sake… turn off the water works!”
It’s not his fault, he’s just an emotional guy.

Have you read ‘An Idiot’s Guide To Plumbing’?
Some have read twice and still haven’t got a clue what they’re doing. Guess it’s going to take another few reads before this sinks in.

Most no longer worry about plumbing problems.
It’s just water under the fridge

Why can you never win a lawsuit against a plumber?
Because he’s too used to sue-wage.

Three plumbers walk into a bar.
They ask the bartender, “Do you really need three plumbers?”
“Oh, I’m quite sure,” said the bartender. “Go see if you can unclog the toilet in the women’s washroom. My female customers are all leaving because they’ve got no place to go.”
“Alright then,” quipped one of the plumbers, and off they went.
From in the bathroom, there were plunging noises, rattles, bangs, and so on. This went on for about 30 minutes when the plumbers returned, and the first one said, “There’s no way that toilet will unclog. We’ve got no idea what’s stuck in there, but it ain’t coming out.”
Just then, the queen was passing by outside in her carriage. It seemed that the quail she had eaten earlier wasn’t getting along with her digestive tract. While using a public bathroom was quite uncouth for a person of royalty, her bowels could care less. So, she ran into the pub, straight to the bathroom. Everyone was in shock at the sight of the queen running through, and nobody warned her of the toilet’s state. The whole pub was silent until the sound of the toilet flushing came out from behind the door. The queen soon emerged, addressed her subjects, and was on her way.
The three plumbers looked dumbfounded. They checked the bathroom, and the toilet was working fine. The large one asked, “How on earth did she get the crapper to work?” Old Paddy, sitting at the end of the bar, piped up, “Don’t ya know? Three of a kind can’t beat a royal flush!”

Why did the plumber wear glasses?
He couldn’t see sh*t without them

How do you tell the difference between a seamstress and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce the word “sewer”.

A mischievous plumber got caught moving customers’ kitchen sinks to their basement without their permission.
Never thought a person could sink so low.

What do you call a band of plumbers?
Poo Man Group.

A plumber went to the doctor.
He said “Doctor, every time I try to sleep I close my eyes and see visions of PVC, copper, steel, and corncob. Am I going mad?!”
The doctor replied “Relax. You’re just having pipe dreams.”

An out-of-work plumber decides a good career move would be to move to the Netherlands.
He heard that everyone has so many clogs.

What is the one thing that professional poker players & plumbers can agree on?
A royal flush is better than a full house.

What do you call someone who studies ancient Egyptian plumbing?
A Pharaoh Faucet Major.

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What’s a plumber’s favorite fruit?

A lawyer calls up a plumber to come out to his house.
The plumber takes a look and says, OK, I can fix it today, and it will be $800.
The lawyer raises an eyebrow and asks, how long will it take? The plumber responds, “Well, I need about an hour round trip to the supply house for a part, and then it should take me about an hour for the repair”
The lawyer smirks and says, “Two hours? For $800? That’s $400 per hour! I’m a lawyer and my hourly rate is $350 / hour!”
The plumber nods and says, “Yes, sir, I understand. Why is it you think I gave up my law practice?”

How can you tell a pharmacist from a plumber without seeing them?
Based on the type of crack they can produce.

How does the Italian plumber talk to spirits?
A Luigi board.

Why were people so interested in plumbing during the 80s?
Because it was totally tubular.

A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.
The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, “How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck.” But he pays it anyway.
The plumber tells him, “Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumber and triple your salary. Just make sure you say you only made it to 6th grade, they don’t like educated people.”
The professor takes him up on the offer and becomes a plumber. His salary triples and he doesn’t have to work nearly as hard. However, the company announces that all of their plumbers must get a 7th-grade education. So they all go to night school.
On the first day of night school, they all attend math class. The teacher wants to gauge the class so he asks John, “What is the formula for the area of a circle?”
John walks up to the board and is about to write the formula when he realizes he has forgotten it. So he begins to attempt to derive the formula, filling the board with complicated mathematics. He ends up figuring out it is negative pi times radius squared. He thinks the minus doesn’t belong so he starts over, but again he comes up with the same equation. After staring at the board for a minute he looks out at the other plumbers and sees that they are all whispering, “Switch the limits on the integral!”

What did the zombie plumber cry?

This girl said that she wanted to be treated like a princess.
So her boyfriend used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into his castle.

Do you want a surefire trick to break your nail-biting habit?
Take up plumbing.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes.
“What did they arrest you for?” asks the first. “Was it a political or common crime?”
“Of course it was political. I’m a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, ‘Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.’ So they gave me seven years.”

This man thinks his wife would make a good plumber
She keeps bringing up old sh*t from weeks ago.

Why are Plumbers always so tired?
Because their job is draining.

Why do ducks make bad plumbers?
Because they leave your waterfowl, the bill is always on the front end, and they have excessive plumbers quack.

A doctor calls a plumber. “I’ve got a leak,” he says. “There’s a pool of water.”
“It’s too late,” says the plumber. “I’ll come tomorrow. “
“Hey, come on,” says the doctor. “You know me, I’m a doctor. If you get sick, even if it’s late, you know I won’t ignore you.”
“Fair point,” says the plumber. “OK, I’m coming now.”
He arrives at the house and the doctor takes him to the leak and shows him the pool of water. The plumber looks at it, then takes something out and drops it in the water.
“What was that?” asks the doctor.
“It’s two aspirin,” says the plumber, “and if it’s no better in the morning call me again.”

What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers?
A skeptic tank.

What’s a plumber’s least favorite type of shoe?

What does the plumber say to their child after lecturing them?
“Let that sink it…”

This man signed up for one of those, “learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks” courses you see on TV, and his final exam was at 9 am today.
He showed up at 3 pm, looked at the test paper, and said, “Looks like I’m gonna need a pen for this job. I’ll have to pop around to my suppliers for one. Be right back.”
Graduated top of his class.

What do plumbers, garbagemen,and economists all have in common?
They all deal with gross domestic product.

What vegetables do plumbers hate?
Leeks. Add a few peas and you have a real mess.

Why was the plumber so good at karaoke?
Because he really had the pipes for it.

After years of never having enough hot water, and countless cold showers, this family finally had an on-demand water heater installed, that provides unlimited hot water.
And although the plumber did an excellent installation and worked quickly, they did not express their appreciation.
It was a tankless job.

Did you hear that the plumber found a blunt in a neighborhood’s faucet today?
No wonder their water bills are so high.

The pipes that the plumber installed are leaking.
Clearly, he didn’t give a flux.

If plumbers have plumbers cracks what do construction workers have?

A plumber is called to a house with nobody home. When he arrived, there was a note that read, “Sorry, we can’t be home, but here’s a key to let yourself in. Beware of Spike the dog, and whatever you do, DO NOT talk to the parrot.”
The guy walks into the house and sees a big Doberman, but it seems calm, so he goes about his business. While he’s working, the parrot shouts a torrent of abuse at him, while the dog seems really chilled out. The parrot keeps saying things like, “You won’t find any food down there, Chubs,” and “Try not to have a heart attack, you fat fugg.”
Eventually, he finishes the job, and the parrot says, “Thank fugg, you put that a** crack away,” and the plumber snaps. He says to the parrot, “You’re a fugging a*sehole,” and the parrot replies, “Spike, attack!”

What did the pirate plumber always tell customers?
“Fear not if ye see the Kraken.”

Why don’t the plumbers ever get wealthy?
Because all they have are pipe dreams.

What did the plumber say to his wife?
“It’s over, Flo.”

Two plumbers were working on a toilet.
Plumber 1: This toilet is empty.
Plumber 2: No sh*t.

How many plumbers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one who’s willing to take a Crack at it.

What do plumbers experience in their sleep?
Pipe dreams.

What’s a plumber’s favorite dog?
A caulker spaniel.

A judge calls a plumber. “I’ve got a leak,” he says. “There’s a pool of water.”
“It’s too late,” says the plumber. “I’ll come tomorrow. “
“Hey, come on,” says the judge. “You know me, I’m a judge. If I am hearing your case, even if it’s late, you know I won’t ignore you.”
“Fair point,” says the plumber. “OK, I’m coming now.”
He arrives at the house and the judge takes him to the leak and shows him the pool of water. The plumber looks at it, then takes a hammer and hits the pipe a couple of times.
“What was that?” asks the doctor.
“I have ordered the water to stop,” says the plumber, “and if it’s no better in the morning call me again.”

What is an Italian plumber’s favorite band?
Mario Speedwagon.

What do a plumber and a walrus have in common?
They both like a good, tight seal.

What does a plumber, who is paid by the hour, do to get more money?
They stall.

What do a plumber and the cloud both have in common?
Sync problems.

Do you have a funny joke about Plumbers? Write down the puns in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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