Football is full of loud cheers, fast action, missed goals, and fans yelling advice at the screen like they could coach the team better. One dad stands in front of the TV with snacks in hand, looking more stressed than the players on the pitch. Every match quickly turns into a family event filled with shouting, celebrating, and debates about the referee that somehow continue even after the game ends. The excitement rarely stops when the final whistle blows.
That same match-day excitement is what makes Football Dad Jokes so fun. Dads always seem ready with a silly football pun, even when everyone else rolls their eyes at it. During big games, the room fills with bad jokes, loud reactions, and nonstop football chatter that keeps everyone entertained. By the end of the match, people often remember the jokes just as much as the final score.
Best Football Dad Jokes
Why did the ghost football team win all its games?
They were amazing at possessing the ball.
What did the ref say to the chicken who tripped a defender?
“Fowl!”
Johnny’s wife just left him. She says his life revolves around football, and she’s sick of it.
He’s quite upset. They were together for 7 seasons.
Why was the footballer upset on their birthday?
They got a red card!
Hands down, Pele was the greatest football player of all time.
Hands up, he’d be thrown out of the game as that’s against the rules.
What do you call someone who stands inside the goalposts and stops the ball rolling away?
Annette!
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Which football team loves ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla!
Do you know why Ronaldo always cleans his room?
Because he is not messy.
Why is Spain so good at football?
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Recommended: Football Jokes
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Why is a football crowd learning to sing like a person opening a tin of sardines?
They both have trouble with the key!
Life Pro Tip: If you are planning to settle down, don’t date a football player.
There’s only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.
What is a goalkeeper’s favorite snack?
Beans on post!
Why can’t Cinderella play football?
Because she keeps running away from the ball.
Why don’t grasshoppers watch football?
They prefer cricket!
“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a football game!”
“Who’s playing, son?”
“Austria-Hungary”
“Against who?”
Why did the manager bring pencils and sketchbooks into the dressing room before the game?
He was hoping for a draw!
Why won’t they let you wear glasses in football?
Because it’s a contact sport.
Who scored the most goals in the Greek Mythology League?
The centaur forward!
What did the bad football announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What did the manager do when the pitch became flooded?
He sent on his subs!
Why was the football stadium so cold?
Because of all the fans.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Why do football players do well in school?
They know how to use their heads!
Why did the tiny ghost join the football team?
He heard they needed a little team spirit.
What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
The scenter spot!
“Oh my God,” the wife said, smiling. “Our boy is kicking…”
The husband said, “Yes. That’s how football works.”
What did the referee say to the South American footballer in the World Cup who lied about handling the ball?
“I don’t Bolivia!”
Wife says to her husband: “Choose, either me or the football game!”
He responds: “Give me 90 minutes to think.”
Why did the football quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around!
Why didn’t Jesus play hockey?
Because football is more popular in Mexico.
What tea do footballers drink?
Penal-tea!
A football player goes to the doctor and says, “It hurts when I touch my face, elbow, and knee.” The doctor says,
“You’ve broken your finger.”
Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!
What happens to football players who go blind?
They become referees.
Why are footballers like babies?
They both dribble!
After my son’s team won the football tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
What’s the chilliest ground in the EPL?
Cold Trafford!
Why has football/soccer suddenly become so popular in America?
If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I’d bring my friends to the bar.
Which team always starts the match with a bang?
The Gunners!
What religion do football players follow?
Shintoism.
What’s the best position to play if you don’t like football?
Right back, right back in the changing rooms.
Why do Italians love football?
Because halfway through, they get to switch sides.
How did the football pitch end up as triangle?
Somebody took a corner!
Just passed by the prison today, and they were playing football on the field.
I shouted, “Pass the ball, I’m free!!”
Why is Dracula such a bad goalkeeper?
Because he’s afraid of crosses.
Jake said he thinks he wants to take up acting…
Now he’s just looking for a local football league to join!
Did you hear about the football player who lived past 100?
He’s still alive and kicking.
What’s the best US state to shop for a football uniform?
New Jersey.
What football club do sheep like?
Baaaaaaaaa-rcelona.
Why did the football player take so long to eat dinner?
Because he thought he couldn’t use his hands.
Why can’t you play football in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Correct the error in this sentence: Ronaldo play football.
Ronal does play football.
Why did the football player bring a string to the game?
So she could tie the score.
What’s the best animal in football?
A score-pion.
What is it called when a dinosaur gets a goal?
A dino-score.
What do Americans do immediately after winning the World Cup?
Turn off the Playstation.
What do football referees send during the holidays?
Yellow cards.
A football referee picks up his phone during a match.
14 Missed Calls.
What are successful forwards always trying to do?
Reach goals.
A nearby football championship was canceled due to rain and sleet.
So every player got a precipitation trophy.
What did the bumble bee forward say after getting a goal?
“Hive scored.”
Are people allowed to wear contacts in football?
It is a non contact sport after all.
Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
He was a boxer.
Many don’t just play football cause they like the sport.
They are just in it for kicks.
How do we know that football referees are happy?
Because they whistle while they work.
Which football player can hold 50 fish in his mouth?
Pele can.
Why did the tiny football player take a shower?
He was a little Messi.
What’s the difference between a bad football team and an albatross?
An albatross has got two decent wings.
The Hunger Games is like football.
Everyone runs around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don’t understand.
What would you get if you crossed a football player and the Invisible Man?
He would play football like no one has ever seen.
Two flies are playing football on a plate.
One says to the other, “You’d better pick up your game, Louie, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow”.
What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice?
“Let’s wrap this up!”
They should end football games with an art competition.
That way it would be win, lose or draw.
Why was the skeleton always left out in a football game?
Because he had no body to play with.
Why does America have the best movie industry in the world?
In the rest of the world, all the best actors play football.
How do you stop squirrels from playing football in the garden?
Hide the ball, it drives them nuts.
What did Goofy say when he got shot in the nuts by a football ball?
“F’yuck.”
What does a football player say on Halloween?
“Hat Trick or Treat!”
Why did the politically correct football team never win any matches?
Because no offense.
Why did the defensive football player cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
What do you call a Greek football player?
Soccerates.
Why are scrambled eggs like a losing football team?
Because they’ve both been beaten.
Why do Swedes not play much football?
Because too much socker can give diabetes.
What time is it when a football team chases a baseball team?
Eleven after nine.
Why was the dog bad at football?
Because he had two left feet.
What did the football goalie say to the ball?
“Catch ya later.”
What do u call 11 divers and a net?
A football team.
Football is a strange game.
It is a bunch of people running away from their goals.
Did you know that football is the only sport that’s not a game of inches?
It’s a game of feet.
Why will the giant never win a video game football championship?
Because he only plays “FIFA fo fun”.
Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the internet?
Because they can’t stop saving their work.
What do you call a zombie that plays football?
A Ghoul keeper.
When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team’s kipper!
Why do football players hate shallow pools?
Because there is no diving.
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
You know what they say about guys with big hands!
They’re good goalies!
Why do the French never perform ‘the wave’ at a football game?
Because, that’s a gesture reserved for use only in time of war.
Why couldn’t the star football player listen to music?
Because he broke all the records.
How come the magician was so good at football?
He mastered his hat tricks.
How does Neymar laugh?
ROFL.
Why can’t professional football players own a duck?
Because they don’t want a personal fowl.
Why is it okay for football players to feel anxious?
For starters, they have to many goals.
Why did the football player use his hands?
He was tired of de-feat.
What runs around a football field but never moves?
A fence.
How did the Jewish football player get hurt?
He Torah ligament!!
Why wasn’t the nose on the football team?
It didn’t get picked!
A group of musicians namely harpists, pianists, flutists and violinists form a football team. Who are the most important players and why?
Pianists. Because they are the key players.
What is a football fan’s favorite grooming product?
Oil of olay! Olay olay olay! Olay! Olay!
What would Salvador Dali call his football club if he ever owned one?
It would have been named Surreal Madrid.
Why are football stadiums at risk for burning down?
Because of all the matches.
What is football really?
22 players, two linemen, and 20,000 referees.
Does anyone here like jokes about football?
I get a kick out of them.
Recommended: Women’s Football Jokes
Why is women’s football so rare?
It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
There was a friendly football match between the employees of Boeing and Airbus. How did the referee die?
He blew the whistle at the end so Boeing killed him.
Why are skunks so bad at football?
They just stink at it.
Why did the injured footballer buy a big bag of salt after he blew out his knee?
Because he needed NaCl.
What is the most philosophical sports uniform?
Soccer Tees.
Why did Jesus play football on the wing?
He’s great at crosses.
Did you hear about the octopus that played football?
He had ten-tackles!
Why did the man go to the football game with a chainsaw?
To get athlete’s foot.
A youth football team that won gold at a tournament also stopped a thief that same day.
And he would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those medalling kids.
Recommended: FIFA Jokes
Why do you use your feet in football and your hands in basketball?
Because the ball won’t move by itself.
How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed.
Why aren’t pigs allowed to play football?
Because they always hog the ball.
What do you call a baby potato at a football game?
Spectator.
Do you have a funny Football dad joke? Write down your best ones in the comment section below!
